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Goddamn you WB! Why?? Fucking why man???

So a new promotional image of Narcissa from Half-Blood Prince has been released.

Now, I don't want to be a hater, but .... FAIL FAIL FAIL FAIL FAIL FAIL FAIL FAIL FAIL FAIL FAIL FAIL FAIL FAIL FAIL FAIL !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

HAIR FAIL!
EYEBROW FAIL!
LIPSTICK FAIL!
HAIR FAIL! (it had to be said twice)
SHOE FAIL!
AGE FAIL x 1000 (she is supposed to be the YOUNGEST sister you fuckers! This chick looks like she used to steal McGonagall's fucking homework back in the Jazz Age, or some shit. I call fuckery on you WB, I call FUCKERY!!!!.

I'll admit it, the pose is aiight still.

But seriously people ... LOOK!

I mean REALLY? NARCISSA MALFOY SHOULD NOT BE LOOKIN' LIKE A HOT TRANNY MESS!

I did not sign up to see Helena-Bonham Carter eye-fucking Cruella fucking Deville! I did NOT!

See ... Bellatrix won't stand for this shit either!

Fuck the WB man, that is not my Narcissa. This:

OR

THIS is my Narcissa!.

Shiiiiiit, I'm done man. I need a drink ...

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WHAT THE HELL - WHAT IS THIS?

*feels your pain*

But they kept her 50,000 years old!? MY EYES!

LOL!

I always pictured her having almost perfect white hair and skin as flawless as like...porcelain. The complete OPPOSITE of the rest of the black family.

This.

sloppily applied lipstick to her face.

OMG, this! This! This! It's like the makeup artist got in there, took one look at her and was like "FUUUUUUUUUUCK! What the hell am I suppose to do with this?" and then like applied the makeup while talking on her cell and eating a turkey wrap or something.

Nicole Kidman dressed as Mrs. Coulter would have been MUCH better

Nicole Kidman as Mrs. Coulter was the sex. TEH SEX! Mrs. Coulter is pretty much exactly how I pictured Narcissa. All icy charm and dazzling good looks that make you want to be charmed even though you suspect she's a cold, devious bitch!

"FUUUUUUUUUUCK! What the hell am I suppose to do with this?" and then like applied the makeup while talking on her cell and eating a turkey wrap or something.

LMFAO, she was probably on the phone with her dead great aunt for ideas. "WHAT DID YOU DO BACK IN THE DAY WHEN YOUR FACE WAS THIS FUCKED UP?" Did you know that Wikipedia now has comments about Narcissa's hair in it? It's crazy.

Nicole Kidman as Mrs. Coulter was the sex. TEH SEX!

Dude, Mrs Coulter PERIOD was the sex. She was even better in the book though (in my opinion) and you know that her seducing Lyra was totally cannon. As much as I despise chan and as much as I tell myself that incest is horrible and bad and WRONG, I'm so drawn to that ship; my resistance only makes the experience more enjoyable.

"WHAT DID YOU DO BACK IN THE DAY WHEN YOUR FACE WAS THIS FUCKED UP?"

LOL! OMG, you bring the lulz :D

Did you know that Wikipedia now has comments about Narcissa's hair in it? It's crazy.

People are upset about this shit! You can't just fuck up Narcissa muthafucking Malfoy like that without expecting people to go crazy and shit. I'm waiting for the facebook groups to pop up, lol. And now that I've mocked the crazy weirdos that started this ... do you have a link to the page? I need to look ... and laugh ... and look somemore.

Dude, Mrs Coulter PERIOD was the sex. She was even better in the book though

This is trufax. I loved Mrs. Coulter in the books. I would have read an entire series just about her. I was just glad that Kidman and her golden locks didn't fuck Coulter up and even managed to be sexy as fuck too. I have always pictured Catherine Zeta-Jones in my head for book!Coulter. So yeah, both versions were hot, but book!Coulter was fiercer RAWR!

you know that her seducing Lyra was totally cannon.

Dude, I felt dirty reading about Coulter's seduction of Lyra, but not dirty enough to stop reading or watching ... or wishing that it would continue forever.

As much as I despise chan and as much as I tell myself that incest is horrible and bad and WRONG, I'm so drawn to that ship; my resistance only makes the experience more enjoyable.

I've long since given into the occasional incest pairing (blackcest is best!) but I've stayed away from chan. But, yeah. Coulter and Lyra were kind of disturbingly chemistry ridden. I think I could read future fics. I would creep myself out, but I know I would read it, lol.

OMG! You have to watch this youtube video:

The Golden Compass - The Secret Pedophile

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It is absolutely hilarious, and clearly we are not the only people who picked up on how sexual Coulter's "courting" of Lyra was.

do you have a link to the page? I need to look ... and laugh ... and look somemore.

http://harrypotter.wikia.com/wiki/Narcissa_Malfoy Here you go. I love how I tried to look at this again at school today and parental controls blocked every single picture of Narcissa, but kept the rest. It was beautiful.

I recently noticed that Olivia Wilde could pull off being ANY of the Black sisters if she wanted to be.

(http://s25.photobucket.com/albums/c74/Tainted_wings/?action=view&current=0000037836_20070215165206.jpg)
Andy

(http://s25.photobucket.com/albums/c74/Tainted_wings/?action=view&current=olivia3.jpg)
Bella

(http://s25.photobucket.com/albums/c74/Tainted_wings/?action=view&current=olivia_wilde.jpg)
And Narcissa

Why Why WHY couldn't they have taken HER and taught her how to speak with a British Accent? She would have made a much better Narcissa then Granny, here. *Sighs* WB just has to put their twist on everything, don't they?

Lol, Dude, speaking of the Golden Compass (because we are now officially on this topic) I got so into that book series that it became an unhealthy obsession. I'd read it JUST for Mrs Coulter and would "EEE!!!" whenever she did something so deliciously evil and malicious. It came to the point where my dad was like "WHAT DID MRS. COULTER DO THIS TIME!?" My homophobic mother tried to stop me from reading the series because it was making me 'GIVE INTO TEMPTATION'. Lovely lovely Mrs Coulter <3

In my personal opinion, I think she was too...motherly in the movie. Like, she was all seductive at first and had the perfect amount of touching, but they made sure to show that she cared about Lyra, which pissed me off because you don't find out about that fact till like...the end of the series. *Was hoping that she would be a sociopathic bitch till the end*

And, LOL OMFG, the video!!!!!! It's so full of phail that its amazing. I love how it's done entirely in horrible falsetto and I can't understand half the lyrics. "And then there was her uuuuncleeee (itsactuallyherdad) AND THEN THERE WASTHEPEDOPHILEANDSHEWASREALLYCREEPYANDSHEWASGUNNARAPEHERRRRR!!!" and then they break down into an amazing beat about how Mrs. Coulter might just in fact eat Lyra. It's perfect! It's beautiful! It's flawless.

I recently noticed that Olivia Wilde could pull off being ANY of the Black sisters if she wanted to be.

I've always thought the same thing. As soon as she got her "House" shade of brown, I was like "Andromeda!" and marveled at her awesomeness that on her own she could form a holy trinity of beauty.

I'd read it JUST for Mrs Coulter and would "EEE!!!" whenever she did something so deliciously evil and malicious.

Oh, I know. I lived for Mrs. Coulter (and Serafina Pekkala ... and I was so disappointed there wasn't a sexy interrogation/sexy torture scene between the two of them. My pants would have exploded in ecstasy). The eviler she was the more I loved her.

I think she was too...motherly in the movie.

She was. I mean I found her hot in a really M.I.L.F-y way when she turned all motherly, but I missed her badass bitchery and they really should have saved it for later on the series. (then again considering I doubt another movie is gonna be made, I guess it was nice to see both sides of her)

It's perfect! It's beautiful! It's flawless.

*claps* I knew you'd like it! I had tears in my eyes at the end. Beautiful indeed!

Oh, I know. I lived for Mrs. Coulter (and Serafina Pekkala

OMFG Serafina! I hated how she and Mrs Coulter like swapped hair colours, but Serafina was played by Eva Green, one of the sexiest women on this entire fucking planet. It definately made up for the lack of blondeness. Wasn't the torture scene from the beginning of the second book? Then again, the movie didn't even finish the first book. It's like Lord Of the Rings 2 all over again *sighs*

Ah well, if they follow the books as well as they have been doing so far, Eva Green might have to kiss about 3573957 different women! 8D

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