Fic: Eyes Wide Shut (Rachel/Ivy, The Hollows 2/5)

[fembuck]

Title: Eyes Wide Shut
Author: Janine
Fandom: The Hollow
Pairing: Rachel/Ivy, some Rachel/Kisten
Rating: R
Disclaimer: I don’t own them.
Summary: An uncomfortable incident leads to Rachel being forced to deal with her feelings for Ivy.

Eyes Wide Shut - Part One

PART II

I’d been back at the church for an hour when I heard the front door open and then close. No footsteps followed the sound and I knew that Ivy was home.

When I had gotten home from Kisten’s boat, I’d immediately gone and taken a shower. After getting out and getting dressed I’d spent nearly half an hour pacing restlessly through the church. As I walked I tried to dispute what Kisten had said to me earlier. Now that I was home, and fully dressed instead of being vulnerable and naked under a sheet, I thought that my mind would work better. I thought that without the awkwardness and emotional distress that had surrounded us on the boat that I would be able to set things straight inside me, figuratively and literally.

I hadn’t been able to.

Our talk on the boat had awoken something inside of me. It had made me think of things differently, and I couldn’t pull the wool over my eyes. I thought the words, ‘I am straight,’ and ‘I do not want to have sex with Ivy’, but thoughts would come to me of Ivy, and Ivy’s hands and lips on my body, and I would tingle. I remembered the sight of Ivy looking like a construction worker’s wet dream in her worn hip-hugger jeans and black t-shirt, and it made me press my thighs together. I thought about her lips, and the way I would tremble when a hint of fang would show through her smile. I thought about her in her tight leather pants, and I wanted to run my nails up the length of her thighs and move them around to her ass to cup the perfect globes.

I’d always had an appreciation for Ivy’s beauty. More than once I had found myself almost dazed by how incredibly good looking she was, but I had always told myself it was a purely aesthetic appreciation. I’d always told myself I’d feel the same way if I ever got around to seeing the Mona Lisa in person. But it wasn’t aesthetic anymore, and I doubt that it ever really had been. It was hot, and sweaty, and left me slick and swollen now. I didn’t want to just look at her, I also wanted to touch.

“Rachel!”

I lifted my head from the arm of Ivy’s chair at the sound of her voice. She sounded worried, almost panicked and I wondered what Kisten had told her to get her back here so soon.

“I’m in here,” I called out, remaining where I was curled up her chair.

“Are you okay? Kisten called, he said that you needed me. I got here as soon as I could. I …” the barrage of words that had been falling from her lips as she moved towards the living room stopped as she paused in the doorway. She stared at me blinking, and I knew that it was the combination of our scents and the fact that I was perfectly fine that stopped her short. She was probably expecting to find me bruised, or crying or both, or worse. But I was lying in my comfy jeans in her chair looking slightly perturbed … if that.

“You’re okay,” Ivy breathed out a few seconds later, and I could see that she was taking quick shallow breaths in an effort to avoid taking in too much of our combined scents. I’d rested in her chair before, and normally it wasn’t enough to trigger her instincts, but she’d been in a state of emotional distress before, and the lingering effects of that along with our scents combining might be enough to trigger something.

I thought about getting up and moving over to the couch, but I knew that the damage was done, and that to move would probably only make things worse by sending fresh waves of scent out to her.

“I’m not hurt,” I told her, not quite able to say that I was okay. My heart was pounding, and I felt a little light-headed. Ivy was dressed in a casually elegant outfit that hugged her curves in all of the right places. She looked absolutely stunning, and in my new frame of mind I was finding it difficult to concentrate on anything but how delicious she looked. I wanted to get up and walk over to her and just press myself against her. The desire to just feel her, to take in her incense, and bask in the warmth of her body was almost overwhelming. I ached, longing just to be closer to her.

“He tricked me,” Ivy breathed out. Her tone darkened and she turned to look behind her as if she expected to find Kisten standing in the hallway behind her doubled over in laughter. “I’ll kill him,” she growled, her body tensing.

I moved drawing her attention over to me. I wasn’t actually worried about Ivy killing Kisten because of a bad joke she thought he had played on her. I was however worried about her leaving to go and find him so that she could pound on him a bit. I needed to talk to her.

“He didn’t,” I said slowly moving into a standing position. “I mean maybe he did. I don’t know what he told you, but it wasn’t a joke,” I said moving slowly towards her.

She stared at me for a moment, and then her lips parted and I knew that she was scenting me, trying to figure out what I was feeling. Her lip curled a little and I knew that she smelled Kisten on me. Showering wasn’t enough to remove his scent completely, though it usually masked it enough that she couldn’t smell him unless she was trying to. Her expression calmed a second later, and then turned confused as she breathed in again, finally picking up on the conflicting emotions and feelings of anxiety and distress coming off of me. Her eyes blackened and her face became a mask of anger and misery.

“Did he bite you?” she asked softly, the control and lightness with which the question was asked sending a shiver through me. Ivy wasn’t scary when she was yelling, it was when that unnatural calm and stillness calm over her that she was truly terrifying. It was the vampire, the predator in her coming out and I usually ended up pressed up against a wall with her teeth hovering near my neck when I heard it.

“No,” I said, my voice strong and firm, even as I shifted my legs. I didn’t want her to doubt my response, not for a moment. “I swear.”

“I don’t understand,” Ivy said finally, her perfect black eyebrows bunching together as she scowled faintly, a touch of fear also present in her voice. “What’s wrong? Why did he send me here?” she asked looking over at me with cinnamon eyes. “Why are you scared?”

“We need to talk,” I said softly, my mind spinning as I wondered how the hell to start this conversation. It wasn’t an easy discussion to begin. It wasn’t something that just naturally kind of flowed into a conversation. What was I supposed to say? ‘Knock knock?’ Who’s there? ‘Lesbian desire … for you’. Ugh, terrible. Nice belt. I think I’m in love with you and I want to put my mouth your body. I sighed. This was going to be a disaster.

Ivy’s look of confusion and curiosity slipped from her face at my words, and was replaced by a steady blank mask. “You know where I stand,” she said, her voice carefully modulated as her head turned towards the door and she prepared to leave.

“But you don’t know where I do,” I said wanting to reach out to place a hand on her arm, but knowing that I shouldn’t. She was agitated and tense at the moment, and touching her might have triggered her instincts. Trying to restrain her would have come across as an act of aggression and she would have responded in turn. I needed to be smart about this.

I didn’t need to touch her however, my words were enough to stop her short and she turned to face me again. She stared at me for a second, and then she breathed in and her eyes fluttered and a look of pain flashing across her features before a blank mask settled across her face again.

“I think I do,” she murmured, her voice crisp and clear as a winter’s day.

“Don’t act like you know what I’m thinking,” I said irritably, annoyed by her insinuation that smelling Kisten on me meant that I had rejected her offer. I mean, okay, yes, I had gone to him to try and reaffirm my heterosexuality, and to reaffirm my commitment to him, but things hadn’t really worked out that way. I had chosen him immediately after her ultimatum, but things were different now. I wasn’t trying to leave, or to push her away, I was trying to make things work and draw her closer. I just needed her to give me enough time to tell her that without her getting pissed at me and storming out before I could stop her. Goddamn vampire speed!

“I never know what you’re thinking,” Ivy muttered in an equally irritable tone of voice. “I just know what you smell like, and it smells like you made your decision,” she continued cuttingly.

“Then stop sniffing, because you don’t know what you’re talking about!” I declared crossing my arms across my chest so that I could glare at her. Stupid vampires and their stupid sense of smell, I thought narrowing my eyes at her. “Also, it’s creepy,” I added as an after thought, still glaring at her the whole time.

“I can’t help it that your senses are dull and underdeveloped,” Ivy responded meeting my glare with an increasingly blackening one of her own. “Are you trying to tell me you weren’t with him?” she continued quickly, speaking again before I could snap back at her.

“No,” I said my glare fading a little bit at the hint of anguish in her voice. “I was with him earlier. We were …”

“I don’t want to hear this,” Ivy said angling her head to the side her face contorted in pain as if I had just slapped her across the face. “I never need to hear this,” she murmured softly, her hand lifting to press against her ear as if she hoped to physically block my words from entering her brain. “I don’t need to hear this,” she repeated again. “I smell enough of your sex life, I don’t need to hear about it too!” she ranted turning to face me, the sorrow in her eyes eclipsing the anger of her words.

“What if it’s about you?” I asked flushing as the words fell from my lips.

Ivy’s expression gentled, and a look of befuddlement so precious that it would have made a wee little kitten purr covered her features. Her expression was the perfect physical embodiment of ‘duh’ and despite the awkwardness of our conversation I almost smiled.

“What?” she asked finally as she blinked at me in confusion.

I paused, suddenly realizing how incredibly mortifying the next part of this conversation was going to be. I hadn’t really planned on revealing the whole, ‘I called out your name during sex thing’ to her. I thought that maybe I would just get us talking about the kiss and then ease into an ‘I’ve been thinking’ type of conversation. But my big mouth had gone and swallowed my foot again, and now I had to explain how she connected to my sex life. Swell.

“I think we broke up,” I said suddenly, having no idea whatsoever where that came from.

“What?” Ivy asked blinking again sounding a little frustrated this time. Ivy didn’t like being confused, it was a personality trait I shared, and my cryptic responses were beginning to irritate her.

“Kisten and I,” I explained.

“What? Why?” she asked, her irritation fading into surprise. The surprise was only there for a moment before her expression darkened and I spoke quickly, knowing that she was thinking that he had done something to hurt me and that was why he had called her and told her to come to the church.

“He didn’t do anything,” I said before she could ask. And it was true. Everything that had gone wrong was my fault. If anybody deserved her anger it was me, not him. “It was actually, um,” I continued, chewing on my bottom lip for a moment, “more because of you.”

Ivy blinked at me again, and then drew back, her posture straightening.

“Because of me?” she repeated, perfect black eyebrows scrunching together as she stared at me blankly. “What did I do?”

I stared at her wide-eyed, my mouth falling open as I looked at her. She actually meant that! She was genuinely asking me what she had done to cause Kisten and me to break up! Unbelievable! She was unbelievable, and this time I wasn’t talking about her looks!

“You kissed me!” I declared jabbing a finger in her direction though I knew better than to actually poke her – I wanted to though, I wanted to really badly.

“And after I left you went and had sex with him,” she shot back at me, her voice rising as she spoke only for her words to be capped off with a soft, resigned sigh. Her eyes dropping away from me again and her shoulders hunched over slightly as she avoided my gaze.

“Yes, I did,” I said seeing her body tighten at the admission that I had run from our home straight into Kisten’s arms. “And I couldn’t stop thinking about you!” I continued, my voice rising with emotion before I forced myself to calm down. Ivy had over at me at that, but despite what I had just told her she still looked sad and guarded, and her melancholy calmed my momentary ire. “I couldn’t stop thinking about your kiss,” I went on, knowing that I needed to explain more. “I said your name.”

“What?” she breathed out blinking rapidly, her posture straightening as she gazed at me with wide brown eyes.

I stared at her as she blinked at me, and felt an urge to laugh welling up inside of me. Our conversation wasn’t remotely funny, but my mind was spinning and everything was hot and my heart was pounding, and I couldn’t take anymore intensity. I needed to let some of the tension out or I was going to go insane.

“What?” I choked out, the word coming out half chuckle and half sob. I lifted my hand up to cover my mouth and bit down on my bottom lip to stop the eruption of true laughter bubbling in my chest from escaping.

“What?” Ivy asked her eyes narrowing.

“What?” I repeated pressing my hand against my face more firmly as a smile began to tug at my lips. “What? What? What?” I asked wondering if she was capable of saying anything else. “Do you have any idea how often you’ve said that since you came in here?”

“I wouldn’t have to ask if you’d say something that made sense!” Ivy declared frustration and anger warring in her tone. When I looked up at her I could detect a faint blush colouring her cheeks. She had noticed how often she was saying it, but hadn’t been able to stop herself. When she was upset she lost much of her eloquence, and her lack of verbiage only irritated her more.

“I’m sorry,” I said, meaning it. It wasn’t fair to laugh. She was right, I wasn’t making any sense.

She crossed her arms and glared at me, not willing to forgive me until I actually said something that made sense. I stared at her for a moment, trying to decide what to do. I wasn’t sure what to say, and talking hadn’t really been working so far. In fact, talking looked like it had just crashed and burned. So, I decided to go with what I knew … action.

I took a step towards her and her posture straightened. I ignored the movement and continued to walk slowly towards her until I was standing in front of her. I reached out for her, taking her jaw in my hand, cradling it gently as I looked up at her. She jerked back slightly at the first touch of my hand, but she stilled under it a second later.

“Wha …” she began before trailing off, her eyebrows scrunching together in irritation as she realized what she was going to say. Her eyes lost focus for a moment, and I knew that she was trying to find another way to phrase her question. When she looked up at me sullenly, I knew that she had failed to find another way and I smiled.

“God, you’re cute,” I sighed stroking her cheek with my thumb. Her eyes widened and I blushed. I’d meant to think that, not say it out loud. “You are,” I told her, not willing to back down now. I hadn’t meant to say it, but it was true and I was glad my mouth was quicker than my brain. “You’re beautiful.”

“Rach…” Ivy managed to get out. There was a trace of panic in her voice, and I knew that having me so close to her was beginning to trigger her instincts. She didn’t understand why I was so close to her, and she was scared of what would happen if I didn’t put some distance between us again, but I wasn’t. Ivy could control her instincts, she only lost control of herself when I asked her to separate her hunger from her love for me, and I wasn’t going to do that. I wanted her to feel that love, to hold onto it, and to feel my love for her in return. She wouldn’t lose control. I was sure of it.

Before she could finish saying my name, I swayed towards her and tilted my head up pressing my lips against hers. This time, there were no vamp pheromones in the room, no scar tingling, and there was no threat of being bitten as I was pinned to the floor. There was only Ivy and I in our living room, my hand on her face as our lips pressed against each other. No excuses, no denials, just Ivy and I kissing.

Her lips were soft, softer than I remembered. But then again, that first time I had been surprised by the kiss, and my body had been assaulted by so many other sensations that it was impossible to concentrate on something as subtle as the gentle press of her lips. When my lips first touched her, her hands automatically went to my waist to hold me, but she remained stiff under my lips, almost frightened to return the touch. I slipped my hand from her jaw to the back of her neck, and allowed my fingers to tangle in her hair as I licked at her lips, playing softly, teasing as I silently asked her to open her mouth to me. She remained stiff for a moment longer, and then her body wilted in my arms and her lips parted.

She moaned softly as I entered her mouth, and I felt a shiver run through my body as I answered her with a moan of my own. Desire pulsed through me, Ivy’s unique incense tantalizing my senses as my scar started to tingle as her pheromones began to reach it. I could feel her body, her warmth against the length of me, and I became painfully aware of the press of her breasts, and the way her pelvis was arching into me. My hand tangled in her hair, a sign of my increasing desire, but I tried to keep the kiss slow and loving. I wanted her to know that this was about her and how I felt about her, not just about sex or blood, even though those two things did factor into it.

Ivy’s arms tightened around me and she began to meet me. Her kiss began to dominate, and I gave myself over to her, allowing her to explore my mouth as she wanted, as she had ached to for so long. The kiss in the sanctuary had mostly been her, but this was both of us, I was as much a part of it as she was and it was beautiful.

Her hand began to roam as my head began to swim. I needed air. Her fingers slipped under my shirt and I gasped into her mouth as black dots began to swim in front of my eyes. I yanked my mouth away from hers and breathed in deeply, clinging to her as I panted. When my mind began to clear a bit and I no longer felt as if I was on the verge of passing out, I pulled back to meet her black eyes. The look she was giving me was one if aching hope and almost blinding fear and my heart clenched.

I removed one of my hands from her hair, and brought it between her bodies to cover hers. She tensed against me, no doubt expecting me to pull her hand from under my shirt. She expected me to stop her from touching me as I had done in Kisten’s van in Mackinaw. But what I did was cover her hand with my own, and lift it higher until her hand was covering my breast. There wasn’t much to cover, but what was there was hers to explore and I wanted her to know it. I wasn’t afraid of her touch, or the way it made me feel anymore. Kisen was right. I wanted this. I wanted her and I wanted her to have me. I didn’t just want her, I needed her. I needed this closeness and her touch more than I had needed anyone before.

Ivy gasped as her hand enveloped my breast and the soft exhalation tore through me as pleasurably as her fangs. Ivy glanced down, looking at her hand where it covered my breast and then glanced up at me again. She looked awed, almost dazed and her expression took my breath away. Ivy wasn’t some blushing virgin. In fact I was pretty sure from random comments I’d heard that she had a reputation for being a goddess in the bedroom. But she was looking at me like mine was the first boobie she had ever touched, and I had never felt more beautiful or desired.

“I want to love you,” I breathed out meeting her eyes. My voice quivered, but I didn’t care. I was overcome with emotion and I wanted her to know it. I loved her. I was in love with her and that was okay. We loved each other, and there was no reason to be scared. There was no reason to be scared of anyone who could look at me with such aching tenderness. “I want all of you,” I whispered, breathing out softly.

“All?” she whispered staring at me, a hint of fang visible through her parted lips. There was only a thin rim of brown left in her eyes.

“All,” I confirmed, seeing her increasing hunger.

Her hand moved under my shirt, her thumb grazing my nipple through my bra and I sighed with the pleasure of it. It was a test to see how I would react to her touching me intimately, and I passed with flying colours. Ivy shuddered, and her head dipped down, nearing my neck.

“I can,” she started to say, her nose grazing the skin above where my unseen demon scar would have been. Liquid heat poured through me and I held her desperately to remain upright, “have?” she breathed out.

“Yes,” I whispered as her tongue brushed against my heated flesh. “Yes, god yes. Have,” I moaned as I felt the sharpness of her teeth against my soft, vulnerable flesh. “Take,” gasped as she nuzzled my throat, lips, tongue and teeth teasing the flesh she found there. “Yours,” I promised, drawing a growl from her that almost made me come on the spot. “Take it,” I panted. Take me.

We needed to talk. There was so much more that I needed to say to her. Fears I knew she had that I needed to sooth, fears I had that we would need to discuss together. I still didn’t know why she had left the church after promising she wouldn’t, and I had no idea where she’d been since she had fled from me earlier. I didn’t know where she stood with Skimmer, or where Ivy and I would stand with Kisten after this, but those were things we could worry about later. Right then, I needed Ivy’s hands on me and her teeth inside of me, and she needed my blood, and my love and my touch. We had both been waiting too long for this and I wasn’t going to stop what was happening between us to talk. We could talk later wrapped up in her silk sheets naked together.

“Ivy,” I breathed out, feeling her poised to bite but not.

“Is this real?” Ivy asked, her breath warming my skin and making me tremble.

“Yes,” I breathed out. “I won’t let go,” I continued not knowing exactly what I meant by it. My brain wasn’t functioning properly, and it wouldn’t be again until she had taken me with all of her.

My words seemed to reassure her however, and a moment after I spoke I felt her slide inside of me and began to suck. I sighed, and tightened my arms around her, holding her gently against me, content and peaceful in the knowledge that at that moment everything in the world was exactly as it should be.

To continued ...

Comments

[ex-stanleyt.livejournal.com]

The whole "What?" "What?" exchange made me grin... Now I need a cold shower, tho!

[fembuck.livejournal.com]

The whole "What?" "What?" exchange made me grin...

lol, I wasn't sure about that. I'm glad someone else found it amusing!