But, really, it's not like we're asking for much - Fox/Wilde dancing together in a jazz club when they're not trying to fight/fuck each other, Milla Jovovich as Fox's kinda insane, opium smoking, incest loving, Ukrainian half-sister who may or may not be a member of the same BDSM club that drunken detective Karl Urban is a member (this is all just an excuse to get both Jovovich and Urban to wear bondage fetish gear).

Really, it's the oldest story in the book. Girl meet girl, they get it on. Girl discovers girl is her half-sister and they carry out an illicit affair in secret. Girl meets other girl. They get it on. Other girl becomes her step-mother. Somewhere somebody dies. A grizzled detective enters the scene. Girl-on-girl, have to work with each other to solve this crazy crime before it takes their lives, and maybe, just maybe, if they're lucky, they'll find a happy ending together. I swear I read this in the bible.

Wait, as long as Queen Latifah plays the jazz chanteuse with a deep, dark secret!

Ah, fuck yeah! When you're good to Mama, Mamaaaaaaaaaaa's good to youuuuuuu. Da da da da! I'm all over that.

Lena Headey in there somewhere

I feel like she should be paired up with Milla Jovovich at the BDSM club. Because ... *Janine can't come to the phone right now, she's in her bunk, please leave a message at the beep ... *beep**