fembuck | Fic: The Edge (Alice/Bella, Twilight 5/?) (Reply)

Title: The Edge
Author: Janine
Fandom: Twilight
Pairing: Alice/Bella
Rating: PG
Disclaimer: All characters are owned by Stephanie Meyer. I’m just borrowing them.
Summary: Alice goes to see Bella in the aftermath of her birthday party.

Prologue: Golden Slumber
Part 1: Skating the Edge
Part 2: My Favorite Mistake
Part 3: The Rules of Attraction
Part 4: Shattered

---

Later That Night

Bella tossed her hacky sack ball in the air with her good arm and caught it.

Bella sighed and tilted her head back against her mattress. Her body was exhausted but she couldn’t sleep. She just kept on going over the events of the night in her mind, over and over and over again, her heart squeezing painfully every time she thought of Alice or Edward.

She couldn’t understand how she had managed to screw everything up so spectacularly in one night. She had been so full of hope at the beginning of the party. Things weren’t perfect of course, there was the awkwardness between her and Alice, and the issue of being turned to worry about, but things had been as close to perfect as was possible, and she had been so … hopeful that things would just get better.

And now … now it was hard to imagine things possibly getting worse. The Cullen’s were likely furious at her, likely hated her. Edward had barely been able to look at her when he had dropped her off at home. By the time she had left the Cullen’s house Jasper still hadn’t returned, and Alice … Alice probably wouldn’t want to be anywhere near her after she had been so stupid, and so clumsy and nearly caused her to lose the control she had spent years developing.

Bella tossed her hacky sack ball in the air with her good arm and caught it.

Bella tossed her hacky sack ball in the air with her good arm and …dropped it.

Registering movement near her window out of the corner of her eye, Bella turned her head to the side, her heart thumping powerfully in her chest as she caught sight of the petite figure delicately perched in her window.

“Alice,” Bella whispered disbelievingly as Alice hopped gracefully onto the floor.

Immediately Bella stumbled to her feet and began to move towards the raven-haired beauty, relieved beyond belief to see Alice in her room. However, she stopped halfway to her, uncertain how Alice would feel about her closeness after everything that had happened at the party.

“It’s okay,” Alice said softly, her voice so small and subdued that it brought the sting of tears to Bella’s eyes. “I’m fine now,” she continued, her voice cracking as she spoke. “You can come closer … if you want,” she said hesitantly, her voice still cracking as her eyes skittered away from Bella’s. “If you’re not scared,” she added staring at the ground, her tone unimaginably pained.

Bella immediately moved forward and wrapped her arms around Alice’s waist, hugging her without reservation.

“Of course I’m not scared. I’m so glad to see you,” Bella whispered, blinking rapidly to try and contain the tears threatening to spill from her eyes. “I was so worried. I was afraid you would hate me.”

“Hate you?” Alice asked incredulously, stilling in Bella’s arms for a moment before pulling away from her enough to see her face. “Why would I possibly hate you?” she continued softly, blinking in incomprehension. “I’m the one that a-a-attacked you. How could I possibly be mad at you?”

Her voice was full of regret and recrimination and she guilty averted her gaze from Bella’s.

“If I hadn’t been so careless, and … and so frickin’ clumsy, then none of this would have ever happened,” Bella responded shaking her head with remorse. “Only I could turn opening a birthday present into a UFC main event,” she continued disparagingly, her eyes far away for a second before they widened and she looked over at Alice. “Oh,” she gasped, “how’s Jasper?” she continued, wondering if he had finally come back.

Alice sighed and steered them over to the bed where they sat down.

“He’s fine,” she began softly. “He’s terribly embarrassed, as am I, but no real damage was done. Mostly he’s just terribly ashamed himself. Of how he reacted,” she continued, and from her tone Bella could tell that Alice knew exactly how he was feeling. “He’s hunting now. He just needs some time alone.”

Bella nodded, feeling horrible for putting Jasper through all of that, as well as Alice and the others.

“Bella,” Alice said seriously, drawing Bella attention back over to her. “You didn’t do anything wrong. You got a paper cut. It’s what happens when your skin isn’t hard as granite.” She paused then, dropping her down to stare at her lap. “Please know that none of this was your fault. You mustn’t blame yourself because we’re monsters,” she finished, the last word coming out an agonized whisper.

“Don’t say that,” Bella said fiercely, the self-loathing in Alice’s voice breaking her heart. “Please, don’t say that,” she repeated squeezing Alice’s hand. “You are some of the most amazing people I have ever met. And … and I couldn’t ask for a sweeter, more considerate, more loving and giving friend than you. You’re not a monster, Alice, not at all. I could never love a monster, and I love you. I love you all.”

“Bella,” Alice sighed, her voice equal parts affection and exasperation.

Only Isabella Swan would sit there holding her hand, telling her what a wonderful person she was after she had attacked her, borderline molested her and nearly killed her hours before.

Alice’s eyes slipped shut. Bella really did have absolutely no instinct for self-preservation, none whatsoever, she thought. Once you got into Bella’s heart, you stayed there. Once you got into Bella’s heart, she would follow you to hell holding your hand the whole way just so you wouldn’t be alone.

“Bella,” Alice whispered again, shaking her head faintly before tiredly resting her head against Bella’s.

Her hand then settled around Bella’s waist, holding her loosely against her as they sat together silence, Alice’s mind whirling all the while.

Bella’s emotions were reckless, and dangerous, and in many cases seemed to go against natural human instinct. But, the honesty with which she lived, the depth of her feeling, her loyalty, and her courage (no matter how foolhardy it was) made Alice love her all the more.

She was bad for Bella, Alice was sure of it, but Bella was good for her. Bella brought so much laughter and light into her life that she couldn’t resist her … especially not when her warm skin and sweet smell was so close to her; especially not when Bella was curled up in her arms.

Bella leaned into Alice’s body, grateful for the contact, relieved that what had happened earlier hadn’t sent Alice running like she had after the first time they kissed. When Alice’s arms were wrapped around her she felt safe, she felt like everything would be okay. And, after the night she’d had, she really needed that sense of security and love.

“I brought your presents,” Alice said softly a few minutes later, one of her hands resting on the small of Bella’s back as she leaned over the side of the bed to pick up the bag she had abandoned there earlier.

“You’re more than enough,” Bella sighed snuggling back up against Alice’s shoulder as Alice leaned towards her once again, the bag dangling from her fingers.

Alice laughed lightly. The sound was delightfully airy and, Bella thought, made even sweeter given Alice’s melancholy when she had arrived.

Alice tilted her head to the side and pressed her cool lips to Bella’s forehead. “Why, thank you,” Alice replied chuckling, her tone immeasurably brighter than it had been only moments before, which cheered Bella up greatly. “What’s in the bag is pretty good as well though. Why don’t you open them,” she said pushing the bag in Bella’s direction.

“I’d rather just sit here with you,” Bella said as she took the bag from Alice’s hand.

Alice petted Bella’s hair gently for a few seconds and murmured, “We can do that after,” before she shifted away from Bella’s body enough that she could see her whole face.

“Promise?” Bella asked, something in Alice’s tone making her stomach clench anxiously though she couldn’t say why.

“I promise,” Alice said softly, holding Bella’s eyes. “I’ll stay the night,” she added a second later, her response surprising Bella since Alice had been the one to say that they shouldn’t have sleepovers any more.

Then again, Bella figured, with all of the night’s turmoil there was little to no chance of any inappropriate touching happening, so Alice staying over wouldn’t be a threat to their other relationships.

“Then I’ll open the presents,” Bella said smiling, Alice mirroring her expression as Bella reached into the bag to pull out the only wrapped present inside. “What is it?” Bella asked, her fingers tracing the edges of the package.

“You’ll find out soon enough. Go on and open it,” Alice said laughing softly, her hand resting lightly on Bella’s back, as she leaned over Bella’s shoulder, watching her as she began to work the wrapping paper.

Bella did as she was told and very, very, very carefully peeled back the tape from the edges. Once that was taken care of she then undid the wrapping paper with the utmost care.

“The CDs are from Edward,” Alice said softly, her chin resting on Bella’s shoulder as Bella scanned the objects in her lap. “He worked on them for days.”

Bella touched them lightly, wondering what was on them, hoping that it was some of his original compositions. She’d have to wait to find out however.

“From you?” Bella asked smiling as she lifted the CDs up to see what was underneath, her eyes landing on the cover of what looked to be a very expensive, leather bound sketch book.

Alice nodded. “Open it,” she said softly, her cool, delicious breath tickling Bella’s throat.

She knew that Bella was confused as to why she would give her a sketch book when she knew that Bella didn’t draw, but the answer to that question would be obvious once she opened up the book.

Intrigued, Bella placed the CDs on the bed beside her and then knocked the paper that had held the book off of her lap floor. She then placed the book down on her thighs. Once the book was settled, she reached out and slowly opened the cover of the book, a small gasp falling from her lips when she saw a drawing of herself on the first page.

“You drew this?” Bella asked softly, her eyes scanning the impossibly beautiful version of herself on the page in front of her.

“Mm hmm,” Alice murmured lightly. “And all the others as well,” she continued softly. “I wanted to show you,” she went on, her fingers twining with Bella’s as she spoke, “What I see when I look at you. I wanted you to see how beautiful you are.”

“Alice,” Bella breathed out. “Oh, Alice,” she repeated turning to face her.

Bella stared at her longingly, her eyes sweeping over Alice’s exquisite features. She was just barely managing to control the urge to take Alice’s face in her hands and kiss her until she was in desperate need of air.

“It’s okay,” Alice said softly, looking up into Bella’s eyes.

Bella stared at her for a moment, and then knew, somehow, that Alice knew what she wanted to do, and had just given her permission to do it. She didn’t know why Alice was breaking so many of the rules they had agreed upon – sleeping over and now kissing on the mouth – but the call of Alice’s lips was too much to resist and Bella put her questions out of her head and leaned down, pressing her lips warmly to Alice’s.

Bella sighed, as they kissed. It was soft this time, tender, like it had been on the beach. It was exactly what she needed at that moment, and she knew that she would never forget the way Alice’s lips brushed so gently, so lovingly against her own. She was going to miss kissing Alice when the sun came up and the rules were enforced once more. But, she knew that even though her eyes would sometimes linger on Alice’s lips, remembering the feel of them against her own that she would be alright, that she could cope with the loss, so long as Alice was in her life.

“It’s late,” Alice said a long moment later, her voice a silken melody as she pulled away from Bella’s lips.

“You don’t sleep,” Bella pointed out, cupping Alice’s cheek in her hand, stroking the smooth surface with her thumb.

“That’s true,” Alice said softly, “but you do,” she continued smiling gently.

“You’ll stay?” Bella asked with a touch of anxiety in her voice.

“I’ll stay,” Alice confirmed. She pressed her lips briefly against Bella’s once more and then stood up. “If,” she continued, smiling as Bella turned a pair of worried eyes up at her, “I can I borrow some jammies,” she finished laughing lightly as Bella glared at her.

“I don’t know,” Bella said thoughtfully, standing up herself before she returned her eyes to Alice’s. “Maybe I should make you not-sleep in the nude.”

Alice arched an eyebrow at her.

“This is beginning to feel like a ‘women in prison’ movie,” Alice said smirking, her tone saucy and playful. “I feel like you’re going to threaten to trade me to Charlie for a pack of cigarettes and a disposable cell phone.”

Bella laughed and moved over to Alice hugging her.

“There aren’t enough cigarettes or disposable cell phones in the world to make me trade you,” Bella said happily, kissing Alice on the cheek. “Now, let’s find you some jammies,” she continued taking Alice’s hand and leading her over to her dresser.

---

Bella sighed contentedly and rested her head on Alice’s shoulder, her arm wrapping around Alice’s petite waist as she snuggled up beside her, pressing their bodies together as tightly as she could.

“Comfy?” Alice asked, and Bella could hear the smile in her voice.

“Very,” Bella replied, smiling herself, her thumb stroking Alice’s hip idly.

“Honestly though, aren’t I an uncomfortable mattress?” Alice asked, her voice still light but genuinely curious as well.

“I guess maybe you should be,” Bella responded thoughtfully, “but, no. You’re a very comfortable mattress,” she continued, choosing not to add ‘even more comfortable than Edward’, even though it was true. “Especially when it’s hot out,” Bella added, and she could feel Alice’s chest rise and fall with laughter.

“Who needs air conditioning when you have me, is that it?” Alice asked sounding utterly charmed.

Bella nodded. “You’re just doing your part for the environment. We all have to contribute in our own little ways,” Bella replied, grinning, angling her head up a little so that Alice’s breath brushed over her face as she breathed in and out.

“I’m already doing my part,” Alice said, her hand moving against the small of Bella’s back. “I only eat organic.”

“I didn’t know they had ‘Blood of Mountain Lion’ at Whole Foods,” Bella responded, looking up at Alice’s face, just able to make out her lips curving up in a smile.

“It’s on sale this week. We’ll probably buy in bulk and freeze some,” Alice replied easily. “Esme’s a smart shopper. She’s even cut back on buying squirrel blood because it’s high in cholesterol.”

Bella propped herself up on her arm and looked down at Alice.

“You don’t really drink squirrel blood, do you?” she asked, her nose wrinkling a little at the thought.

“What? Is that suddenly too much for you?” Alice asked amused, her laughter twinkling through the bedroom. “Drinking blood is no problem. Hunting mountain lions and grizzlies, makes perfect sense. But, squirrel blood is gross and weird?”

“I didn’t say it was gross and weird,” Bella responded, narrowing her eyes at Alice and giving her the stink-eye. “I was just surprised. Mountain lion and grizzlies and elk just seem kind of classy. Whereas squirrel just seems so … I don’t know, white trash or something,” Bella said making a face again as she imagined Alice in a Cheetos stained tank-top, lounging on pastel-striped plastic furniture.

Alice smiled widely at that.

“Some folk'll never eat a squirrel/But then again, some folk'll/Like Al-ice the Slack-Jawed Yokel,” Alice responded singing the tune from The Simpsons, the words coming out slightly muffled due to her laughter as she sung. “Can I start calling you Brandine?” she asked a few seconds later, giving the name an exaggerated southern drawl as she started to laugh again.

“No,” Bella responded seriously, managing to hold the somber expression for almost three seconds before she broke out into a grin and added, “Not unless you want me to sic my smellhound on yer.”

“Silly goose,” Alice declared happily, tapping Bella on the nose. Bella beamed down at her. “In all seriousness though,” Alice started up a few moments later, “We don’t drink squirrel blood. They’re much too tiny,” she continued smirking at Bella. “It’d be like … like, having one piece of popcorn chicken for dinner.”

Bella laughed and bent over, pressing her lips against Alice’s. Alice sighed contently and leaned back, allowing Bella’s body to press against her as Bella’s tongue slipped into her mouth, deepening the kiss.

Alice allowed her hand to move to Bella’s back, moving it up and down restlessly as Bella continued to kiss her, the younger girl’s chest pressing against hers, creating the most delightful friction.

Bella felt Alice’s hand move up to cup her cheek, the raven-hair beauties thumb stroking her skin softly, urging her back. Bella pressed her lips against Alice’s once more, and then acquiesced to Alice’s silent request and placed some space between them.

“Doesn’t,” Alice began hesitantly a moment later, still stroking Bella’s cheek, “Tell me honestly,” she continued, changing tracks. “Doesn’t it bother you a little bit, lying here with me? Kissing me? Making jokes about drinking blood? Aren’t you the least bit apprehensive, especially after what happened tonight?”

“No,” Bella said, no hint of doubt in her voice. “I like kissing you, and you have to drink blood to survive. You can’t help that. Besides, you didn’t hurt me tonight, Alice,” Bella continued. “Surprised me a little, but you didn’t hurt me. And … I know you never will. I trust you Alice, I trust you with my life,” she finished. Her voice was low, vibrating with conviction, and her eyes were as serious as Alice had ever seen them.

Alice stroked Bella’s cheek again and then lifted her head, pressing her lips against the corner of Bella’s mouth, wishing that she had half of the confidence in herself that Bella had in her.

Gently, Alice guided Bella’s head back to her shoulder.

“You really should get some sleep,” she said softly. “You’ll have to be up in a few hours,” she continued glancing at the bedside clock. It was past 3 AM.

“Yeah,” Bella said yawning, her arm snaking around Alice’s waist again, holding her tightly.

Alice relaxed into the hold and kissed the top of Bella’s head tenderly, her thoughts once again becoming plagued by the events of the party as Bella sighed contentedly beside her.

Bella trusted her, and she wanted to trust herself, but she knew better than to believe Bella’s propaganda … as much as she wanted to. Control only went so far. A person could only be tested so much before they broke. She had reined herself in this time, and she could probably do it the next time, and the time after that. But how long could her luck hold? How long could her control last? How many close calls could they really have before her instincts overpowered will?

She could tell Bella, try to explain how hard it had been for her stop when she had her pressed against the wall earlier. She could tell her how, even after Bella had slapped her and she realized what had been going on, it had been a struggle for her to back away, and then to stay in one place. She could try to make Bella understand that she’d had to fight with everything that she had, marshal together every ounce of her will power to keep herself rooted in that spot. She tell her how her love for Bella had been warring with her instinct to kill, the internal struggle tearing at her until she had been half crazy with fear and frustration, screaming into the night for some kind of release.

She could try to tell Bella all of that, but she knew it wouldn’t work. Bella wouldn’t, or couldn’t believe her. She would say something like, ‘See how strong you are? This is why I trust you. This is why I’m not afraid,’ and then she would hug her and kiss her and tell her how wonderful she was.

The trust Bella had in her would never waver, Alice was sure of that. She could have had her teeth buried in Bella’s neck and Bella would have held onto the belief that she would pull herself away any second, believing that thought right until the last drop of blood in her body was drained and her life slipped away.

Alice sighed and breathed in deeply, Bella’s tantalizing scent washing over her, making her tingle. She clenched her teeth and closed her eyes, willing her hands to stay put, to not start caressing Bella’s body like she wanted to; to not take Bella’s face in her hands and kiss her until their minds were hazy and their bodies trembling.

Bella was just so tempting, so very tempting, in every way imaginable.

It was impossible for her to resist.

The rules she had come up with were a paper wall, and their emotions were a flood. There was no way it could hold them back, protect them. They were lame-duck laws, utterly useless, and they were now lying in a broken heap at the bottom of Bella’s bed along with Alice’s clothes and the wrapping paper.

“G’night, Alice,” Bella murmured, her voice heavy with sleep.

“Good night, Bella,” Alice whispered, her voice stricken as she realized what she had to do.

Bella’s eyes fluttered for a few seconds then closed; Alice’s body strong and secure beside her, quickly lulling her into a pleasant, dreamless slumber.

---

Bella awoke the next morning feeling oddly warm, and knew immediately that something was wrong.

Her heart beginning to pound in her chest, Bella’s eyes flew open and her head immediately turned to the side.

She sucked in a deep breath, her stomach churning as she looked at the space beside her.

Alice was gone.

Bella placed her hand on the mattress where Alice’s body had been the night before, her eyes closing as she felt the gentle warmth of it.

Alice had been gone for a while.

Bella brought her hand up to her face, covering her eyes with it as she felt tears begin to sting her eyes.

Alice was gone.

Bella drew her knees up, and wrapped her arms around them tightly. She then rested her forehead against them. She sat still for a moment, breathing deeply, blinking again and again. After a few seconds however, a chocked sob escaped from her throat, and with the vocalization of her pain, she began to cry.

She began to cry, because somehow she knew, she just knew. In that ancient, primordial part of her that quaked at the sound of thunder, Bella knew, just knew, that she wasn’t going to see Alice again for a very long time.

To be continued …