MARCH
Bella entered the house, a weary sigh falling from her lips. Closing the door behind her, she breathed in deeply and worried her bottom lip, still unable to believe that Victoria had been so close to her and that she had been completely unaware of her. Of course, she had been busy almost drowning at the time, but the thought of it sent a fresh wave of shivers through her body.
Combing her fingers tiredly through her hair, Bella reached for the light switch. However, before her fingers could make contact with it, the lights in the hallway flickered on and Bella saw that there was someone there, waiting for her.
---
Bella froze, her eyes staring unblinking forward as she took in the impossibly perfect figure, gleaming in front of her. As the figure stood motionless, Bella couldn’t help but stare at the face, so beautiful that it was almost painful, almost beyond imagining.
Her knees trembled, and she almost fell, but then the shock of the moment wore off and Bella straightened, glaring at the lovely statue in front of her.
“Bella,” the word fell softly from Alice’s lips, her tone fragile, hopeful and yet disbelieving. “Bella,” she repeated again, her voice a little stronger this time, as if she were beginning to comprehend that Bella was indeed standing in front of her. “Bella,” she sighed once more.
A moment after that, Bella found herself wrapped up in strong, cool arms, Alice’s lips pressed to her cheek, as the petite brunette drew her limp body against her own, hugging her desperately.
“Oh, thank god,” Alice whispered pulling back from Bella, her hands moving from around Bella’s waist to cup her face in her hands. “Thank god,” she said, staring at Bella face for a second before drawing her back into another hug.
“Let go,” Bella said, her voice shaking as her body shivered. “Now!” The word was as close to a growl as her human voice was capable of producing.
Alice released her immediately and took a step back from her, watching Bella’s face very closely.
“Bella,” Alice started, the name coming out slowly, her earlier exuberance replaced by caution.
“No,” Bella said cutting her off before she could say anything more. She shook her head from side to side, and then pushed past Alice, moving into the family room where she began to pace. “What are you …” Bella began a few seconds later, halting halfway through the question, before starting up again with another one. “Why are … what are you doing here?” she finally managed to get out, rounding on Alice, her eyes watery and vicious.
Five months. It had been five months since she had woken up to an empty bed, and in all of that time, she had not heard a word from Alice.
Oh, of course there had been the letter, the one that Edward had handed her that morning at school. Of course, there was that letter where Alice explained that the party had made her realize how weak she was, and that no matter how good her intentions may have been that she knew that Bella would always remain a temptation to her, and she herself a danger to Bella. Of course, there was that letter where Alice told her that Jasper needed her more than ever, and that she couldn’t risk hurting him, or Bella herself, even more by giving into her feelings for her again.
There had been that letter where Alice said goodbye.
But after that, there had been nothing, absolutely nothing … for five months.
And now Alice was back … in her house … hugging her … kissing her cheek ... like she actually cared … like they were friends. And … and … fuck that! Bella thought viciously. Fuck. That.
“I,” Alice began blinking rapidly, before her words failed her and she had to pause. “I saw you die,” Alice finally breathed out. “I saw you jump,” she continued, tentatively taking a step towards Bella, her eyes shimmering in that specific way that Bella knew meant Alice would have been crying if she had been able to. “The water, it pulled you under … you were so small,” Alice continued, walking closer and closer to Bella as she spoke. “How are you alive?” she finished, blinking as her hand twitched at her side.
“What do you care?” Bella asked looking away from Alice’s dark, concerned eyes.
She could see that Alice was worried, that she was scared, and was having a difficult time, so she forced herself to look away, because she did not want to be comforting Alice; Alice who had left her, who had gone, who had abandoned her and made a vacant lot of her heart.
Fuck. That.
She was angry at Alice. She was angry as hell at Alice. She was anger. Her anger was the only thing keeping her together, the only thing stopping her from collapsing to the floor and becoming a quivering mass of tears. So she had to hold onto her anger. She had to hold onto it or she would never stop crying.
And she had cried enough over Alice Cullen … and Edward Cullen, and all of the rest of them.
Fuck. That.
Bella leveled Alice with an absolutely lethal glare. “Alive, dead,” she began hostilely, “What does it matter to you? It’s not like you’ve been around to miss me. It’s not like you give a shit. It’s not like you care.”
“Bella please,” Alice said, her hand twitching again, and then lifting as if to reach out, before she dropped it to her side again. “Don’t be like this,” she whispered her voice soft and beseeching.
“You left,” Bella said turning fiery eyes towards Alice. “You left, and now you’re here, in my house, making demands of me, telling me not to be like this,” she continued, the last five words coming out with mocking derision.
Bella paced, tugging at her hair.
“A letter,” Bella said rounding on Alice, staring at her for a moment until her face fell and she had to turn away, her eyes squeezing tightly shut as she did. “I thought you … cared about me, and the best you could do was a letter,” she went on.
Her voice was strangled, her eyes still closed as she kept her head angled to the side, trying to keep the tears stinging her eyes at bay.
“The only way it could have hurt more was if you sent me an email … or … or … texted,” she spat out, chancing a glance at Alice before looking away again. “At least Edward had the guts to say goodbye in person. At least he had enough character, and common decency to look at me as he smashed my heart to pieces.”
Not that there had been much left for him to devastate, Bella thought meanly. He’d had to settle for breaking the remains, the foundations and pieces of wall that had been left standing after Alice’s blitzkrieg attack.
Alice sucked in a sharp breath, and then exhaled slowly, her head dropping and her eyes closing as she took a few more deep breaths.
“I cared,” Alice said finally, looking up at Bella as she spoke. “I care. I never stopped caring,” she went on softly. “After what I had done to you … what I still wanted, so badly to do, even as you slept so peacefully in my arms …” Alice continued, squeezing her eyes shut against the memory.
“When I left, I thought it would be best for everyone. I had only talked to Edward briefly, I couldn’t risk letting him read my thoughts, so I was only around him briefly, he … he never mentioned anything about … about leaving,” she went on, looking away, gazing around the room as she took another deep breath. “I thought it would be better … you and Edward here, Jasper and I, somewhere else. No more temptation, no more danger,” she said sighing, a rueful smile briefly touching her lips. “And then Edward showed up, and I wanted so badly … so badly to come back, to see you,” Alice continued, her voice hitching, “but I couldn’t, I couldn’t come back. I couldn’t leave Jasper. He knew something was wrong, and to leave then, the damage it would have done,” she shook her head rapidly from side to side. “I couldn’t leave. And I thought that ... that it would be better not to call, not to contact you, not when I couldn’t come back.”
“A clean break,” Bella muttered darkly.
“Yes,” Alice said nodding, blinking rapidly before dropping her head down. “I suppose so.”
Bella stared at Alice for a long moment after that, watching as her thin frame shook, and her big, dark eyes blinked, trying to contain tears that she was no longer capable of crying.
Bella averted her eyes.
She sensed the danger in watching Alice fall apart, and she tired to call up the anger that she had been holding onto before, the anger that had been sustaining her. But the anger was gone. The anger had left her.
And with it, it had taken her strength.
Bella collapsed onto the couch and put her head in her hands, her breathing shallow as her eyes began to tear up.
Alice approached her, slowly, tentatively, as if she wasn’t sure if Bella was going to look up and starting yelling at her again. Nonetheless, she continued moving forward until she reached the couch, and then she sat down beside Bella, her arm wrapping around Bella’s shoulder.
Bella shuddered slightly as she felt Alice’s cool arm wrap around her, and then she turned into Alice’s body and buried her face her neck, the tears she had been trying to hold back, finally escaping as she began to sob.
“I’m so sorry,” Alice said long moments later as Bella’s sobs began to lessen. “I’m so sorry,” she repeated, holding Bella tightly as the girl curled up in her lap, clinging to her as if she were the only thing keeping her together. “Oh, Bella,” she sighed, kissing her forehead.
Bella had no idea how long she was sitting in Alice’s lap crying while the raven-haired beauty petted her and whispered words of comfort to her. She only knew that when the sobs stopped and the tears ceased to flow, that she felt lighter and freer than she had in months, and, that despite the pain Alice’s well-intentioned departure had caused her, that she was glad Alice was back.
“I missed you,” Bella murmured, her voice faint and raw. “I missed you so much.”
“I missed you too,” Alice told her, her voice fierce and rough with conviction. “You were always on my mind, and in my heart. A day didn’t go by where I didn’t long for you.”
Bella sighed. Her sobs were now no more than sniffles, and reached down to take Alice’s hand in her own, and squeezed it gently. “I’m still mad at you. But, I’m glad you’re here,” she breathed out, snuggling against Alice, allowing the vampires scent to wash over her, her closeness comforting her.
“Bella,” Alice said softly, stroking Bella’s hair lightly as she spoke. “Bella, what happened? Why did you jump?”
Bella breathed in deeply, taking in more of Alice’s scent. She was so tired, so very, very sleepy. All she wanted to do was close her eyes, but Alice was talking to her. Alice was asking her something, something important. Alice wanted to know why she jumped.
Bella straightened up in Alice’s lap, pulling back enough that she could see the raven-haired beauties face. Alice looked scared and pained, and she suddenly realized what Alice must have thought. Alice was surprised when she saw her walk in the door. Clearly, her vision hadn’t shown Jacob rescuing her, only … only her jumping off the cliff and the waves taking her over.
“It’s not what you think,” Bella said softly, cupping Alice’s cheek as she spoke. “I wasn’t trying to kill myself.”
“Then what?” Alice asked, her tone uncertain though her eyes were longing. She wanted to believe that Bella hadn’t tried to kill herself, but she needed an explanation, she needed something that would make the vision make sense.
“It was recreational,” Bella said making a little face as she spoke, realizing how that sounded. “Really, I’d seen some of Jacob’s friend’s diving off the cliff,” she continued quickly, explaining what she meant. “It looked like fun. It looked exciting, and I was bored. I thought that I would … you know, try it out,” Bella sighed.
It had just been another one of the dangerous pursuits she had undertaken to hear Alice’s laughter in her mind, and Edward’s sweet, warning voice.
“I didn’t give much thought to the storm though, or the water really. I didn’t realize the trouble would be after the jump,” Bella finished, dropping her eyes.
Alice looked distinctly unhappy with what Bella was telling her, but to Bella’s intense relief she didn’t try to lecture her.
“How did you get to shore?” Alice asked, her eyebrows knitting together in consternation. It didn’t make sense that she would see Bella jump and go under, but not Bella swimming to shore, or whatever it was that had happened.
“Jacob,” Bella said, a small smile touching her lips as she said his name. “He jumped in after me and I guess towed me to shore. I was kind of out of it at that point, but I remember seeing him, and then waking up on shore.”
Alice frowned. “Someone pulled you out?” she asked still sounding bewildered.
“Yes,” Bella said, her fingers ghosting across Alice’s furrowed brow. “Jacob. He jumped in after me. He saved me.”
Alice released a puff of air, but her brows remained furrowed, and her eyes uncomfortable and perplexed.
Then, very slowly Alice leaned forward and sniffed at Bella’s shoulder. As soon as she did her head immediately jerked back and her nose scrunched. She blinked a few times, and then leaned forward and sniffed again. This time she didn’t jerk back in surprise, but she looked unhappy and a little disquieted.
“What?” Bella asked a little self-consciously.
Alice had always loved the way she smelled before. On the nights that Alice had slept over before things had started to go wrong between them, she had fond memories of Alice burying her nose in the spot where her neck met her shoulder, inhaling deeply as she laughed at swatted her hand at Alice, pretending like she wanted her stop, when really she was just delighted to have the other girl so close to her.
“You stink,” Alice said, her tone petulance defined as she frowned. She looked like a toddler who’d just had their favorite toy taken away, and if Bella hadn’t been insulted by her words, she would have found Alice’s tone and expression adorable.
“Do not,” Bella responded automatically, her tone indignant as her eyes narrowed at Alice.
“You do,” Alice insisted, drawing her head a little further back from Bella. “You smell awful,” she continued making a face, putting a completely unnecessary emphasis on ‘awful’.
“You didn’t seem to mind earlier when you couldn’t stop hugging me,” Bella pointed out as she stared at Alice pouting. “You couldn’t get enough of me then,” she added smugly though she was still pouting.
Alice smirked at that. “I was happy to see you,” she said, though she still kept her head back. “I wasn’t really paying attention to how you smelt, but now that I am …” she stopped speaking and wrinkled her nose. “Jacob’s your friend from La Push?” Alice asked a moment later, her lip twitching minutely as she spoke.
Bella nodded still a little offended by the way Alice was now keeping her head angled away from her.
“And he pulled you out of a riptide?” Alice asked, her eyebrows creasing again.
Bella nodded again.
“He must be strong,” Alice commented, her eyes searching Bella’s.
“Yeah,” Bella breathed out softly. “He is. He’s … well, he’s sort of a werewolf,” she continued, watching Alice closely to see if she would display any of the hostility Jacob did when the Cullen’s were brought up.
“Ugh,” Alice exclaimed, a shudder running through her body. “Well, that certainly explains the smell,” she continued making a very uncomplimentary face. “When did you start hanging out with werewolves?” Alice asked. The question sounded almost accusatory.
“When all of my vampires left,” Bella responded with a touch of frost in her voice. “Jacob was here for me when no one else was. He saved me. And I don’t just mean this afternoon,” she continued, her voice a little gentler when Alice looked away shamefacedly.
“Sorry,” Alice murmured, knowing that she was being rude. “Sorry,” she repeated contritely. “You just caught me by surprise,” she continued looking up at Bella tentatively. “Also, I’m a little cranky,” she revealed sheepishly.
“Why?” Bella asked, stroking her cheek. She had already forgiven her. It was very hard to stay mad at Alice, especially when she was curled up in her lap.
“I liked the way you smelled,” Alice said almost petulantly. “I don’t like this,” she practically whined, waving in Bella’s general direction. “I miss your scent.”
“Oh Alice,” Bella whispered, beyond charmed with Alice’s bout of peevishness.
Bella leaned forward to kiss her cheek, but Alice drew away, her eyes panicked and then apologetic as Bella pulled back from her.
“This is frickin’ ridiculous,” Bella grumbled, frowning at Alice.
“I know, I know,” Alice said, trying to placate Bella though she still maintained her distance. “I’m sorry. It’s just kind of a primal instinct.”
“You’re good at controlling your instincts,” Bella responded, really, really wanting to be able to get close to Alice again. “Why can’t you just meditate or whatever it is you guys do and come closer?”
“I am controlling it, Bella,” Alice responded seriously. “If it was anyone but you who smelt like this I’d be halfway across the room … hissing.”
“Are you serious?” Bella asked, actually surprised by the strength of Alice’s aversion to Jacob’s scent.
Alice nodded her hand rubbing at Bella’s thigh, though she was careful not to let her face get any closer to Bella.
Bella stood up.
“Don’t leave!” Alice said suddenly, reaching out for Bella and drawing her back into her lap. She thought that she had lost Bella forever, and now that she knew she was alive and had held her in her arms again, she never wanted to let her go. She never wanted to even let her out of her sight. “I won’t pull away again,” Alice added desperately a second later.
“Yes you will,” Bella said, but her tone was light and playful. “Don’t worry. I’m just going to take a shower,” she continued, her fingers brushing over Alice’s, encouraging the vampire to release the loose hold she had on her. “I want to spend the night curled up with you, and I don’t want you rolling away from me whenever I try to hug you.”
“Oh,” Alice murmured letting go of Bella’s wrist. “Okay then,” she murmured softly, smiling tentatively over at Bella.
“Silly vampire,” Bella whispered fondly, pressing her finger to her lips and then pressing her finger against Alice’s cheek. “I’ll be back in a jiffy.”
And with that, Bella hopped off of Alice’s lap and headed for the stairs, really and truly happy for the first time in half a year.
To be continued …
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
fembuck
