Fic: Underneath It All (15-16/?)
Jun. 13th, 2006 06:22 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
fembuckTitle: Underneath It All
Pairing: Jean Grey/Emma Frost
Rating: R
Disclaimer: Don’t own them, though I do covet them.
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Part 15
Jean blinked against the morning light shining into her eyes and groaned rolling over - right into a warm body – in an attempt to block it out. Emma, she thought smiling and wrapping her arms around the blonde nuzzling against her for a moment, enjoying her scent and the warmth of her body before opening her eyes.
“Good morning, Tiger,” Emma replied smiling down at her as Jean blinked at her sleepily, Emma fuzzy but radiant to her still sleep blurred eyes. “You’re precious in the morning,” Emma continued reaching out to brush some stray strands of hair out of Jean’s face.
“Mmm,” Jean moaned unintelligibly before burying her face in Emma’s neck once more, kissing the warm skin she found there causing Emma to twitch slightly. “Hmm,” Jean mumbled sounding much more awake. She kissed the spot again, and once again Emma twitched.
“Do stop that, dear,” Emma complained reaching out to place her hand on Jean’s shoulder, stopping her from leaning in again.
“So you are ticklish,” Jean noted with a somewhat devious smile on her face.
“Not much,” Emma replied, “though I do have my weak spots. However since you’ve only found one, and I’ve found quite a few more on you,” she continued punctuating her statement by giving Jean a little tickle. “I think you might want to hold off on any declarations of war.”
Jean had to admit she had a point. She’d find a way to exploit that weak spot one day however.
Jean pulled back from Emma slightly and propped herself up on her elbow so that she was looking down at the still reclining blonde. She wasn’t sure if it had been sleepy motions, or her early morning hugging, but the sheet had fallen down revealing Emma’s breasts and much of her flat stomach. Jean was sure that meant she was just as visible but her own nudity didn’t interest her nearly as much as Emma’s did.
“You’re so beautiful,” Jean said softly, reaching out with her free hand. She began by resting her finger on Emma’s lip, smiling as the blonde playfully nipped at it before running her finger across her jaw, and then her neck, moving it further down in between the valley of her breasts and down her torso before dipping it in her belly button and pulling away.
She leaned over and kissed Emma softly suddenly needing to feel her.
“Jean.”
Emma’s voice was surprisingly serious when she pulled back, and Jean turned her full attention towards the blonde. She knew that they would need to have a talk about what had happened, but it surprised her somewhat that Emma was initiating it and so soon.
Emma sighed averting her eyes to stare out into the room once Jean focused on her. “You’ve seen more of me than any other living soul.” The words were sighed softly but there was a weighty gravitas to them that Jean didn’t miss.
Jean reached out and stroked Emma’s cheek. She understood the subtext of Emma’s simple comment. What Emma had really said was ‘I trust you. Don’t hurt me.’
Jean nodded and then lowered her head resting it on Emma’s shoulder. She needed a moment to compose herself. She knew that no matter what she decided to do she was going to hurt somebody that she loved and the knowledge of that weighed on her heavily. She had made a promise to herself months ago that she was going to show Emma that there was such a thing as trust and that she could trust her. She had sworn that she wouldn’t be one more person in Emma’s life to give up on her, that she wouldn’t abandon her or leave her like so many people had in the past. She had promised herself that she was going to show Emma that people wouldn’t always let her down. And she had. Emma Frost had opened up to her the night before more than any other person in her life had, more than her own husband had. She had wondered when she first set out to befriend the blonde if it would ever be possible to really get the woman to trust her and now she had her answer. Yes, resoundingly yes, she could and she did.
The question before her now was what she was going to do about that. Because as much as she had made promises to Emma she had also taken vows with Scott. Vows she had broken so completely and satisfyingly with Emma the night before, and had been breaking bit by bit with the blonde for weeks before.
Jean propped herself up once more and looked down at Emma.
“I love you,” she said softly, blinking as she studied the blonde’s features. “I do, God forgive me, I love you,” she continued feeling tears begin to form in her eyes. She turned her head away from Emma trying to get some control over herself before continuing. “Do you love me too, Emma? Be honest with me, do you love me, too?” Her voice sounded strained and she had to force herself to look over at Emma’s. So much, so much depended on the question she had just asked but already knew the answer to.
“You know that I do,” Emma replied staring up at the ceiling. “I certainly never planned on it, but here we both are,” she continued still unable to meet Jean’s eyes. “I do love you, Jean. I want to be with you. And I know you know how difficult it is for me to say this,” she went on still staring straight up. “But I’m doing it because it’s you … because you asked.”
Jean blinked. She did know that it was difficult for Emma to say it out loud. The blonde didn’t talk about her emotions. It was one of the first things she had noticed about the former White Queen because it reminded her of Scott. But even though it didn’t come to her naturally Emma was trying. Emma, who hated revealing any vulnerability and would vehemently deny having a heart to anyone who accused her of it, was talking about her feelings, was making herself vulnerable; was trying, for her. She was doing it because Jean had asked her to and she loved her. Scott had never put himself out for her, he had never caused himself discomfort by trying to give her what she needed emotionally, and when a true test came, when they needed to share with each other and open up to each other more than ever in their entire lives together, he shut her out and left. She had asked him, she had begged him and he had turned a deaf ear.
But Emma, Emma replied and the knowledge made her heart contract and her eyes sting.
Jean leaned down brining her lips against Emma’s kissing her intensely, desperately, the kiss messy and imprecise as she tried to take as much of the blonde as possible into her.
“You have me,” Jean whispered shakily in between kisses her body shivering slightly as she realized the truth of the words. “You have me,” she repeated softly somewhat awed. It shouldn’t have happened, she never meant for it to happen, but it had and she couldn’t fight it anymore. She didn’t want to. She was happy, Emma made her feel happy, and full and she wasn’t going to give that up despite the less than ideal timing.
Emma’s hand shook minutely as she grasped Jean’s face between her hands halting her kisses momentarily. “If you say that, you’re stuck with me,” Emma said softly but seriously, her eyes burning into Jean’s. Her breath was shallow and rapid and she recognized it as a fear response. “I’m very stubborn. Exceedingly …” she continued realizing that she was terrified even as she continued to speak.
“Abrasively stubborn,” Jean interjected smiling as she flashed back to their conversation weeks ago in the antique shop. She turned her head to the side briefly catching sight of the painting Emma had bought for her during that conversation. It seemed so long ago. “I know,” Jean continued turning back to Emma smiling softly. Now that her own emotions had calmed somewhat she could feel the anxiety emanating from Emma, and reached out tenderly, stroking her cheek. “I know. And I think I’ll keep you.”
Emma stared at her for a moment her eyes fluttering shut as she took a deep breath while Jean continued her tender caress, and then her bright blue eyes opened and she leaned up capturing Jean’s lips forcefully with her own. “I’m going to have my way with you,” Emma husked suddenly needing more contact right that moment.
Jean lay back. She had absolutely no problem with that course of action.
****************************************
Part 16
Jean contemplated the flowers that surrounded her, looking at them with a critical eye. There weren’t any that were white, which put her straight back to the drawing board trying to figure out what other kind of flower Emma might like. She smiled to herself as she walked through Ororo’s garden, shaking her head. She couldn’t quite believe that she was looking for flowers for Emma Frost.
“You seem to be in a much better humor.”
Jean turned at the sound of a familiar voice, smiling as she met Ororo’s blue eyes. She was actually glad Ororo had dropped by since if she was actually able to decide on any flowers she’d need the woman’s permission to take them.
“I am,” Jean responded stopping to allow the dark skinned woman to catch up to her.
“You’ve come to a decision then?” Ororo asked as Jean began to walk once more. It was rare to actually find the redhead walking the garden and she wondered if it had anything to do with the reason why her friend was smiling for the first time in days.
“I have,” Jean replied. “It wasn’t easy,” she went on, stopping her browsing for a moment to turn to face Ororo. “It’s not really easy now. But there is a certain amount of relief in having made a decision at least.”
“You’ve chosen Emma,” Ororo said, not quite able to keep the surprise out of her voice. She realized that Jean’s feelings for the woman were deeper than most of them imagined, and with Scott’s absence and the strong attraction to the blonde that Jean had admitted to she suspected that Jean would have given into her attraction for the blonde at some point. But she didn’t really think that Jean would have seriously considered leaving Scott for her. After all, with what he had done a dalliance with someone in his absence could be forgiven, but to choose to be with Emma permanently. No, she hadn’t expected that.
“Yes,” Jean said hearing the surprise in Ororo’s voice. “A surprise I know,” she continued shaking her head. “To me as well,” she admitted.
“Are you sure she’s … what you want?” Ororo asked looking down at the flowers beside the path they were walking.
Jean laughed a little and Ororo looked up to see the redhead looking at her keenly.
“You want to know if we’ve slept together don’t you?” Jean asked knowingly, catching a little more of an emphasis on the word ‘she’ than the others in Ororo’s question. She supposed it was a valid question, she had been with Scott for so long that she was sure she had taken on a somewhat asexual personae to those that knew her best, and she had never had any public relationships with women when she was younger, though that was hardly surprising. There had been girls back then, but she never would’ve told anyone about it, and as she had gotten older her bisexuality had become somewhat of a moot point.
“It would be a good idea to be sure before making such a decision,” Ororo admitted without having to actually admit that that had been what she was asking.
“We have,” Jean said looking over at Ororo, a large smile spreading across her face before she looked away realizing what such a happy expression related. “It was fine.”
Ororo laughed at that. “Fine?” She questioned. Jean’s expression indicated that it had been more than fine.
“It was special,” Jean said in a more serious tone, her eyes traveling about the garden. “It wasn’t really like anything I’ve felt before, and not because she’s a she,” she added knowing that Ororo would probably ask. “She was so open about everything. What she felt, what she wanted, and demanded that I be open too. And, she let me in her head Ro, I could feel what she felt, with our shields down there was such a merging between our consciousness’s … I’ve never felt that close to anyone,” she went on finally looking over at Ororo and seeing her questioning look. She shook her head. “Not even Scott. He never trusted me … or maybe he never trusted himself enough to let me in like that.”
Ororo nodded surprised by that. She knew that there had been issues between them with Scott not wanting Jean in his head after the possession, but she hadn’t realized his issues with that had been long standing. Obviously the possession by Apocalypse had exacerbated his concerns, but apparently there had been some long before that.
“And she feels the same way about you, as you do about her?” Ororo asked deciding to leave the sex issue alone.
Jean nodded. “We talked,” she said out loud. “And, like I said we were inside of each other. It was more like a confirmation of feeling than anything else.”
“And you’re happy with her?” Ororo asked, still trying to wrap her mind around the idea that anybody could actually enjoy being around Emma Frost. Certainly she recognized the woman’s aesthetic qualities, she was quite lovely to look at, but she knew that for Jean to be changing her whole life around it had to be more than that, and it boggled her mind. She shook her head, she was going to have to try to hold an actual conversation with the blonde sometime.
“I am,” Jean responded hearing Ororo’s somewhat bewildered tone and understanding it. Ororo had been right weeks ago when she’d said that Emma was different around her. She knew that she saw a side of the blonde that few, if any, had seen before. She still maintained that if they were a bit less hostile to Emma they could begin to see some of that too, though obviously it would never be to the extent that she saw. “Much happier than I’ve been in a long time,” Jean continued sounding surprised herself. She hadn’t really realized that she’d been longing for something she hadn’t had until she had found it.
“Then you have my congratulations,” Ororo told her placing her hand on her shoulder. “And support. I’ll admit that I’m quite surprised by the turn things have taken,” Ororo continued. “But I know you and that this isn’t a decision that was come to lightly, or without much soul searching. If you truly weren’t happy before, then this is the only decision there can be.”
Jean placed her hand over top of Ororo’s and squeezed feeling her eyes sting a little with tears.
“Thank you,” she said her voice soft with emotion. “This is not going to be easy, I know that,” she said sighing. “The others, and … and when Scott gets back,” she went on looking up at the sky. “You’re my best friend,” Jean continued looking back over at Ororo, meeting her eyes. “I don’t know what I would’ve done if … I think, I’m going to need that support in coming days, my friend,” Jean finished with a shake of her head.
“Then you shall have it,” Ororo said before turning to look out at the garden again. “Were you looking for anything in particular out here?”
Jean breathed in deeply and exhaled glad for the chance in topic.
“Something white,” Jean replied smiling a little and then grinning when Ororo feigned shock. “That was really my only criteria. Emma’s quite predictable that way. But it seems as if I’m out of luck.”
“I think I might have something for you,” Ororo revealed, her voice heavy with importance.
“The private stock?” Jean asked sounding awed before grinning.
Ororo nodded before turning them in another direction. “I don’t give these ones out lightly,” Ororo commented as they headed towards her very private garden. “You better have great sex after this.”
Jean laughed. “Well, I was planning on that anyway.”
---
Two days later…
Jean sighed and closed her eyes as Emma began to read. They were in the blonde’s room on her rather spacious bed with Emma leaning against the back board while Jean lay in between her legs resting against the blonde. It was a very cozy position for Jean, and left Emma feeling in charge, which Jean was more than happy to do since she had suckered her girlfriend into doing something she was certain Emma would rather not have been doing.
“//I've never been one to believe in coincidence. That type of thinking has never worked for me. Maybe it goes hand in hand with my Type-A-must-always-be-in-control personality//,” Emma read from the book in her hand pausing as she finished the last sentence to tilt her head in Jean’s direction. “Is there a reason in particular you picked this book, dear?” she asked lifting a questioning eyebrow. She hadn’t really had any significant relationships in the past but she was certain that it was far too early in theirs for passive aggressive criticism.
Jean laughed as she glanced at the Harlequin novel in Emma’s hand. “A Dog Named Nate” by Inglath Cooper. She hadn’t actually picked the book for any particular reason. She hadn’t actually picked the book at all. She had found it in the living room earlier and had brought it to Emma’s room with her because she’d been planning on finding its owner the next day. She suspected it was Kitty, but she couldn’t be certain. When she’d decided that she wanted Emma to read something to her, all the blonde had on hand was business reports which Jean wasn’t interested in hearing about, even though the point of having Emma read to her had mostly been to listen to the blonde’s voice. She’d grabbed the Cooper book when Emma had pointed that out to her, saying that it shouldn’t matter if she read the book then.
“Happy coincidence,” Jean replied tilting her head to the side pressing a kiss to Emma’s cheek. “And I happen to like your Type-A-must always be in control personality,” she purred a moment later her eyes fluttering closed as she remembered how much as had enjoyed Emma’s controlling personality the night before. The times they had made love previous to that, which were rather numerous considering the amount of time they had been together, had been fairly evenly distributed between them being on top, but the night before Emma had evaded her attempts to dominate their love-making before finally holding down her hips and telling her in no uncertain terms while staring into her eyes that she was going to be the only one on top that night. She had thought of protesting, but as Emma demonstrated exactly what it was she planned on doing with her, her thoughts of protest turned into pleas for pleasure.
Emma smiled as Jean’s thoughts drifted into her mind. The redhead wasn’t exactly broadcasting her thoughts to her but she wasn’t trying to keep what she was thinking to herself either and since the mental contact between them had been almost constant after the first night they made love Emma had no trouble reading her lovers thoughts.
Biting down on her lip lightly as Jean shifted against her, Emma’s free hand began to move from where it had been resting on Jean’s stomach, slipping underneath the material of the redhead’s grey tank top and sliding along warm smooth skin to cup Jean’s bra-clad breast. She felt Jean inhale deeply and took a moment to enjoy the warmth and weight of the redhead’s breast in her hand before squeezing the soft mound of flesh.
Jean moaned softly and turned her head to kiss Emma’s neck again, this time opening her mouth to lick at the soft, warm skin beneath her lips. After few moments of that Jean then trailed her fingers up her own stomach until her hand was resting over Emma’s allowing her to still the blonde’s hand.
“Later,” Jean whispered gently, noting that her voice was lower than it had been moments ago. Despite the fact that she stopped Emma she had been anything but immune to the blonde’s arousing touch, but she still wanted to hear Emma read to her. They had spent more time with each other during the previous two days than they had in the week that preceded it, and as wonderful as the time had been it had also been overwhelming and confused and terrifying and enveloping, and as much as her body craved Emma’s touch she also needed some to just be with the blonde, some time to calm down and breath and just take pleasure in Emma’s presence.
Emma allowed her hand to slip from under Jean’s shirt. The redhead was purposefully broadcasting to her then and she understood what Jean was feeling. She turned her head to the side and kissed Jean’s temple before tensing for a moment. Emma closed her eyes and breathed in deeply one time before noiselessly exhaling and projecting her feelings to Jean. She was still adjusting to sharing herself in such an intimate way with another person and sometimes had to force herself to tell or show Jean what she was feeling instead of boxing it away like she was used to. She knew she had been very physical with Jean since the first time they slept together, her hands immediately wandering all over Jean’s body the moment they were alone together, her lips covering Jean’s before the other woman could even greet her. But it wasn’t that sex was all she was interested in when she was with Jean, despite how it may have seemed. She wanted to be close to the redhead, she had a constant and intense need to be near Jean that she actually found rather alarming, and sex was the only language she had to convey those feelings. She had used people to satisfy her desires, and she had been used by others to satisfy theirs and she had no problem with that. One time though, one time she had cared about the man that was using her, she had been seventeen and had thought she was in love with him and when she had realized that he was only interested in one thing from her it had hurt … deeply. She knew that because of her time with the Hellfire club and her everyday attire most of the X-Men were convinced she was some kind of exhibitionist nymphomaniac, and while she was an exhibitionist she didn’t want Jean to think that she was only interested in …
Jean’s lips moved to cover Emma’s moving against the blonde lovingly for a moment before she pulled back, her fingers drifting to Emma’s face so that she could brush the backs of them against the blonde’s cheek.
~I know, baby~
Emma closed her eyes and leaned into Jean’s touch her heart clutching at the redhead’s whispered mental words.
“I …” Emma began turning her face away from Jean’s hand into her hair breathing in deeply. “I like it when you call me ‘baby’,” she continued her voice barely audible a moment later keeping her nose buried in Jean’s hair to hide the blush she knew covered her face. Her feelings were so messed up, she hated feeling nervous and vulnerable and schmaltzy and yet she felt good after revealing something horribly embarrassing about herself to Jean. It was insane, she was a madwoman.
Jean allowed her fingers to drift down to touch the hand Emma still loosely had the Cooper book clutched in. She could feel the waves of emotion pouring from her lover and knew that Emma wouldn’t be able to take much more emotionally charged contact. It was difficult for Emma, not only showing her how she felt, but experiencing the emotions themselves. She knew that Emma would need time to orient herself to what she was feeling, the complex tangle of emotions that Emma brought out in her were almost overwhelming sometimes and she was used to emotionally entangling relationships. She would have said that she couldn’t fathom how difficult it must be for her lover, but she could fathom it because Emma had already come so much farther than she ever would have expected, had shown her so much despite her natural instinct to conceal, and it awed her. She marveled at her lover’s courage.
“Turn the page, baby,” Jean said quietly a moment later stroking Emma’s hand drawing her attention back to the book and away from her hair which Emma had seemed to be trying to burrow into or at the very least inhale.
Emma pulled her face away from Jean and looked back down at the book in her hands. She already didn’t like the book, and she had no expectation that it was going to get any better, but she was glad for the distraction. She hadn’t been quite sure what to do with what she had been feeling, and she knew that if Jean hadn’t distracted her that she would’ve tried to make love to her again just to do something.
“//It's my nature to believe there's a reason for everything, that each piece of the cosmic puzzle is put in place for a specific purpose. Three months down the road and looking back, I understand things now about myself I was otherwise blind to at the beginning of this story I'm about to tell//,” Emma read before pausing to look at Jean again. “Are you sure you found this?” she asked skeptically glad to be talking again. Banter, quipping and conversation she could do.
“Uh huh,” Jean responded glad to feel Emma relaxing behind her once again though she too was rather surprised by the relevance the opening of the book had to their current situation. “I swear,” she said placing her palm over her heart.
“Very well,” Emma sighed knowing Jean was telling the truth and it was just a very unfortunate coincidence. “You know, transcriptions can be a fairly interesting read if you go into with the proper mindset,” she continued really not wanting to continue reading the book Jean had given her and actually needed to go through those transcriptions. “If you were to give it a chance you might …”
Jean tapped the book.
“//I think most of us can be accused of looking at ourselves through rose-colored glasses, and I am certainly no exception...//” Emma picked up where she had left off.
Jean closed her eyes again soaking in the cultured tones of Emma’s voice, enjoying the warmth of the blonde’s body behind her, and the way that Emma’s free hand rubbed small circles on her stomach. She inhaled deeply breathing in the blonde’s scent and sighed contentedly.
Life was good.
---
A few hours later …
Emma rolled over wrapping her arms around Jean’s waist and kissed the back of the redhead’s neck.
“Tell me you’re joking,” she mumbled against the warm skin under her lips.
“There’s nothing wrong with Phil Collins,” Jean grumbled though she tilted her head back to give Emma more access to her neck. “I’ll admit I wasn’t always a huge Genesis fan in the beginning. I found their early work rather difficult to define. It was rather pretentious and self-consciously arty. But I think that they really became comfortable with themselves with the Duke album, probably due to Phil Collins more pronounced influence and I’ll gladly call myself a fan of their work after 1980,” Jean continued smirking at her explanation. She’d picked up on some of Emma’s habits it seemed.
“This is tragic,” Emma declared slipping her hand under Jean’s t-shirt to feel the warm skin underneath. “What other dreadful skeletons are hiding in your closet?”
“I …” Jean began pausing for dramatic effect trying not to smile. “I own both Avril Lavigne albums, I liked The O.C. in its first season, and I have an irrational fear of birds.”
“Does Warren know about that last one?” Emma asked sounding terribly amused.
“It’s really an aversion to things with beaks more than wings,” Jean clarified hearing the amused tone in her lover’s voice. “But no, and you’re not going to tell him either.”
Emma sighed and moved her hand further up Jean’s shirt until her hand was resting over the redhead’s breast. “You’re lucky I’m already extremely fond of you. At an earlier stage in our relationship those might have been deal breakers,” she mumbled before accepting Jean’s lips as the redhead twisted in her arms.
~Jean!~
Jean blinked pulling back from Emma’s lips. That hadn’t been the blonde.
~Jean!~
Jean closed her eyes concentrating, it was … Ororo.
~I hear you~ Jean sent back surprised that Ororo would be projecting so loudly for her. Any other telepaths around her would’ve been deafened by the force, and feeling Emma pull back from her slightly she realized that her girlfriend had heard Ororo as well. ~Concentrate on me Ro, you’re projecting all over the mansion~ Jean sent as she extended her mind reaching out for Ororo and tightening the connection between them blocking out most of it from prying minds. If any other telepaths were around they’d probably hear something similar to faint whispers but nothing they could make out.
~Sorry~ Ororo sent back, her increased concentration helping Jean. ~I would’ve come up, but I wanted to warn you in advance~
~What is it?~ Jean asked although she had a fairly good idea what might send Ororo calling for her and felt her stomach tighten and roll. ~I see~ Jean replied a moment later trying to keep her voice calm. ~Thanks~
Jean closed her eyes and sighed deeply before rolling away from Emma to sit up on the bed her legs dangling over the side. She felt queasy.
“Well, what was all that about?” Emma asked watching Jean’s back, not liking the redhead’s reaction at all. She’d tried to eavesdrop, but Jean was more powerful than her and had done an admirable job masking the conversation.
“Scott’s back.”
To be continued ...
Pairing: Jean Grey/Emma Frost
Rating: R
Disclaimer: Don’t own them, though I do covet them.
Part 15
Jean blinked against the morning light shining into her eyes and groaned rolling over - right into a warm body – in an attempt to block it out. Emma, she thought smiling and wrapping her arms around the blonde nuzzling against her for a moment, enjoying her scent and the warmth of her body before opening her eyes.
“Good morning, Tiger,” Emma replied smiling down at her as Jean blinked at her sleepily, Emma fuzzy but radiant to her still sleep blurred eyes. “You’re precious in the morning,” Emma continued reaching out to brush some stray strands of hair out of Jean’s face.
“Mmm,” Jean moaned unintelligibly before burying her face in Emma’s neck once more, kissing the warm skin she found there causing Emma to twitch slightly. “Hmm,” Jean mumbled sounding much more awake. She kissed the spot again, and once again Emma twitched.
“Do stop that, dear,” Emma complained reaching out to place her hand on Jean’s shoulder, stopping her from leaning in again.
“So you are ticklish,” Jean noted with a somewhat devious smile on her face.
“Not much,” Emma replied, “though I do have my weak spots. However since you’ve only found one, and I’ve found quite a few more on you,” she continued punctuating her statement by giving Jean a little tickle. “I think you might want to hold off on any declarations of war.”
Jean had to admit she had a point. She’d find a way to exploit that weak spot one day however.
Jean pulled back from Emma slightly and propped herself up on her elbow so that she was looking down at the still reclining blonde. She wasn’t sure if it had been sleepy motions, or her early morning hugging, but the sheet had fallen down revealing Emma’s breasts and much of her flat stomach. Jean was sure that meant she was just as visible but her own nudity didn’t interest her nearly as much as Emma’s did.
“You’re so beautiful,” Jean said softly, reaching out with her free hand. She began by resting her finger on Emma’s lip, smiling as the blonde playfully nipped at it before running her finger across her jaw, and then her neck, moving it further down in between the valley of her breasts and down her torso before dipping it in her belly button and pulling away.
She leaned over and kissed Emma softly suddenly needing to feel her.
“Jean.”
Emma’s voice was surprisingly serious when she pulled back, and Jean turned her full attention towards the blonde. She knew that they would need to have a talk about what had happened, but it surprised her somewhat that Emma was initiating it and so soon.
Emma sighed averting her eyes to stare out into the room once Jean focused on her. “You’ve seen more of me than any other living soul.” The words were sighed softly but there was a weighty gravitas to them that Jean didn’t miss.
Jean reached out and stroked Emma’s cheek. She understood the subtext of Emma’s simple comment. What Emma had really said was ‘I trust you. Don’t hurt me.’
Jean nodded and then lowered her head resting it on Emma’s shoulder. She needed a moment to compose herself. She knew that no matter what she decided to do she was going to hurt somebody that she loved and the knowledge of that weighed on her heavily. She had made a promise to herself months ago that she was going to show Emma that there was such a thing as trust and that she could trust her. She had sworn that she wouldn’t be one more person in Emma’s life to give up on her, that she wouldn’t abandon her or leave her like so many people had in the past. She had promised herself that she was going to show Emma that people wouldn’t always let her down. And she had. Emma Frost had opened up to her the night before more than any other person in her life had, more than her own husband had. She had wondered when she first set out to befriend the blonde if it would ever be possible to really get the woman to trust her and now she had her answer. Yes, resoundingly yes, she could and she did.
The question before her now was what she was going to do about that. Because as much as she had made promises to Emma she had also taken vows with Scott. Vows she had broken so completely and satisfyingly with Emma the night before, and had been breaking bit by bit with the blonde for weeks before.
Jean propped herself up once more and looked down at Emma.
“I love you,” she said softly, blinking as she studied the blonde’s features. “I do, God forgive me, I love you,” she continued feeling tears begin to form in her eyes. She turned her head away from Emma trying to get some control over herself before continuing. “Do you love me too, Emma? Be honest with me, do you love me, too?” Her voice sounded strained and she had to force herself to look over at Emma’s. So much, so much depended on the question she had just asked but already knew the answer to.
“You know that I do,” Emma replied staring up at the ceiling. “I certainly never planned on it, but here we both are,” she continued still unable to meet Jean’s eyes. “I do love you, Jean. I want to be with you. And I know you know how difficult it is for me to say this,” she went on still staring straight up. “But I’m doing it because it’s you … because you asked.”
Jean blinked. She did know that it was difficult for Emma to say it out loud. The blonde didn’t talk about her emotions. It was one of the first things she had noticed about the former White Queen because it reminded her of Scott. But even though it didn’t come to her naturally Emma was trying. Emma, who hated revealing any vulnerability and would vehemently deny having a heart to anyone who accused her of it, was talking about her feelings, was making herself vulnerable; was trying, for her. She was doing it because Jean had asked her to and she loved her. Scott had never put himself out for her, he had never caused himself discomfort by trying to give her what she needed emotionally, and when a true test came, when they needed to share with each other and open up to each other more than ever in their entire lives together, he shut her out and left. She had asked him, she had begged him and he had turned a deaf ear.
But Emma, Emma replied and the knowledge made her heart contract and her eyes sting.
Jean leaned down brining her lips against Emma’s kissing her intensely, desperately, the kiss messy and imprecise as she tried to take as much of the blonde as possible into her.
“You have me,” Jean whispered shakily in between kisses her body shivering slightly as she realized the truth of the words. “You have me,” she repeated softly somewhat awed. It shouldn’t have happened, she never meant for it to happen, but it had and she couldn’t fight it anymore. She didn’t want to. She was happy, Emma made her feel happy, and full and she wasn’t going to give that up despite the less than ideal timing.
Emma’s hand shook minutely as she grasped Jean’s face between her hands halting her kisses momentarily. “If you say that, you’re stuck with me,” Emma said softly but seriously, her eyes burning into Jean’s. Her breath was shallow and rapid and she recognized it as a fear response. “I’m very stubborn. Exceedingly …” she continued realizing that she was terrified even as she continued to speak.
“Abrasively stubborn,” Jean interjected smiling as she flashed back to their conversation weeks ago in the antique shop. She turned her head to the side briefly catching sight of the painting Emma had bought for her during that conversation. It seemed so long ago. “I know,” Jean continued turning back to Emma smiling softly. Now that her own emotions had calmed somewhat she could feel the anxiety emanating from Emma, and reached out tenderly, stroking her cheek. “I know. And I think I’ll keep you.”
Emma stared at her for a moment her eyes fluttering shut as she took a deep breath while Jean continued her tender caress, and then her bright blue eyes opened and she leaned up capturing Jean’s lips forcefully with her own. “I’m going to have my way with you,” Emma husked suddenly needing more contact right that moment.
Jean lay back. She had absolutely no problem with that course of action.
Part 16
Jean contemplated the flowers that surrounded her, looking at them with a critical eye. There weren’t any that were white, which put her straight back to the drawing board trying to figure out what other kind of flower Emma might like. She smiled to herself as she walked through Ororo’s garden, shaking her head. She couldn’t quite believe that she was looking for flowers for Emma Frost.
“You seem to be in a much better humor.”
Jean turned at the sound of a familiar voice, smiling as she met Ororo’s blue eyes. She was actually glad Ororo had dropped by since if she was actually able to decide on any flowers she’d need the woman’s permission to take them.
“I am,” Jean responded stopping to allow the dark skinned woman to catch up to her.
“You’ve come to a decision then?” Ororo asked as Jean began to walk once more. It was rare to actually find the redhead walking the garden and she wondered if it had anything to do with the reason why her friend was smiling for the first time in days.
“I have,” Jean replied. “It wasn’t easy,” she went on, stopping her browsing for a moment to turn to face Ororo. “It’s not really easy now. But there is a certain amount of relief in having made a decision at least.”
“You’ve chosen Emma,” Ororo said, not quite able to keep the surprise out of her voice. She realized that Jean’s feelings for the woman were deeper than most of them imagined, and with Scott’s absence and the strong attraction to the blonde that Jean had admitted to she suspected that Jean would have given into her attraction for the blonde at some point. But she didn’t really think that Jean would have seriously considered leaving Scott for her. After all, with what he had done a dalliance with someone in his absence could be forgiven, but to choose to be with Emma permanently. No, she hadn’t expected that.
“Yes,” Jean said hearing the surprise in Ororo’s voice. “A surprise I know,” she continued shaking her head. “To me as well,” she admitted.
“Are you sure she’s … what you want?” Ororo asked looking down at the flowers beside the path they were walking.
Jean laughed a little and Ororo looked up to see the redhead looking at her keenly.
“You want to know if we’ve slept together don’t you?” Jean asked knowingly, catching a little more of an emphasis on the word ‘she’ than the others in Ororo’s question. She supposed it was a valid question, she had been with Scott for so long that she was sure she had taken on a somewhat asexual personae to those that knew her best, and she had never had any public relationships with women when she was younger, though that was hardly surprising. There had been girls back then, but she never would’ve told anyone about it, and as she had gotten older her bisexuality had become somewhat of a moot point.
“It would be a good idea to be sure before making such a decision,” Ororo admitted without having to actually admit that that had been what she was asking.
“We have,” Jean said looking over at Ororo, a large smile spreading across her face before she looked away realizing what such a happy expression related. “It was fine.”
Ororo laughed at that. “Fine?” She questioned. Jean’s expression indicated that it had been more than fine.
“It was special,” Jean said in a more serious tone, her eyes traveling about the garden. “It wasn’t really like anything I’ve felt before, and not because she’s a she,” she added knowing that Ororo would probably ask. “She was so open about everything. What she felt, what she wanted, and demanded that I be open too. And, she let me in her head Ro, I could feel what she felt, with our shields down there was such a merging between our consciousness’s … I’ve never felt that close to anyone,” she went on finally looking over at Ororo and seeing her questioning look. She shook her head. “Not even Scott. He never trusted me … or maybe he never trusted himself enough to let me in like that.”
Ororo nodded surprised by that. She knew that there had been issues between them with Scott not wanting Jean in his head after the possession, but she hadn’t realized his issues with that had been long standing. Obviously the possession by Apocalypse had exacerbated his concerns, but apparently there had been some long before that.
“And she feels the same way about you, as you do about her?” Ororo asked deciding to leave the sex issue alone.
Jean nodded. “We talked,” she said out loud. “And, like I said we were inside of each other. It was more like a confirmation of feeling than anything else.”
“And you’re happy with her?” Ororo asked, still trying to wrap her mind around the idea that anybody could actually enjoy being around Emma Frost. Certainly she recognized the woman’s aesthetic qualities, she was quite lovely to look at, but she knew that for Jean to be changing her whole life around it had to be more than that, and it boggled her mind. She shook her head, she was going to have to try to hold an actual conversation with the blonde sometime.
“I am,” Jean responded hearing Ororo’s somewhat bewildered tone and understanding it. Ororo had been right weeks ago when she’d said that Emma was different around her. She knew that she saw a side of the blonde that few, if any, had seen before. She still maintained that if they were a bit less hostile to Emma they could begin to see some of that too, though obviously it would never be to the extent that she saw. “Much happier than I’ve been in a long time,” Jean continued sounding surprised herself. She hadn’t really realized that she’d been longing for something she hadn’t had until she had found it.
“Then you have my congratulations,” Ororo told her placing her hand on her shoulder. “And support. I’ll admit that I’m quite surprised by the turn things have taken,” Ororo continued. “But I know you and that this isn’t a decision that was come to lightly, or without much soul searching. If you truly weren’t happy before, then this is the only decision there can be.”
Jean placed her hand over top of Ororo’s and squeezed feeling her eyes sting a little with tears.
“Thank you,” she said her voice soft with emotion. “This is not going to be easy, I know that,” she said sighing. “The others, and … and when Scott gets back,” she went on looking up at the sky. “You’re my best friend,” Jean continued looking back over at Ororo, meeting her eyes. “I don’t know what I would’ve done if … I think, I’m going to need that support in coming days, my friend,” Jean finished with a shake of her head.
“Then you shall have it,” Ororo said before turning to look out at the garden again. “Were you looking for anything in particular out here?”
Jean breathed in deeply and exhaled glad for the chance in topic.
“Something white,” Jean replied smiling a little and then grinning when Ororo feigned shock. “That was really my only criteria. Emma’s quite predictable that way. But it seems as if I’m out of luck.”
“I think I might have something for you,” Ororo revealed, her voice heavy with importance.
“The private stock?” Jean asked sounding awed before grinning.
Ororo nodded before turning them in another direction. “I don’t give these ones out lightly,” Ororo commented as they headed towards her very private garden. “You better have great sex after this.”
Jean laughed. “Well, I was planning on that anyway.”
Two days later…
Jean sighed and closed her eyes as Emma began to read. They were in the blonde’s room on her rather spacious bed with Emma leaning against the back board while Jean lay in between her legs resting against the blonde. It was a very cozy position for Jean, and left Emma feeling in charge, which Jean was more than happy to do since she had suckered her girlfriend into doing something she was certain Emma would rather not have been doing.
“//I've never been one to believe in coincidence. That type of thinking has never worked for me. Maybe it goes hand in hand with my Type-A-must-always-be-in-control personality//,” Emma read from the book in her hand pausing as she finished the last sentence to tilt her head in Jean’s direction. “Is there a reason in particular you picked this book, dear?” she asked lifting a questioning eyebrow. She hadn’t really had any significant relationships in the past but she was certain that it was far too early in theirs for passive aggressive criticism.
Jean laughed as she glanced at the Harlequin novel in Emma’s hand. “A Dog Named Nate” by Inglath Cooper. She hadn’t actually picked the book for any particular reason. She hadn’t actually picked the book at all. She had found it in the living room earlier and had brought it to Emma’s room with her because she’d been planning on finding its owner the next day. She suspected it was Kitty, but she couldn’t be certain. When she’d decided that she wanted Emma to read something to her, all the blonde had on hand was business reports which Jean wasn’t interested in hearing about, even though the point of having Emma read to her had mostly been to listen to the blonde’s voice. She’d grabbed the Cooper book when Emma had pointed that out to her, saying that it shouldn’t matter if she read the book then.
“Happy coincidence,” Jean replied tilting her head to the side pressing a kiss to Emma’s cheek. “And I happen to like your Type-A-must always be in control personality,” she purred a moment later her eyes fluttering closed as she remembered how much as had enjoyed Emma’s controlling personality the night before. The times they had made love previous to that, which were rather numerous considering the amount of time they had been together, had been fairly evenly distributed between them being on top, but the night before Emma had evaded her attempts to dominate their love-making before finally holding down her hips and telling her in no uncertain terms while staring into her eyes that she was going to be the only one on top that night. She had thought of protesting, but as Emma demonstrated exactly what it was she planned on doing with her, her thoughts of protest turned into pleas for pleasure.
Emma smiled as Jean’s thoughts drifted into her mind. The redhead wasn’t exactly broadcasting her thoughts to her but she wasn’t trying to keep what she was thinking to herself either and since the mental contact between them had been almost constant after the first night they made love Emma had no trouble reading her lovers thoughts.
Biting down on her lip lightly as Jean shifted against her, Emma’s free hand began to move from where it had been resting on Jean’s stomach, slipping underneath the material of the redhead’s grey tank top and sliding along warm smooth skin to cup Jean’s bra-clad breast. She felt Jean inhale deeply and took a moment to enjoy the warmth and weight of the redhead’s breast in her hand before squeezing the soft mound of flesh.
Jean moaned softly and turned her head to kiss Emma’s neck again, this time opening her mouth to lick at the soft, warm skin beneath her lips. After few moments of that Jean then trailed her fingers up her own stomach until her hand was resting over Emma’s allowing her to still the blonde’s hand.
“Later,” Jean whispered gently, noting that her voice was lower than it had been moments ago. Despite the fact that she stopped Emma she had been anything but immune to the blonde’s arousing touch, but she still wanted to hear Emma read to her. They had spent more time with each other during the previous two days than they had in the week that preceded it, and as wonderful as the time had been it had also been overwhelming and confused and terrifying and enveloping, and as much as her body craved Emma’s touch she also needed some to just be with the blonde, some time to calm down and breath and just take pleasure in Emma’s presence.
Emma allowed her hand to slip from under Jean’s shirt. The redhead was purposefully broadcasting to her then and she understood what Jean was feeling. She turned her head to the side and kissed Jean’s temple before tensing for a moment. Emma closed her eyes and breathed in deeply one time before noiselessly exhaling and projecting her feelings to Jean. She was still adjusting to sharing herself in such an intimate way with another person and sometimes had to force herself to tell or show Jean what she was feeling instead of boxing it away like she was used to. She knew she had been very physical with Jean since the first time they slept together, her hands immediately wandering all over Jean’s body the moment they were alone together, her lips covering Jean’s before the other woman could even greet her. But it wasn’t that sex was all she was interested in when she was with Jean, despite how it may have seemed. She wanted to be close to the redhead, she had a constant and intense need to be near Jean that she actually found rather alarming, and sex was the only language she had to convey those feelings. She had used people to satisfy her desires, and she had been used by others to satisfy theirs and she had no problem with that. One time though, one time she had cared about the man that was using her, she had been seventeen and had thought she was in love with him and when she had realized that he was only interested in one thing from her it had hurt … deeply. She knew that because of her time with the Hellfire club and her everyday attire most of the X-Men were convinced she was some kind of exhibitionist nymphomaniac, and while she was an exhibitionist she didn’t want Jean to think that she was only interested in …
Jean’s lips moved to cover Emma’s moving against the blonde lovingly for a moment before she pulled back, her fingers drifting to Emma’s face so that she could brush the backs of them against the blonde’s cheek.
~I know, baby~
Emma closed her eyes and leaned into Jean’s touch her heart clutching at the redhead’s whispered mental words.
“I …” Emma began turning her face away from Jean’s hand into her hair breathing in deeply. “I like it when you call me ‘baby’,” she continued her voice barely audible a moment later keeping her nose buried in Jean’s hair to hide the blush she knew covered her face. Her feelings were so messed up, she hated feeling nervous and vulnerable and schmaltzy and yet she felt good after revealing something horribly embarrassing about herself to Jean. It was insane, she was a madwoman.
Jean allowed her fingers to drift down to touch the hand Emma still loosely had the Cooper book clutched in. She could feel the waves of emotion pouring from her lover and knew that Emma wouldn’t be able to take much more emotionally charged contact. It was difficult for Emma, not only showing her how she felt, but experiencing the emotions themselves. She knew that Emma would need time to orient herself to what she was feeling, the complex tangle of emotions that Emma brought out in her were almost overwhelming sometimes and she was used to emotionally entangling relationships. She would have said that she couldn’t fathom how difficult it must be for her lover, but she could fathom it because Emma had already come so much farther than she ever would have expected, had shown her so much despite her natural instinct to conceal, and it awed her. She marveled at her lover’s courage.
“Turn the page, baby,” Jean said quietly a moment later stroking Emma’s hand drawing her attention back to the book and away from her hair which Emma had seemed to be trying to burrow into or at the very least inhale.
Emma pulled her face away from Jean and looked back down at the book in her hands. She already didn’t like the book, and she had no expectation that it was going to get any better, but she was glad for the distraction. She hadn’t been quite sure what to do with what she had been feeling, and she knew that if Jean hadn’t distracted her that she would’ve tried to make love to her again just to do something.
“//It's my nature to believe there's a reason for everything, that each piece of the cosmic puzzle is put in place for a specific purpose. Three months down the road and looking back, I understand things now about myself I was otherwise blind to at the beginning of this story I'm about to tell//,” Emma read before pausing to look at Jean again. “Are you sure you found this?” she asked skeptically glad to be talking again. Banter, quipping and conversation she could do.
“Uh huh,” Jean responded glad to feel Emma relaxing behind her once again though she too was rather surprised by the relevance the opening of the book had to their current situation. “I swear,” she said placing her palm over her heart.
“Very well,” Emma sighed knowing Jean was telling the truth and it was just a very unfortunate coincidence. “You know, transcriptions can be a fairly interesting read if you go into with the proper mindset,” she continued really not wanting to continue reading the book Jean had given her and actually needed to go through those transcriptions. “If you were to give it a chance you might …”
Jean tapped the book.
“//I think most of us can be accused of looking at ourselves through rose-colored glasses, and I am certainly no exception...//” Emma picked up where she had left off.
Jean closed her eyes again soaking in the cultured tones of Emma’s voice, enjoying the warmth of the blonde’s body behind her, and the way that Emma’s free hand rubbed small circles on her stomach. She inhaled deeply breathing in the blonde’s scent and sighed contentedly.
Life was good.
A few hours later …
Emma rolled over wrapping her arms around Jean’s waist and kissed the back of the redhead’s neck.
“Tell me you’re joking,” she mumbled against the warm skin under her lips.
“There’s nothing wrong with Phil Collins,” Jean grumbled though she tilted her head back to give Emma more access to her neck. “I’ll admit I wasn’t always a huge Genesis fan in the beginning. I found their early work rather difficult to define. It was rather pretentious and self-consciously arty. But I think that they really became comfortable with themselves with the Duke album, probably due to Phil Collins more pronounced influence and I’ll gladly call myself a fan of their work after 1980,” Jean continued smirking at her explanation. She’d picked up on some of Emma’s habits it seemed.
“This is tragic,” Emma declared slipping her hand under Jean’s t-shirt to feel the warm skin underneath. “What other dreadful skeletons are hiding in your closet?”
“I …” Jean began pausing for dramatic effect trying not to smile. “I own both Avril Lavigne albums, I liked The O.C. in its first season, and I have an irrational fear of birds.”
“Does Warren know about that last one?” Emma asked sounding terribly amused.
“It’s really an aversion to things with beaks more than wings,” Jean clarified hearing the amused tone in her lover’s voice. “But no, and you’re not going to tell him either.”
Emma sighed and moved her hand further up Jean’s shirt until her hand was resting over the redhead’s breast. “You’re lucky I’m already extremely fond of you. At an earlier stage in our relationship those might have been deal breakers,” she mumbled before accepting Jean’s lips as the redhead twisted in her arms.
~Jean!~
Jean blinked pulling back from Emma’s lips. That hadn’t been the blonde.
~Jean!~
Jean closed her eyes concentrating, it was … Ororo.
~I hear you~ Jean sent back surprised that Ororo would be projecting so loudly for her. Any other telepaths around her would’ve been deafened by the force, and feeling Emma pull back from her slightly she realized that her girlfriend had heard Ororo as well. ~Concentrate on me Ro, you’re projecting all over the mansion~ Jean sent as she extended her mind reaching out for Ororo and tightening the connection between them blocking out most of it from prying minds. If any other telepaths were around they’d probably hear something similar to faint whispers but nothing they could make out.
~Sorry~ Ororo sent back, her increased concentration helping Jean. ~I would’ve come up, but I wanted to warn you in advance~
~What is it?~ Jean asked although she had a fairly good idea what might send Ororo calling for her and felt her stomach tighten and roll. ~I see~ Jean replied a moment later trying to keep her voice calm. ~Thanks~
Jean closed her eyes and sighed deeply before rolling away from Emma to sit up on the bed her legs dangling over the side. She felt queasy.
“Well, what was all that about?” Emma asked watching Jean’s back, not liking the redhead’s reaction at all. She’d tried to eavesdrop, but Jean was more powerful than her and had done an admirable job masking the conversation.
“Scott’s back.”
To be continued ...
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
scott's back omg
great story... im awestruck :O dude!!
*happy dances* im the first one to comment... geez and i dont have much to say just wow. *shrugs* hope u get what i mean with that. wow. ur a great writer. i love you. lol. just dont tell my g/f.
no subject
Date: 2006-06-14 11:07 pm (UTC)Um, yeah. Sorry for the rambling. All that to say, loved it and...Scott!!!!!!
no subject
Date: 2006-06-15 06:24 pm (UTC)- morning after cuddling and emotional bonding: check
- girl talk with Ororo going right to the point as usual: check
- more emotional bonding with telepathic powers and Emma making herself vulnerable to Jean: check
Yummy! And...Scott's back. I seriously love this fic.
no subject
Date: 2006-06-16 03:45 am (UTC)sucks for you scot, or at least i hope it will... DONT CRUSH MY DREAMS... please O_.