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Fic: Rachel and Ivy’s Awesome Adventure with Zombies (The Hollows, Rachel/Ivy)
Title: Rachel and Ivy’s Awesome Adventure with Zombies
Author: Janine
Fandom: The Hollows
Rating: R/NC-17
Warnings: weed!fic and therefore probably makes no sense.
Disclaimer: I don’t own them.
Summary: What if Rachel and Ivy encountered zombies? This is a really shody treatment of that scenario.
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“Ivy?” Rachel asked. “Are those zombies?”
“Yes,” Ivy responded. Nodding to show Rachel she understood. “Yes. They are.”
“What should we do, Ivy?” Rachel asked, digging around in her canyon of a purse for her splat-gun, not yet realizing that it wouldn’t help since you can’t tuck in a corpse!
“Hmm,” Ivy hummed, in a scholarly, thoughtful way that was thoughtful. “Run, I think,” Ivy said, nodding in a scholarly, thoughtful way that was scholarly. “Yes, yes. Let’s do run, shall we?” (I sometimes like to think that Ivy is British)
Rachel looked at the zombies. And then she looked at Ivy. And then she looked at the zombies again. And then she asked, “Where to?” It was a good question. Rachel was proud of herself.
Ivy turned and looked at Rachel in a very serious and dramatic way. Her look said, “Hey, this is serious business, pay attention to me because I’m not going to say this again. Okay? Okay.”. So, she looked at Rachel in this serious, dramatic, very important way, and said. “Anywhere, Rachel.” She paused again, for what could only be affect. “Anywhere that is not here. Where we are. Which is a bad place. Because there are zombies, and most probably they want our brains. So we should be far away from here. Anywhere really … that’s far away. From here.”
Rachel blinked. Ivy had said a lot, and she was a little confused. And hungry. But mostly she was confused. Actually she was pretty, hungry. I don’t know, I’d say she was maybe like 68% confused, and maybe 32% hungry (oh god, I hope the math on that was right!!!! I did it in my head!!!!!!!).
Anyway, Rachel stopped blinking and said, “Anywhere that’s not here.”
And then she turned and ran purposefully towards nowhere.
ANYWHERE BUT THERE…
“See anything?” Ivy asked, taking off her top to reveal the lacy really sexy black bra beneath it.
“What? Yeah. No! I mean no, not anything,” Rachel blabbered. She wasn’t looking out of the window for zombies, she was looking at the window to see Ivy’s reflection as she undressed, and so she was confused by the questions. She was beginning to suspect that she was easily confused.
“That was surprisingly confusing, even for you,” Ivy chuckled, forgetting that a couple paragraphs above she was being a wordy idiot too.
“You’re surprisingly confusing, Ivy!” Rachel declared in a huff, still watching Ivy change, because hey, who wouldn’t?
“What?” Ivy asked. It was a good question. Even I don’t know what that means.
“You heard me,” Rachel said, since she didn’t know what I meant, since I don’t know what it means. So she couldn’t. Because I’m her and she’s me, and what I don’t know. She can’t know. But I can know things she can’t know. Or can I?
“I heard you. And I see you looking at my tits,” Ivy said, her vampire eyes catching Rachel’s not so subtle ogling of her not so subtle breasts (honestly, I think that one works you guys!).
“I’m not,” Rachel said, her mind whirling to produce an explanation that would sufficiently convince that she wasn’t doing what she was doing. Which was looking. “I was just making sure you hadn’t been bitten.” Rachel was proud. She wasn’t sure if that would work, but it was a lot less stupid than some of the things that had been floating around in her head. Like I’m talking Boob Inspector stupid … cause jobs never free up in that department.
“Oh, I’ve been bitten lots of times … but not by zombies,” Ivy responded with a sly, sexy smile. “Also, you’re lying … badly. I couldn’t have been bitten by zombies, because we saw them like a ways off and ran to anyhere so that we could be safe from them. So, I know that you know that I couldn’t have possibly been bitten.”
“You never can be too sure,” Rachel said, still trying to play it off, even though it was useless.
“You know what I’m sure of, Rachel? I’m sure you were checking out my tits. And I’m sure you like them. And I’m sure that I’d like you to be even surer by touching them. So let’s make each other as sure as foxes,” Ivy responded cupping her magnificent breasts at Rachel and jiggling them in a welcoming manner.
Rachel moved towards Ivy. Being sure was the most important thing in the world, next to dental hygenie, and she wanted to be sure. She wanted to be super sure by touching them. She was also pretty sure she wanted to motorboat them.
AFTER LOTS OF MAKING SURE THAT THINGS WERE SURE …
Rachel collapsed against Ivy’s nude body, her hand still lying limply between Ivy’s legs as she struggled to catch her breath. She’d just had a lot of sex, and it was really great (don’t you wish someone’s mind had been able to focus long enough to write a love scene?) and had gone on for a long time in all sorts of different and sexy positions. One which involved Rachel with her legs over her head (like knees at the side of her face, over her head people!). Her mind was spinning like whooooooooooooooa from all of the crazy hot sex she’d just had (everyone’s all like, “which wasn’t described you bitch *snap*!”) and her body felt like jello or some other soft gelatinous substance that suggests over-exhaustion due to sex.
“Ivy,” Rachel moaned.
“Rachel,” Ivy whispered grinning. She was a vampire and therefore not as out of breath. That’s one of the reasons vamps are so hot. Cause they’re all, “Let’s have some fun, this beat is sick. I wanna take a ride on your disco-stick” ALL NIGHT LONG! Like Ivy could totally go for another hour, two or three probably, but Rachel’s witchy-body is tired, so Ivy’s totes gon’ respect that.
“Ivy,” Rachel moaned in an effort to convey how much she really, really, really, really, really, really, really (this word has no meaning for me any longer), really, really much she had enjoyed that.
“Rachel,” Ivy moaned rolling on top of Rachel, hoping that her aura would re-infuse Rachel’s body with horny so that they could do it again. ‘Cause she really wanted to do it again.
“Ivy,” Rachel moaned, surprised to find herself being infused with waves of horny that she couldn’t explain.
Yes, Ivy thought. Go, aura! Go, aura! Go! (Read it like the “Go Ninja! Go Ninja! Go!” song, from the Ninja Turtles movie, original spice version children, not that MNJT over whatever bullshit … I didn’t see it, maybe it was good. I don’t’ know)
“Ivy, do you think we’re still safe from the zombies?” Rachel asked, running her hands anxiously up Ivy’s nude torso, and then over to her generous breasts and touching and squeeze and pinch them erotically.
“Zombies?” Ivy asked breathy.
“Undead creatures risen from the dark, dank, depths of the earth, with one purpose, and one purpose only. The consumption of human, witch, were and vampire…braaaaaains!” Rachel exclaimed.
“Oh, yeah, yeah,” Ivy said. Rachel was getting distracted. This she did not want. “We’re fine there. Totally good. Totally. We’re good in the hood.” Ivy lifted her hands to cover the ones Rachel still had on her and started to massage her breasts.
“Ivy?” Rachel asked.
“Mm?” Ivy asked, doing a pretty good job of warming herself up again. Like seriously. She had serious talent, because she was like, “daaaaaaaaaaamn, that’s hot” and was doing like 90% of the work herself.
“Why aren’t you more worried?” Rachel asked. “Sometimes you’ll curse Mother Nature herself if a bee flies to close to me, but now that zombies could possibly be after our braaaaaaaains, you’re all like, “Huh? What? Duh?” Rachel said making stupid faces. “What’s up with that?”
“Um?” Ivy hummed. She was distracted. She had moved their hands between her legs, and damn if she wasn’t just as talented at this too. “Cause there are no zombies?” she said, moving their fingers in circles against her very hard clit.
“No zombies?” Rachel asked confused, though Ivy’s soft pants and the motion of her hand beginning to draw her attention away from thinking and towards sex (I’m sorry, I couldn’t think of anything better. I tried. Honestly.)
“Those were just high college students with the munchies at
“Why didn’t you tell me!” Rachel demanded, smacking Ivy in a way that turned her on so much she almost couldn’t respond.
“I wanted to spend some alone time with you?” Ivy said, her voice rising at the end of the statement-question hybrid as her nose crinkled up cutely.
“You wanted to … awww,” Rachel cooed. “That’s so sweet.”
Ivy beamed. She was pretty naturally awesome at being sweet, but it was nice to have her efforts recognized as well!
“I gave you some sweets. So why don’t you give me some sugar?” Ivy suggested, nudging the hand Rachel still had between her legs. God, she’s a suave ass motherfucker.
“Oh, baby. I’m not gonna give you some sugar. I’m gonna give you the whole candy store,” Rachel purred. Vampires aren’t the only ones who can do it, okay you guys!
Rachel leaned forward and pressed her lips against Ivy’s and they did it and then lived happily ever after (doing it as often and as dirty as possible forever).
The End
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(Anonymous) 2009-05-01 09:55 pm (UTC)(link)This made me giggle.
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Weed, beer and wine. And it was fun! :D
This made me giggle.
lol, I'm glad. I wasn't sure anyone who wasn't completely fubar would find it funny or even be able to follow it, but I had no impulse control then so I posted it anyway :D
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(Anonymous) 2009-05-03 12:45 am (UTC)(link)no subject
(And not high, but this is a whole 'nother level of awesome. You can be funny, high, sexy, and...other shit with your words. And I'm not drunk or anything 'cause that's illegal. 'Cause I'm like...not 21. And stuff. ...no, I'm not in denial, I'm really not drunk. Hahaha.)
This is love. This story. Yes.
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I dominate!
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You dominate, yes you do. (In bed, too? ;P )
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I'd mention my favourite parts, but there's too many!
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You're only going to encourage my bad behavior, lol. I thank you for this :D
I'm glad you enjoyed it!
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I'd like to motorboat Ivy, too...
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Honestly, I think the hard part would be finding someone who didn't want to motorboat Ivy. Cause, that there is a fine way to spend an evening.
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I mean...
Duuuuude.
*grins*
This is cute.
And I'm jealous of whatever you're on... better quality than around here. ;)
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And I'm jealous of whatever you're on... better quality than around here.
I guess the stars were aligned for me yesterday. It led to maximum being high, with really a minimum of effort :D
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I wish so much that we could all get together, get high as planes, crack open a bottle of wine and just hang out. That would be the sweetest ever. All I can say, is mixing the weed with the alcohol and menthol's allows for maximum fubar-ness.
u motor boatin son of BEEEEP!
You know it!
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that is an awesome awesome line.
I didn't know you could use the word gelatinous in reference to sex.
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I didn't know you could use the word gelatinous in reference to sex.
Now you know. I feel like one of those "The More You Know" PSAs from the end of G.I. Joe. I'm so happy that I can contribute something to society, lol!
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“You’re surprisingly confusing, Ivy!” Rachel declared in a huff, still watching Ivy change, because hey, who wouldn’t?
“What?” Ivy asked. It was a good question. Even I don’t know what that means.
“You heard me,” Rachel said, since she didn’t know what I meant, since I don’t know what it means. So she couldn’t. Because I’m her and she’s me, and what I don’t know. She can’t know. But I can know things she can’t know. Or can I?
This was an interesting exchange. It's good to challenge readers intellectually even if there doesn't exist an answer to the question. ;)
It's like art, it calls out for interpretation but for each person, there exists a different answer. It's not the end that is important but the journey.
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lol, I'm glad it turned out alright. I did wing it, I wrote it in about twenty minutes, and lost track of my thoughts about 10 times, so I'm glad there was any coherence to it whatsoever!
It's good to challenge readers intellectually even if there doesn't exist an answer to the question. ;) It's like art, it calls out for interpretation but for each person, there exists a different answer. It's not the end that is important but the journey.
It's true. I think we had a very profound moment here ;)
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which I know wish to be
damn you
:D
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Bwahahahahahaha! oh, crackfic, you always bring the funny.
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Love the college kids w munchies...been there, seen that, hid my splat gun.