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So, this is a sign of the apocalypse right?
BloodRayne II: Deliverence
Starring: Natassia Malthe, Chris Coppola, Zack Ward and Michael Pare.
Summary: Rayne (Malthe), a half-human/half-vampire warrior, is humankind's only hope against the advancing vampire race.
On set Promo - View at own risk!
The good news is, Kristanna Loken is not starring in this.
That's it.
I would list all of the things that are horribly wrong with this project, but I don't have enough space for that and I think they are fairly self-evident, lol.
All I can say is that with the pretty, but utterly charismaless Malthe in the role of Rayne, the movie won't even be fucking horrible enough to make fun of like the first. I mean, Malthe managed to be boring as all hell in "D.O.A: Dead or Alive" one of the funniest, cheesiest movies to come out in the last couple of years. Basically a cross between "Charlie's Angel's", "Mortal Combat" and "Beach Blanket Bingo" starring Jamie Pressly, Sarah Carter, that Nika chick from Prison Break and Eric Roberts, it was non-stop ass-kicking females, scantily clad females, over the top action sequences (one of the chicks actually starts a fight topless, throws her bra up into the air, beats people up with her towel, lifts her arms and her bra falls magically in place allowing her to then hold the last guy up at gun point! Brilliant!), illogical beach volley ball games, lesbian innuendo and sword fights. In other words, utterly brilliant ... except for every scene with Malthe. Good lord, she sucks.
With Malthe in the lead BR II will just suck outright, and because there also seems to be no other major female castmembers, slashing the characters as the movie is on won't even be able to save us.
In conclusion, Uwe Boll continues to be an evil genius, Natassia Malthe sucks, and everyone should watch "D.O.A." because it is the bomb diggity.
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They're making ANOTHER one!? My aunt even turned off the first one...and she normally likes movies like that. It had to be bad if SHE turned it off.
Some movies should just never have sequels. Some movies should just never be made. Do those producers really think so little of us that they would make a sequel to a moive that didn't do well to begin with? On second thought, they can't think too little of us. Some people actually will see it. So who's really dumber? I'm a college student, clearly the wrong thing to be doing.
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Don't get me wrong Kris, even slightly befuddled, still looks adorable, and Michelle looks yummy as usual despite the ridiculous fake accent and the silly lines. But why didn't they hire a choreographer for the fight scenes? Clearly Kris was on her own with the choreography for most of her fight scenes and you can totally tell.
If I had the time I would rewrite the whole thing with Michelle in the friendly freedom fighter role. Unfortunately I wouldn't be entertained long enough to finish it.
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1. Chris Coppola is *painfully* unfunny.
2. For a movie that's supposed to be about BloodRayne, they sure weren't particularly interested in interviewing the lead actress. But that's probably because Malthe has the charisma of week old bread.
3. Some actors should always have extreme close-ups - Zach Ward is not one of those people.
4. Uwe Boll *is* an evil genius and I'd totally work on one of his movies.
5. I just discovered DOA is on bittorrent, and I'm downloading as I type.
6. As much as this movie is gonna suck, I'm still probably going to see it.
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Anyways, thanks for the rec, my brain needed some mindless fun *g*
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I'm the same way, kind of anything with vampires and stuff I'm all over it, but this was bad. Only the hotness of Loken kept me watching and I'm guessing that wasn't a factor for your aunt, lol!
Some movies should just never have sequels.
*le sigh* If only Hollywood would listen to these words of wisdom. But I mutter this exact phrase every couple of months when unnecessary sequels and remakes are announced for projects that should just be left as they were (either because the original got it right and doesn't need a remake or a sequel, or because the first was so shitty that making another one is just mean)
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I know. It was like one step away from grips walking around with cardboard cutouts of Michael Madsen, Billy Zane, Michelle Rodriguez et al, while they delivered their lines over the phone.
But why didn't they hire a choreographer for the fight scenes? Clearly Kris was on her own with the choreography for most of her fight scenes and you can totally tell.
I know. It was kind of painful, like the American Idol try-outs of fight scenes. I mean she sometimes looked downright unco-ordinated. And if you've seen T3, you know that she can do fight scenes and look totally kick-ass, they just need to be choreographed by someone that wasn't out drinking with Paula Abdul.
If I had the time I would rewrite the whole thing with Michelle in the friendly freedom fighter role. Unfortunately I wouldn't be entertained long enough to finish it.
What I love it that that is kind of how the actual writer felt about it. Guinn Turner said she wrote it like over a weekend as a first draft, and that they just filmed with it. Like Uwe was all "well, as long as they're saying something it's fiiiiiine".
Oh well, mercifully I won't feel the need to sit through the sequel.
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*groan* I know. Every time they panned back to him I full body shuddered. I mean when you make someone hope that they would go back to interviewing Zack Ward or Oatmeal (um, Malthe) it bad, bad medicine.
2. For a movie that's supposed to be about BloodRayne, they sure weren't particularly interested in interviewing the lead actress. But that's probably because Malthe has the charisma of week old bread.
LOL. So true. I was falling asleep whenever she started talking. If she's not playing Typhoid Mary and kissing Jennifer Garner then I don't care.
3. Some actors should always have extreme close-ups - Zach Ward is not one of those people.
LOL.
4. Uwe Boll *is* an evil genius and I'd totally work on one of his movies.
I'd love to see a trainwreck in the making up and close. Plus, I bet a lot of people do a lot of drinking on set with him, and it would be awesome to hang out with the actors, doing shots talking about how shitty the movie is (well, not this one but the first BloodRayne would have been fun)
5. I just discovered DOA is on bittorrent, and I'm downloading as I type.
Lemme know what you think!
6. As much as this movie is gonna suck, I'm still probably going to see it.
Since this is likely going straight to DVD, or will likely be on DVD within a month of its theatrical release there's a good chance that while drunk one night looking for a shitty movie to make fun of with friends that I will see it.
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Close, the German government apparently. I can't remember the details but he uses some loophole in German law to get funding for all of his shitty movies. I swear Germany, if it wasn't for Steffi Graff *shakes fist*
Is the film world that insane?
Is that a trick question? lol
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Those moments were gold. I loved how Christie was totally playing it up when Tina's dad walked in on them in bed and was snuggling up to Tina. If fighting in lace panties wasn't enough to make me love Christie, that did it.
I assume that Malthe played Helena, because she's the one totally yawn worthy character in the film - it was as if they ran out of personality by the time they wrote her character or, maybe, the actress just sucked the life out of the part.
No, Malthe played the purple-haired that was in love with the brother that looked like Robin Shou but wasn't and kept fighting with Devon Aoki.
Helena wasn't the greatest character though, which is too bad because I generally like Sarah Carter (she was the second best thing about Black Sash, and actually made a couple episodes of Smallville worth watching). The character was pretty life-less and the most underdeveloped of the ladies.
Anyways, thanks for the rec, my brain needed some mindless fun *g*
No problem, glad to share the mindless hotness!
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I'm just as bad. But as you know, I'm a lot more picky with my movies, lol. Kate Beckinsale wasn't even insentive enough to watch all of Van Helsing.
Considering the ragging lesbian she is, I was surprised. More than surprised, shocked even.
Hollywood and Uwe Boll. Check this out: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0913951/. The FIRST one shouldn't have even been made. The only reason I watched the first one was because it was like 10:30 at night and it was on Movie Central (which means it was free, lol).
And watching that stupid preview video for BR2 hurt. It actually hurt. It is NOT that cold in Vancouver! Ok, now it is only because we've had like 14 storms within the last 2 months. Not enough for shrinkage, which by-the-by did not need to know. Some people should not be allowed to speak.