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fembuckTitle: The Humpty Dumpty Conundrum
Author: Janine
Fandom: Sarah Connor Chronicles
Pairing: Sarah/Cameron
Rating: PG
Disclaimer: I don’t own them.
Summary: The next chapter of the “A Helping Hand” series.
Previous Chapters
1. a helping hand
2. just this once
---
Sarah looked down staring into the shimmering amber liquid at the bottom of the glass in her hand and then brought it up to her lips, quickly tossing the drink back. Her eyes closing as the whisky burned its way down her throat, and as she swallowed the last of it a small, gruff exhalation of air escaped her lungs.
Allowing her eyes to flutter closed Sarah rolled her shoulders her head swinging rhythmically from side to side like a pendulum as she stretched out her neck trying to relieve the tension still coiling throughout her body. When it failed to work – just like it had failed to work the other ten times she had tired it – her eyes migrated over to the counter top where the bottle of Jack she had been drinking from sat. She stared at it for a long moment, the black and white label calling to her like a sirens song enticing her hand closer and closer.
Her fingers glided across the counter top until they brushed against the smooth, comforting rounded edges of the bottle, calloused fingers wrapping around its contours almost lovingly before she lifted it from its perch.
With her other hand she reached for the screw top and regretfully secured it on the bottle. Once that was taken care of she bent down and opened the cupboard under the sink so that she could shove the Jack back into its hiding place behind the plastic basket that housed the extra bottles of Palmolive, the garbage bags and a box of baking soda.
She was already two shots in and she knew it would be a mistake to take another. Getting into the habitat of relieving her stress with drink was not something she wanted to or could afford to fall into.
Still, every once in while, when the world was really giving it to her like medieval bar wench it was necessary for her and Jack to get together for a quick “hello” in order for her to keep her sanity – or what was left of it at least.
Bringing her hand to her face Sarah scrubbed her fingers across her eyes and then pinched the bridge of her nose wearily.
It would be a good idea to try and get some sleep.
//What the hell were you before you hit your head?
“Hell” is a bad word.
So is "ass," "bitch," I could probably rattle off 50 much more complicated and disgusting ones, but then your dad would get pissed at me.//
Sarah smirked as the words from the living room registered with her for the first time. She had heard the television set turn out about halfway through her first glass of whiskey but nothing was going to distract her from finishing that drink … or the second one and she had promptly put it out of her mind.
Now however, as her eyes drifted across the floor taking in the pale flickering light from the other room she found that she was drawn towards the sound.
“What are you watching?” Sarah asked moving into the room tiredly dropping onto the loveseat opposite the couch Cameron was situated on.
The Terminator was planted in the middle cushion of the couch with her trim legs tucked underneath her, her eyes focused forward on the television screen as if it was bestowing upon her a great treasure trove of information.
“House,” Cameron responded her eyes drifting away from the screen now that something considerably more interesting had caught her attention.
Sarah’s eyebrow scrunched together into a scowl and she stared at Cameron with a mildly disgruntled look on her face.
“It’s a show about an acerbic but brilliant doctor who is devoid of bedside manner who wouldn’t even talk to his patients if he could get away with it,” Cameron begun realizing that Sarah didn’t know what she was talking about. Sarah’s eyebrows often did that when she was confused. “His behavior can border on antisocial, but he is a brilliant diagnostician whose unconventional thinking and flawless instincts allow him to solve medical mysteries and save lives,” Cameron continued as Sarah stared at her unused to such a litany of words flowing from the Terminator’s lips. “He also wears sneakers.”
Sarah blinked at that her lips quirking up a bit in amusement as she did. Sometimes the tidbits of information that Cameron chose to share with her absolutely boggled her mind.
“Is it any good?” Sarah asked finally after giving her head a little shake.
“You are troubled,” Cameron responded ignoring Sarah’s question completely, the room descending into a darkness broken only by the moonlight as Cameron turned off the television set, her attention focused completely on Sarah.
“You were watching that,” Sarah commented her eyes flickering to the now dark screen, a little uncomfortable now that she couldn’t pretend that Cameron wasn’t staring at her like she was a rat in a plastic container trying to make her way towards a delectable piece of cheese.
“Inconsequential,” Cameron responded patiently waiting until Sarah’s eyes returned to hers. “You’re evading.”
“Is that what I was doing?” Sarah asked her eyes focused on Cameron’s face, watching the way the moonlight accentuated the girl’s features, highlighting them as the shadows shifted across them, light and dark playing across her skin. She looked haunting beautiful.
“Yes,” Cameron responded simply. Sarah always tried to change the subject when she was troubled. “You always try to change the subject when you are troubled,” Cameron continued, unfolding her lithe limbs when she finished speaking, rising gracefully to her feet a moment later.
“It’s a good thing I have such a bubbly personality then or else talking to me might be quite a challenge,” Sarah quipped watching as Cameron moved towards her, her gaze falling to the girl’s hips, captivated by the way they swayed gently as she moved towards her.
“You also try to make jokes when you are troubled,” Cameron said coming to a stop beside Sarah’s seat looking down at the older brunette as she spoke, her eyes dark and serious as Sarah tilted her head up to look at her.
“Try?” Sarah asked arching a questioning eyebrow. She was sure her comment was in the general vicinity of amusing or at least adjacent to it.
Cameron considered Sarah for a moment and then blinked slowly before saying, “I’m sorry. You are very funny. I forgot to laugh.”
Sarah stared at Cameron for a moment, her teeth clamping down on her lower lip as her eyes began to water in an attempt to contain a sudden burst of laughter. However, she couldn’t contain the emotion entirely and a strangled, choking sound emerged from her throat before a small smile helplessly touched her lips.
“That was a funny joke,” Cameron declared her own lips turning up in a self-satisfied smirk.
Then, without another word and with a rapidity and grace that only Cameron could manage, the girl moved onto the loveseat beside Sarah efficiently arranging herself so that her back was resting against the arm of the chair and then she reached out for older woman drawing Sarah towards her until Sarah’s back was resting against her torso and the mother of all destiny was securely situated between her thighs.
Sarah tensed in Cameron’s embrace surprised by the full body contact but then forced herself to relax marginally. She was getting more used to casual physical contact with Cameron, though she still wasn’t sure whether that was a good thing or not. Ever since the night Cameron had hugged her by the window the girl had taken to wrapping her arms around her whenever she looked the slightest bit blue. The first two times she had tried it after that night Sarah struggled and pushed her off, pointing a warning finger at her before stalking away. But the third time she had allowed the contact for a few seconds before gently disentangling herself. And the last time, as she had stared out of the kitchen window morosely waiting for her morning coffee to brew, the remnants of a nightmare still weighing on her mind, Cameron had wrapped her arms around her from behind and Sarah had leaned back into the girl, her eyes fluttering closed and her mind clearing for a moment as she accepted the embrace.
If it hadn’t been for John’s sleepy footsteps moving towards the kitchen she might have stayed in Cameron’s arms like that all morning, and that thought, no matter how fleeting and off-the-cuff, disturbed Sarah deeply.
“You can’t just grab me whenever you think I may possibly be upset,” Sarah sighed in an exasperated tone shifting uneasily within the circle of Cameron’s arms.
“Why not?” Cameron asked continuing to hold Sarah.
“Because,” Sarah replied her voice trailing off as she struggled to think of something to say because grabbing her when she seemed to be upset had actually been working rather well. “Hugs can’t fix everything,” Sarah persisted a few seconds later ignoring her previous thought, her voice tired and weary. “Sometimes Humpty Dumpy just can’t be put back together again.”
Cameron was silent after she finished speaking no doubt computing or processing or analyzing or whatever it was that she did the response Sarah had just given, and Sarah found her mind wandering in the quiet. She could feel Cameron’s chest rising and falling behind her the constant motion oddly soothing. She was also intently aware of the weight of Cameron’s hands on her stomach, the warmth from Cameron’s body behind her and her arms around her forming a protective little cocoon around Sarah that was calming and alarmingly intimate.
It was then that Sarah realized the fifth time Cameron hugged her was different yet again, because Cameron wasn’t really hugging her. She was lying in Cameron’s arms. They were sharing the same space on the couch. She was nestled between the girl’s bent legs. They were not hugging. They were snuggling. And the moment Sarah realized this she began struggling trying to twist her way out of Cameron’s embrace.
Cameron held onto her gently yet firmly.
“Maybe,” Cameron began softly, the sudden sound of her voice calming Sarah’s movements for a moment, “if Humpty Dumpty was being hugged he wouldn’t have fallen,” Cameron continued thoughtfully her arms tightening around Sarah as she spoke as if trying to prove that her arms were strong enough to keep Sarah safe and sound on the wall next to her.
Sarah’s eye narrowed and her lips formed a thin line. She was irrationally annoyed by Cameron’s response because she couldn’t immediately think of something to repute it and because there was a part of her that thought it was sweet.
“I’m not troubled anymore,” Sarah said forcing herself to remain calm. When she struggled Cameron resisted but when she was calm the girl always relented. “You can let go of me now.”
Cameron loosened her arms reluctantly freeing Sarah from her grasp. She would have liked the hug to go on for a while longer. She enjoyed hugging Sarah. When she touched Sarah she felt all sorts of strange new wonderful things. She didn’t know how to identify or catalogue the emotions that Sarah brought out in her but she did know that she enjoyed them and that they were worth feeling simply for the sensation of it, the comfort of it … the want of it.
However, she knew that it was futile to fight with Sarah over it. When Sarah wanted the hugs to end, they always ended. She was of course physically capable of the forcing the contact to continue but she couldn’t restrain Sarah for long without hurting her. Besides which, she was certain that psychically restraining Sarah wouldn’t help make her feel better.
Sarah stood as quickly as she could without making it look like she was trying to stand as quickly as she could.
Cameron remained seated on the couch tucking her legs underneath her body before looking over at Sarah with a sullen expression.
“What?” Sarah asked peevishly as she took in Cameron’s hang-dog expression, hating her for being able to have a hang-dog expression. It wasn’t fair that she should be made to feel guilty for not wanting to snuggle with a bucket-of-bolts by the handsy bucket-of-bolts in question.
“Do you really feel better?” Cameron asked her dark eyes focused intently on Sarah a trace of petulant accusation in her tone that made Sarah blink, her jaw clenching a second later as she tried not to smile.
“I do,” Sarah responded surprising herself with the truthfulness of her response. She didn’t really want to feel better, but maddeningly she did.
Sarah watched as Cameron studied her critically. She realized that Cameron was probably reading her bioelectric signals or listening to respiratory patterns – or something equally as creepy – to determine the truth of her statement and waited for the prognosis.
Her examination complete, Cameron’s expression gentled.
“Your pants are not on fire.”
Sarah gave into her amusement at that and released a short bark of laughter before bringing her hand up to her face to cover her mouth, her eyes watering as she attempted to control the outburst of amusement.
Cameron looked up to meet her eyes a tiny smile playing on her lips as they looked at each other and Sarah knew that her comment had been another one of Cameron’s intentional jokes and Sarah was forced to admit that for a Tin Woman Cameron had a pretty good sense of humor.
“I’m going to bed,” Sarah declared her features becoming impassive once more, the moment of camaraderie between them sobering her.
“Sleep well,” Cameron said her voice soft and subdued obviously having picked up on Sarah’s new mood.
Sarah parted her lips to wish Cameron the same as a peace offering of sorts before she remembered that the words would be useless. Cameron was a robot. Cameron didn’t sleep. Cameron was a construct not a person and she shouldn’t have had to remind herself of that every ten seconds.
Sarah moved towards the door of the living room. As she reached the border of the hallway that led to her room however, she paused and turned to look behind her, watching for a moment as Cameron moved back over to the couch she had been sitting on before Sarah had entered the living room and picked up the remote to the television once more.
“What’s on next?” Sarah asked not sure why she bothered since she was going to sleep and there was absolutely no chance that she would do anything but that.
“Baywatch,” Cameron responded before she had even turned the television.
Sarah smirked. Cameron had probably assimilated the entire late night television schedule the day they had gotten the television hooked up.
“It is a popular American television series about the Los Angeles County Lifeguards who,” Cameron continued when Sarah didn’t verbally respond.
“That one I know,” Sarah interjected with a small smile.
“You could stay,” Cameron said softly, her eyes drifting over to hold Sarah’s, something that looked disturbingly like hopefulness or longing registering in their dark depths.
Sarah’s eyes drifted to the cushion beside Cameron. She was tempted, but she was certain that if she stayed it would lead to more inappropriate contact and inappropriate emotions and she absolutely wouldn’t have that. Especially because, somewhere in a dark recesses of her mind that she usually tried to ignore, her brain was whispering to her that it was the prospect of more inappropriate contact with Cameron that was tempting her to stay more than nostalgia for bad 90s television shows was, and she did not have the mentally strength to deal with that disturbing idea at the moment let alone the physical reality of it.
“Maybe next time,” Sarah responded quietly, telling herself that there was absolutely no hint of regret in her tone. None.
“Maybe,” Cameron responded holding Sarah’s eyes for a moment longer before turning to face the television set on once again. “Goodnight, Sarah.”
“Goodnight,” Sarah replied before turning resolutely and heading to her room.
The End
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Date: 2008-02-15 10:14 pm (UTC)Damn, I wish it worked that way. Cameron's would be more hard to find than Wii's if people could order them. *sigh* It's a lovely dream though.
Oh Sarah, come here and let me introduce you to all that is House and the wonder that is Olivia Wilde.
lol, now that we know 13 "goes both ways" I'm sure Sarah would be doubly interested to meet her!