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fembuck
Title: That’s What She Said
Author: Janine
Fandom: The Hollows
Character: Rachel, Ivy, Jenks, Rachel/Ivy
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: I don’t own them.
Summary: Ivy and Jenks try to teach Rachel how to use “That’s what she said” properly.
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I sighed deeply, making sure that my displeasure was known.
“I just want to know, okay?” I muttered peevishly.
“But why?” Ivy asked, accentuating the word ‘why’ in a way that made Jenks smirk and flutter sparkly dust all over the table.
When looked over at her the expression on her face was neutral on the cusp of bored, but her lovely cinnamon eyes were dancing happily and I knew she was enjoying playing with me.
“Why can’t you just answer the question?” I inquired crossly.
“I could ask you the same question,” Ivy murmured. “In fact I will.” She smiled. “Why can’t you just answer the question?”
Jenks snickered beside her and the two of them exchanged another delightfully entertained look before their eyes landed on me again.
I sighed deeply.
“Al keeps saying it when I’m in the Ever-After,” I began morosely. “I’ll say something completely normal and he’ll smile and say ‘that’s what she said’ before laughing hysterically at me. I don’t get it.”
Ivy bit down on her bottom lip when I finished speaking and I knew she was trying to stop herself from laughing.
“Give me an example,” she said a moment later, her voice strained with the effort of containing her laughter.
I released a huffy breath and crossed my arms over my chest.
“Fine,” I breathed out. “The last time I was there we were mixing a spell and Al needed another cauldron so he asked me to pass it to him. The thing was the only clean one that was left was a really old one that was heavy and awkward, so I said ‘But Al, it’s so big. I don’t think I can handle it,’ and he said …”
I stopped talking as I noticed Ivy’s body begin to shake and her eyes begin to water. She was chewing on the inside of her cheek, and her face flushed slightly red with the effort of clamping down on the laughter bubbling up inside of her. Eventually she covered her mouth with her hand, but even with the reinforcement a small snort of laughter escaped from her lips.
“Let me guess,” she choked out, every word a struggle for her as her body continued to vibrate. “He said, ‘That’s what she said’?”
“Yes!” I exclaimed. “I know what I said! I’m the one who said it, right? So of course I know what I said, and frankly I don’t see what was so funny about it. It was just too big for me and I couldn’t handle it. Why would that be …?”
Ivy rested her arm on the table and then dropped her head down onto it, hiding her face as she was overcome with laughter. I sighed deeply and leaned back in my chair before turning my head to the side to see if Jenks was similarly amused. He was. He was so amused in fact that he was doubled over holding his gut like he was in pain from laughing so hard.
“You know what,” I declared pushing my chair back and standing up. “Screw you. You blow.”
Ivy looked up at that, her cheeks still flushed red from laughing, and blinked once.
“Well, I blow. I can’t speak for Jenks,” she responded in a voice that was remarkably clear considering the fact that her lips were twitching every other second as she tried to stop herself from grinning.
“Ooh,” Jenks sassed. “That’s what she said,” he declared and then he and Ivy looked at each other again and cracked up.
I glared at them for a moment, not that they really noticed in the midst of their laughing fit, and then I began to storm out of the kitchen. Before I got more than a few steps away from the table, I felt Ivy’s hand come to rest gently on my shoulder and I stopped walking.
“Don’t go,” Ivy said contritely. “We’ll be good. We want to help. Right, Jenks?” she continued turning to look at him with a pointed expression on her face.
“Of course,” Jenks responded immediately, his voice and countenance the picture of innocence. “We’re here to help,” he continued earnestly and I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that he just wanted me to sit down again so that he could mock me some more.
I sighed deeply, resigned to my fate and headed back to the table.
“Okay, I’m here,” I said flinging myself back into the chair I had been seated in before. “Let’s get this over with.”
Jenks had stood up chivalrously as I approached the table and when I moved to sit down he had bowed gallantly and then assumed his Peter Pan pose.
Jenks cleared his throat and then began to speak in a gentlemanly protective way. “Be gentle Ivy, she’s still sore from the last time.”
Ivy froze for a moment after he spoke, and then she started to blink rapidly. Her body vibrated slightly and I knew that she was once again trying to clamp down on the urge to break out laughing.
“Don’t worry,” the vampire managed to get out a few seconds later, “I was planning on warming her up first, then slowly easing her in.”
Ivy and Jenks smirked at each other after that and I knew that this was going to be an absolutely precious conversation.
“Listen,” I said drawing their attention back over to me. “Forget warming me up. I haven’t got all night, just give it to me now,” I said staring at Ivy.
“That’s what she said,” Jenks cackled madly, but Ivy was looking at me keenly instead of laughing this time.
“What?” I asked irritably.
“Are you sure you need a tutorial on this?” she asked suspiciously. “For someone that claims not to understand how the joke works you’re pretty good at it.”
“I must be a natural talent,” I replied dryly, narrowing my eyes peevishly at her. “Now, are you going to do it like you promised or am I leaving here unsatisfied?”
Ivy’s dark eyes held mine for a long moment and then her lips curved up in a sensuous smile.
“Oh, don’t worry. I’ll take care of you, Rachel. I never leave a woman unsatisfied.”
Her voice was like grey silk and it took all of my willpower not to audibly gulp.
Jenks whistled softly and then looked over at me shaking his tiny little head, an expression that was almost pitying on his handsome features.
“Rache, you have no idea what you’re unleashed,” he breathed out.
He sounded positively gleeful about it.
“Don’t worry Jenks,” I said smiling ingenuously, “we’re all friends here. Even if things get heated it’s not like Ivy’s going to take me to the ground and have at me.”
Jenks blinked at me and then turned his head to look at Ivy, his eyes widening with merriment. However when he opened his mouth to respond Ivy gave her head a little shake and he settled down.
“The rules?” I asked dragging their eyes back over to me.
Ivy straightened up in her seat and cleared her throat.
“The first thing one needs to consider when deciding if ‘that’s what she said’ is an appropriate response to what someone said is whether or not the comment could be interpreted as sexual,” Ivy related in an adorably scholarly tone.
“Okay,” I said drawing the word out slowly. “So, if we were putting away the groceries and I said, ‘Oh no, I think it’s too big to fit’ about, let’s say a jar of peanut butter, you would say, ‘That’s what she said!’”
Ivy’s lips twitched up in amusement but almost as soon as I registered it the smile was gone. With her usual deadpan expression she nodded her agreement.
“Okay, tell me more,” I said rubbing my hands together eagerly. “What else should I know?”
“You should avoid using ‘That’s what she said’ if the person who spoke was actually talking about a sexual experience,” Ivy continued in the same charmingly earnest voice she’d used before.
“Yeah, that’s not funny, it’s just weird and makes you seem like a molester,” Jenks piped up before glancing over at Ivy for confirmation.
Ivy smiled a little at his phrasing but inclined her head in agreement.
“Time frame is also important,” Ivy stated when my eyes landed on her again. “You have to be prompt with ‘That’s what she said’. If you wait too long to respond not only is it not funny but it makes you look stupid. If you realize the comment sounds dirty within, say five seconds, you’re golden. Knock it out of the ball park. If it takes you longer than that just give up on that one and pay closer attention so that you can go for it the next time.”
“Wow,” I exhaled breathily. “That’s a lot to take in at one time.”
“That’s what she said,” Jenks replied shooting a finger gun at me.
“I’m just so new at this. I think it’s going to take a while before it feels natural, but with a little work I’m sure I’ll figure out how to do it just right,” I murmured thoughtfully.
“That’s what she said!” Jenks cackled.
“Ivy,” I said turning to face the vampire. “I know you’ve had a lot of practice. I hope you’ll stay on top of me and continue to show me how to do it.”
Ivy rubbed her bottom lip slowly with the index finger of her right hand as she held my eyes unwaveringly.
“That’s …” Jenks began.
“Don’t,” Ivy murmured to him though her eyes stayed on me.
“…what she said,” Jenks continued either not hearing Ivy or ignoring her. Knowing him it was probably the latter though.
“Don’t worry, Ivy. It’s not Jenks’ fault he can’t hold out. Sometimes it’s just hard for men to wait for the right moment and they let it go prematurely.”
“Don’t,” Ivy murmured again but Jenks was already speaking.
“That’s what she sa … hey!” Jenks exclaimed. He looked at me and his eyes narrowed in the same suspicious way that Ivy’s had minutes before and I knew that he had finally caught up. “What the …?!?!” he began taking off into the air, showering Ivy and in angry red pixie dust.
“She played us, Jenks,” Ivy drawled tilting her head up to watch him as he zoomed around.
Ivy had been onto me for quite some time, but I didn’t mind that. She wasn’t my target after all, and her comments had been much more fun once she was in on it.
“Is there something wrong with that?” I asked in too-innocent tone, obviously teasing now. “I thought you liked it when I played with you, Ivy? We always have so much fun.”
Ivy smiled slowly, her lips curving up enough this time that I could see the sharp points of her fangs and when her eyes met mine there was barely any brown left in them.
“That’s because I’m a true fan of the game,” she purred. “I give it all I’ve got, I never slow down, and I play to win.”
I licked my lips as I held Ivy’s eyes and finally allowed a sumptuous smile to touch my lips.
“Oh, I know,” I murmured. “Sometimes it’s all I can do to keep up with you. I always end up exhausted and absolutely drenched when you’re done with me.”
Multi-coloured pixie dust began to rain down on us, and when I looked up I saw that Jenks had his hands clamped over his ears and was shaking his head from side to side like a kindergartener who’d just had his “Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs”
“Ugh, I can’t take anymore!” Jenks declared ripping his hands away from his ears and taking off higher up into the air. “It’s just too much.”
I turned my head to the side and met Ivy’s eyes. She smirked at me and I smirked back and then we both turned to Jenks.
“That’s what she said,” we declared simultaneously.
Jenks adopted his Peter Pan pose again, and stared at Ivy and I huffily like a father who had just walked in on his daughter making out on the couch in her bra with a long-haired, tattooed youth with sin in his eyes.
“Goodnight,” he pronounced narrowing his eyes at us for good measure, and then he took off towards the door and his stump.
Once he was gone, Ivy pushed her chair out from behind the table and then inched it towards mine until she was able to reach out and wrap her hands around my waist. When she was certain she had a firm hold on me, she then flexed her muscles slightly and picked me up off of the chair and deposited me in her lap.
I smiled happily and lifted my hands to her face, cupping it tenderly before I lowered my lips to hers.
“Mischievous little monkey,” Ivy murmured when I pulled back from her lips. “What provoked that devious assault?”
“I might not have pixie ears, or even vampire ears, but I do have ears,” I said looking down at Ivy. “I heard you and Jenks in here earlier and how he was going on about slow on the uptake I can be. When I walked into the room and you were making ‘that’s what she said’ jokes, I figured I’d show Jenks that everyone is a little slow sometimes.”
Ivy laughed softly and leaned forward, placing a feathery light kiss on my neck.
“Were you trying to punish me too?” she asked, kissing the pale skin again before nuzzling her face into me.
“No,” I breathed out tilting my head back to give her better access. “I knew you’d figure it out. You’re aggravatingly astute,” I murmured as I sank my fingers into her dark hair and began to rub her scalp as her kisses became more focused and heated.
Ivy breathed in deeply and moaned softly.
“My keen intellect is picking up on something now,” Ivy drawled pulling back from my skin so that she could see my face.
Her eyes were hooded in a way that made her look almost sleepy, but I knew the fire that lay behind that heavy-eyed expression and when her nostrils flared a second later I knew exactly what her ‘keen intellect’ was telling her about me.
“Don’t be a tease, Ivy. You know how I hate it when you keep me waiting,” I breathed out playfully.
Ivy purred in full at that.
“Don’t worry, I know exactly what you want,” Ivy rasped as she gazed up at me with jet black eyes. “I promise I’ll give it to you, just the way you like.”
A split second later I found myself in her cradled easily in her arms as she walked brusquely towards the hallway that led to our bedrooms.
“That’s what she said,” I murmured happily eagerly anticipating the moment I couldn’t say it anymore because her comments were no longer innuendo.
The End
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no subject
Date: 2010-03-11 02:21 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-03-12 08:07 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-03-11 02:31 am (UTC)Im joking of course, I dont expect you to write a mushy banana fic lol
This was cute. Gotta love how they tag team Jenks.
... I can see the innuendo in that and got a really nasty image of them going threesome with him in his pixie form *shudder*
no subject
Date: 2010-03-12 08:12 pm (UTC)lol, yeah it's the type of random shit that my brain likes. Also, I've been using that phrase WAY too much lately.
Gotta love how they tag team Jenks.
That's what she said!
Seriously though, I enjoyed having the Ivy/Jenks tag team and then having the Ivy/Rachel team at the end. Writing them all just hanging out and having fun was nice.
and got a really nasty image of them going threesome with him in his pixie form *shudder*
no subject
Date: 2010-03-11 02:34 am (UTC)I loved the twist. At first I actually believed Rachel didn't get it because I didn't understand the phrase the first time it was said to me! And then when Rachel still didn't get it I was like "hmmm... this sounds a little forced" (sorry!). BUT THEN you revealed that Rachel was faking and I was like "Wow she's (you) awesome!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
You never disappoint! I don't even wanna try writing a fic cause it would pale in comparison to yours!
no subject
Date: 2010-03-12 08:17 pm (UTC)lol, I actually wasn't planning on having Rachel in on the joke at first, but then it started sounding really forced to me after like two 'that's what she said' comments (and I had so many more I wanted to use) so I was like, I'mma have Rachel be fucking with them and went back to vague up the beginning a little so it would work!
I don't even wanna try writing a fic cause it would pale in comparison to yours!
OMG, do it! Write. The world needs more Ravy.
:grin:
Date: 2010-03-11 02:41 am (UTC)You rock.
Re: :grin:
Date: 2010-03-12 08:18 pm (UTC)I was wondering "WHAT'S GOING ON HERE!" when I was writing it as well, so I'm glad it didn't turn out a mess ;)
no subject
Date: 2010-03-11 02:41 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-03-12 08:18 pm (UTC)I'm sorry about the lack of sexing, hopefully I'll be posting some Ravy with sexing soon.
no subject
Date: 2010-03-11 03:14 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-03-11 03:49 am (UTC)Btw... :)
Date: 2010-03-12 01:40 am (UTC)Re: Btw... :)
Date: 2010-03-12 08:19 pm (UTC)*sigh* The 90s, oh the 90s.
no subject
Date: 2010-03-12 08:22 pm (UTC)*blush*
and I thought she was honestly clueless ('cuz I know I was lol) Yes! Thanks to you I now know what >>That's what she said<<
The reason I had this phrase on my mind is because we've been using it a lot at the office as we try to explain how to use it properly to a lady we work with. So, I'm glad this helped you out because my co-worker is still largely clueless, lol.
And on a random note, just reading a fic with Rachel/Ivy being so...playful...man it felt good to read this lol
Dude, it felt so nice to write it as well. Just having the three of them sitting around hanging out and joking before some Ravy nookie ... it was good for the soul.
I downloaded BMS and still haven't read it. I have to mentally prepare myself lol
Where did you get it? I'm not buying it cause I know I'm gonna hate most of it, but there's like 5 pages or so that I actually want to read.
HAHAHAH
Date: 2010-03-11 06:49 am (UTC)Re: HAHAHAH
Date: 2010-03-12 08:23 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-03-11 04:24 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-03-12 08:23 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-03-11 05:52 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-03-12 08:24 pm (UTC)Thanks for responding, I'm really glad you enjoyed it :D
no subject
Date: 2010-03-11 09:56 pm (UTC)Also, I adored the way Rachel used the term "that's what she said," specifically in the way Ivy'd told her not to - when it's already meant to be sexual - even when she's aware of it. It gives the reader a preeeetty good idea what'll occur once the metaphorical curtains close. *giggle*
no subject
Date: 2010-03-12 08:26 pm (UTC)lol, insanity comes in handy sometimes.
I loved how Jenks and Ivy began by teaming up against Rachel, and in the end, Ivy was with Rachel in teasing Jenks. Lucky vampire never gets picked on...but she definitely doesn't deserve any sort or type of cruel treatement.
It was really fun writing the Ivy/Jenks tag team at the beginning. I don't write them interacting much so it was new and fun. And Ivy's a smart girl, she always sides with the winning team :D
I adored the way Rachel used the term "that's what she said," specifically in the way Ivy'd told her not to - when it's already meant to be sexual - even when she's aware of it.
lol, Rachel's dumb like me. She just couldn't pass up the opportunity to get one last "That's what she said" in there, even though it stretched the rules the bit
no subject
Date: 2010-03-12 05:19 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-03-12 08:29 pm (UTC)Honestly, the first five books are fantastic. They are teases and frustrating, but in a good way that makes you want more and more and more. The last three books (or more specially the last two) are teases and frustrating but in a way that makes you want to hit something and then take a nap.
Still, the first five books are really good. *sigh* This series tears me apart. I want people to read it, but then I feel guilty cause I know how wrong it all goes.
no subject
Date: 2010-03-12 05:30 am (UTC)The twist that was put at the end was hilarious. In the beginning I had no idea. Then towards the end I thought "Wait a minute, her extremely lewd comments sound a little to innocent."
Your work is amazing.
no subject
Date: 2010-03-12 08:31 pm (UTC)lol! I know. I've been saying it way too much lately, and was actually trying to explain how to use it to a co-worker which is why I started trying to think of rules!
In the beginning I had no idea. Then towards the end I thought "Wait a minute, her extremely lewd comments sound a little to innocent."
I wasn't going to have Rachel playing them at first, but there were so many innocently lewd comments I wanted to have her make that I HAD to make her in on it to make it make sense. I kind of like her being sneaky though. It's a show of that feisty attitude Ivy loves so much.
Thanks so much for commenting, I'm really glad you enjoyed it :D
no subject
Date: 2010-03-13 07:24 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-03-15 10:02 pm (UTC)Btw, you loved Agora, right? Then check this out. I think you'll find it interesting ;)
no subject
Date: 2010-03-17 11:12 pm (UTC)I just read your Blackcest on fanfic; they were incredibly twisted and hott. You really got the psychological give and take between the sisters. Most excellent! I don't have account there so I wanted to be sure to give you a shout out for them.