Fic: Boulevard of Broken Dreams (Terminator, Jesse/Riley)

[fembuck]

Title: Boulevard of Broken Dreams
Author: Janine
Fandom: Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles
Pairing: Riley/Jesse
Rating: R
Disclaimer: I don’t own them.
Note: Slight, very slight spoilers for 2.17 “Ourselves Alone”.

A car horn blared as I crossed the street.

I blinked as I looked up into soft brown eyes. My gaze reluctantly falling from the chocolate orbs in front of me to take in the hand stretched out towards me. It was small, and soft, and clean and I didn’t want to dirty it.

The sun was bright in my eyes as I staggered down the sidewalk, but I wasn’t sure whether it was the light or the tears in my eyes that were blurring my vision.

Slim, tapered, piano player fingers trailed gently across my cheeks. The touch was almost unbearably soft, a mere whisper of sensation that brought tears to my eyes. Warmth spread against the front of my body, and a strong, slim arm wrapped around my waist. Her breath tickled my ears as she murmured soothing, meaningless words to me, and for the first time in years my eyes closed and I wasn’t afraid.

The lobby of the hotel was cool, and I shivered as entered it. At one time the splendor of the place had shocked me into silence and brought tears of wonder to my eyes.

No more.

Jesse’s fingers ran teasing up my thigh and I squirmed beneath her and parted my legs. Her lips curved up in a smile against my skin, and she pressed a soft kiss to the column of my throat, and then another, and another, slowly moving up until her lips were pressed against mine. We kissed, and her fingers slid from my thigh to the wet, hot spot between them, and I never wanted to be without her in my life.

I’d stayed in that hotel room with her before my identity was set up and I’d been forced to move in with my foster parents.

Every part of the room carried memories for me. Some were good, very good. And others were … no good at all.

Jesse had lived in the room for months, but there were few traces of her in it. There were no little personal mementos, only surveillance pictures taken with a telephoto lens. The room was sterile, and vacant, devoid of anything sentimental, or meaningful. It was a place setting, a simulation of warmth and welcoming with no real emotion behind it.

I decided that it was the perfect reflection of the woman who had been occupying it after all.

“He’ll like you. He’ll love you. It would be impossible for him not to,” she whispered, wrapping her arms around me from behind as she rested her chin on my shoulder. “Look at you,” she continued, leaning her head against mine, black and blonde hair tangling together in a way that fascinated me, and struck me as being terribly romantic. “How could he not fall prostrate at your feet?”

“You don’t,” I murmured, blushing though a pleased smile spread across my lips anyway. Jesse was kind, and considerate and loving, but she was always in control. She doted on me, but if anyone was to fall to their knees and kiss the boots of the woman in front of her, it would be me. I didn’t mind that though, her forceful personality was comforting. I’d been on my own for a while, and it was nice to have someone looking out for me. It was nice to have some care, and try to protect me.

“Don’t I?” Jesse asked softly, her eyes meeting mine in the mirror and holding them for a few moments.

She then tucked a few strands of stray blonde hair behind my ear, and nudged me, encouraging me to turn around so that we were facing each other. Once I was turned, she held my eyes for second, her brown eyes were intense and alight, and then she leaned forward and pressed her lips against mine gently. She was so strong, but she could be so gentle as well, and the sweetness of her kiss nearly brought tears to my eyes.

“I need you,” Jesse breathed out as she pulled back from my lips. “You are everything,” she whispered. And then, with her eyes still holding mine, she lowered herself down until she was kneeling on the floor in front of me and brought her hands to top of my jeans.

My fingers flexed, and I felt the wire dig into my tender flesh to the point of pain.

I didn’t relax my hand.

I wanted the pain.

I wanted to feel that wire digging into my flesh. Physical pain I could deal with. I had spent my whole life up until six months before bruised, hungry, cold, damp, and dirty. Black and blue had been the only accessories I had known before Jesse, and their return was comforting to me.

Pain was my lover now, and I gave myself over to her cold, biting embrace as I had once collapsed into Jesse’s warm, soft arms.

“I’m scared,” I confessed, feeling extremely vulnerable as Jesse slipped into the bed beside me. She had given me so much, and she was asking for so little, and I was still afraid.

I sickened myself at that moment, and I didn’t want to see the emotion reflected on her face.

“Why? I’m here,” Jesse responded, propping her head on her hand and gazing over at me.

“But,” I began.

“I’m here, Sweetie,” Jesse repeated, her expression gravely serious as she stared at me. “I’ll take care of you.”

Everything was pain before. And everything was pain now.

“I love you so much. I don’t know what I would do without you.”

“You’ll never have to find out. As long as you live, I’ll be here.”

I felt the wire dig into my flesh, and pressed myself further into the shadows.

I didn’t know if I would win.

I didn’t know if I wanted to win.

All I knew was that one way or the other, when Jesse walked through that door, things would come to an end … and there was peace in that thought, no matter what the outcome.

The End

 

Comments

[crys-22.livejournal.com]

“I need you,” Jesse breathed out as she pulled back from my lips. “You are everything,” she whispered.

You have Jesse down here. The woman knows all the right things to say and it works for her because she truly means them in her own twisted way.

Oh that Riley, as much as I couldn't stand the girl, I can't fault her either. I would no doubt have fallen under Jesse's trap too and I don't even come from a post-apocalyptic world.

[fembuck.livejournal.com]

The woman knows all the right things to say and it works for her because she truly means them in her own twisted way.

Jesse was a smooth criminal, man. A master manipulator. She worked Riley like a charm. I'm glad the doubled edgeness of her words came through. I wanted her statements to seem romantic at first, but then kind of sinister as well knowing what we know about her plans for Riley. Goddamn, that was an evil-ass plan.

Riley, as much as I couldn't stand the girl, I can't fault her either. I would no doubt have fallen under Jesse's trap too and I don't even come from a post-apocalyptic world.

Oh, I know! I LOATHED Riley in the beginning of the season, but once her connection to Jesse was revealed I was able to tolerate her more. And then the first time we saw Jesse being all *punch* "I love you, baby" *caress* I actually started to feel bad for Riley. This episode I actually liked her quite a bit, which was how I knew she was going to die *sigh*

But yeah, I could totally see how she'd fall for Jesse's b.s. I KNOW what an evil ass bitch Jesse is, and I would probably still go out for drinks with her. Stephanie Jacobsen is just RAWR.

Riley's, "I loved you," during their fight really killed me. *sigh* These who are like the Gina/Cain of TSCC. It hurts, but I'm fascinated by them and the potential for love that went horribly wrong.

[usagiko.livejournal.com]

Oh, this is so heartbreaking. But it needed to be written. I love this pairing so much. ;__;

[fembuck.livejournal.com]

Thank you so much! I'm really glad that you enjoyed it.

heartbreaking. But it needed to be written.

They are totally tragic. But after the episode aired, actually since the episode where Riley revealed that she slit her wrists to manipulate John and was just like a little puppy basking in Jesse's pleasure with her plan, I've been fascinated by the twisted, yet compelling, relationship between this two.

Jesse is so. fucking. cold. And yet, it's totally understandable how Riley fell for her.

Jesse/Riley, the ship that hurts so good. I'm sad that we're not going to get anymore scenes with them, though I must say the few scenes we did get packed a punch and give a lot of material to work with ficcing wise ;)

[usagiko.livejournal.com]

Oh, definitely. I totally agree.

Can we be friends? :3

[zennie.livejournal.com]

Finally watched the ep. Nice analysis and story based on it.

Don’t I?” Jesse asked softly, her eyes meeting mine in the mirror and holding them for a few moments.

Perfect Jesse. She is one evil evil woman. Heh!

[fembuck.livejournal.com]

Thanks so much! I'm really glad you enjoyed it :D

Perfect Jesse. She is one evil evil woman. Heh!

Oh, I know. Jesse is so. fucking. cold. She is just an awful person, but she's so intriguing. I mean, it's like the eviler she's revealed to be, the more fascinating I find her. When she first came on, I was like "eh, whatever. I'll tolerate you because you were Kendra Shaw." But once layer after layer of horribleness was revealed, I started being more and more interested by her. Now, I'm obsessed, lol. I know she's going to be getting hers soon, but in a way I'll miss her when she's gone (assuming I'm not missing the whole show because FOX is run by asshats and have canceled it).

[inspectorboxer.livejournal.com]

I really liked this. You got in Riley's head and made us feel her torment about the situation. What a sad pairing these two made, but an oddly compelling one as well...

[fembuck.livejournal.com]

Thanks so much! I'm really glad that you enjoyed it :D

What a sad pairing these two made, but an oddly compelling one as well...

This. I'm kind of fascinated by these two right now. It's my new ship of pain, where the outcome is so horrible and yet I'm utterly fascinated by them. They kind of remind me of Gina and Cain on BSG. Where there was like this awesome potential, but everything just went horribly, horribly wrong.

In any case, the last episode really made me feel for Riley. Because, I totally would have fallen for Jesse's act too, and it was SO clear how much Riley loved Jesse, and how Jesse just didn't give a shit (I think I saw maybe a small thread of remorse, but like one that was spiderweb thin).

[brighteyedcat.livejournal.com]

ack! this was seriously fantastic. the characterization was spot on and your descriptions of their deeper emotions (or lack thereof for jesse) was so palpable. i'm so glad you wrote this too. that episode was fucking great and deserved a fic. i actually have always liked riley (though probably because i already liked the actress from having been a fan of hers on all my children) but i was seriously heartbroken when jesse killed her. i was totally rooting for cameron to snap her neck but jesse?! OUCH, that hurt my soul a little. LOL! (i hope cameron goes after her, though it's not looking very likely given the previews, haha)

p.s. mind if i add you? you don't have to necessarily add me back if you don't want to, but i really love your writing so i'd like to stay in the loop. :)

[fujii-itsuki.livejournal.com]

Awesome! Been waiting for someone to write something about these 2. This pairing is just so tragic and wrong that it's good. Heh. Thanks for writing~ *Goes back to reading White Witch Black Curse* ;)

[dariclone.livejournal.com]

That was an *awesome* fic. Great examanation of Riley and Jessie's re;ationship. Poor damaged Riley.