I frakking love this dude!
Mar. 8th, 2007 04:48 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
fembuckSo I've been reading my daily update over at What Would Tyler Durden Do? and had to pimp this blog because it makes me laugh until I cry. And then I wipe my eyes and laugh until I cry again. I don't know who this Brendan dude is, or what he does other than be awesome, but I love him and his commentaries.
So this is my everyone should read What Would Tyler Durden Do? post.
Examples of the gut busting funny ...
- Kirsten Dunst is exactly what an alien would be like if an alien came to earth and tried to blend in. They wouldn't know about our earth customs like tipping. Or dental care. This is why she doesn't tan, I bet. Her world has three suns and ours isn't strong enough for her cold clammy skin. I heard that one guy saw her eat a mouse one time. She just picked it up by it's tail and dropped it in her mouth whole. It was still alive and everything, kicking and squeaking. Swear to god, man.
- I guess these pictures of Brad Pitt on set with his daughter Shiloh could be cuter, but only if there was a baby tiger in a little jumper giving flowers to a baby panda in the background. And then the baby panda kinda blushed a little and then gave the baby tiger a kiss on the cheek. And then they went and played on the swings and held hands. Other than that, yeah this is pretty mush as cute as it gets.
- For some unknown reason, Glamour magazine is putting Drew Barrymore on its next cover and did whatever the hell this is for a photoshoot. It actually puts me in a sentimental mood because that bear kinda looks like a puppy I used to have. I actually found him. Poor little guy. He was just sitting there. In some kids yard. At the end of a leash. With a red bow around his neck and a tag that said "Happy Birthday Jack!" Whatever the hell that was supposed to mean. Where did he come from, how did he end up there, what fate did those monsters have in store for him? I guess we'll never know, thanks to me and my courage.
- Is there anyone in Hollywood more insufferable than Kirsten Dunst. I'll put it this way: No. She's so hideously ugly and annoying, if I were in a horrible car wreck and the car was on fire and I saw Kirsten running to help, I'd summon my last ounce of strength to lock the doors and turn up the radio.
- I have to assume Kirsten Dunst is reading science books to explain how someone could be in Hawaii for a week in a bikini and still not gain anything even remotely resembling a tan. It's like not even the sun wants anything to do with this fug monster. Even sunlight doesn't wanna touch her skin. Rays of sunlight get within a few feet, then turns back, "oh god ... do I have to ... no, I'm sorry, I can't do this, I quit..."
- [on Brangelina adopting from Vietnam] It's obvious they didn't ask Maddox about this, because - umm, how do I put this - Vietnam doesn't rank real high with other Asian cultures. Don't worry about how I know, but trust me when I tell you that a lot of Asian cultures don't get along, but they all agree to dislike the Vietnamese. Brad should go to one of the sexy Asian countries, like Thailand or wherever that chick from Battlestar Galactica is from. I think it's Korea. Or a Korean chick who lives in Thailand. According to my webcam, the girls over there are real friendly. They all have giggly pillow fights and sexy bondage parties. And why not. It's Thailand, man. No rules.
- This guys a jackass. I have no idea who he is but I'm guessing he looks and sounds like an Eddie Murphy character. This isn't even remotely the same thing [referring to the Frenchie scandal]... Antonella, ... got drunk and climbed in a fountain to show off in front of some friends. The alleged sex pictures are clearly not her. Granted, it's a WWII fountain and that's not cool, but chicks don't even know who fought in WWII. There's no way she thinks it was America. She probably saw "World" and assumed the fountain was a prop for a movie or something, since she's almost positive the earth has never been attacked by aliens. At least not twice.
- Chalk one up for Jesus if Britney is right and she really is the antichrist. He’s gotta feel good about his chances vs. a short tubby white girl. He was probably freakin out, assuming the Lawless One was gonna be some huge goat-bull-hoofed thingy, but turns out that it's a Mouseketeer whose powers include short shorts and practice at falling down. None of this is to be confused with my reputation as a real devil with the ladies and my classy suits that combine flair with function.
The prosecution rests ...
So this is my everyone should read What Would Tyler Durden Do? post.
Examples of the gut busting funny ...
- Kirsten Dunst is exactly what an alien would be like if an alien came to earth and tried to blend in. They wouldn't know about our earth customs like tipping. Or dental care. This is why she doesn't tan, I bet. Her world has three suns and ours isn't strong enough for her cold clammy skin. I heard that one guy saw her eat a mouse one time. She just picked it up by it's tail and dropped it in her mouth whole. It was still alive and everything, kicking and squeaking. Swear to god, man.
- I guess these pictures of Brad Pitt on set with his daughter Shiloh could be cuter, but only if there was a baby tiger in a little jumper giving flowers to a baby panda in the background. And then the baby panda kinda blushed a little and then gave the baby tiger a kiss on the cheek. And then they went and played on the swings and held hands. Other than that, yeah this is pretty mush as cute as it gets.
- For some unknown reason, Glamour magazine is putting Drew Barrymore on its next cover and did whatever the hell this is for a photoshoot. It actually puts me in a sentimental mood because that bear kinda looks like a puppy I used to have. I actually found him. Poor little guy. He was just sitting there. In some kids yard. At the end of a leash. With a red bow around his neck and a tag that said "Happy Birthday Jack!" Whatever the hell that was supposed to mean. Where did he come from, how did he end up there, what fate did those monsters have in store for him? I guess we'll never know, thanks to me and my courage.
- Is there anyone in Hollywood more insufferable than Kirsten Dunst. I'll put it this way: No. She's so hideously ugly and annoying, if I were in a horrible car wreck and the car was on fire and I saw Kirsten running to help, I'd summon my last ounce of strength to lock the doors and turn up the radio.
- I have to assume Kirsten Dunst is reading science books to explain how someone could be in Hawaii for a week in a bikini and still not gain anything even remotely resembling a tan. It's like not even the sun wants anything to do with this fug monster. Even sunlight doesn't wanna touch her skin. Rays of sunlight get within a few feet, then turns back, "oh god ... do I have to ... no, I'm sorry, I can't do this, I quit..."
- [on Brangelina adopting from Vietnam] It's obvious they didn't ask Maddox about this, because - umm, how do I put this - Vietnam doesn't rank real high with other Asian cultures. Don't worry about how I know, but trust me when I tell you that a lot of Asian cultures don't get along, but they all agree to dislike the Vietnamese. Brad should go to one of the sexy Asian countries, like Thailand or wherever that chick from Battlestar Galactica is from. I think it's Korea. Or a Korean chick who lives in Thailand. According to my webcam, the girls over there are real friendly. They all have giggly pillow fights and sexy bondage parties. And why not. It's Thailand, man. No rules.
- This guys a jackass. I have no idea who he is but I'm guessing he looks and sounds like an Eddie Murphy character. This isn't even remotely the same thing [referring to the Frenchie scandal]... Antonella, ... got drunk and climbed in a fountain to show off in front of some friends. The alleged sex pictures are clearly not her. Granted, it's a WWII fountain and that's not cool, but chicks don't even know who fought in WWII. There's no way she thinks it was America. She probably saw "World" and assumed the fountain was a prop for a movie or something, since she's almost positive the earth has never been attacked by aliens. At least not twice.
- Chalk one up for Jesus if Britney is right and she really is the antichrist. He’s gotta feel good about his chances vs. a short tubby white girl. He was probably freakin out, assuming the Lawless One was gonna be some huge goat-bull-hoofed thingy, but turns out that it's a Mouseketeer whose powers include short shorts and practice at falling down. None of this is to be confused with my reputation as a real devil with the ladies and my classy suits that combine flair with function.
The prosecution rests ...
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You got me hooked.
Date: 2007-03-10 03:39 pm (UTC)"If your car is stuck in the mud and all you have to help is Kate Moss and some old people, you should just start walking into town. Kate looks like the Grinch's dog when he tried to pull the sled filled with toys. Except less sexy. She might as well have tried touching her forehead and moving it with her mind. This is why you don’t let crackheads drive. Why are they in the middle of a field? And I wonder if anyone suggested “reverse”.
So great...
Re: You got me hooked.
Date: 2007-03-12 05:59 am (UTC)I just love this guys random humor, like I cackle like an insane person when I read that site. Luckily a co-worker turned me on to it, so if she's in the office I can just be like "reading wwtdd.com" and she nods in understanding :D