Hollywood I am Dissappoint
May. 31st, 2009 04:14 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
fembuckSo, this weekend I saw ...
Oh my god, this movie was boring. I nearly nodded off like three times during it. It's been a while since I've seen such a soulless piece of dreck. I didn't care about one goddamn character in this movie. Well, maybe Kyle and Kate and John, but even then only a little bit.
All I could think about the whole time I was watching was how much better the worst episode of Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles was. People complained that that show was too talky and philosphical, but Terminator: Salvation just proves that it's better to have character development than explosions.
When I'm watching a film, and I'm thinking that I'd rather be watching Thomas Dekker than Christian Bale you know someone screwed up big time.
More Thoughts:
1. Sam Worthington poses well, but is pretty charisma free. I think they're hoping for the next Hugh Jackman or Gerard Butler with him, but I think he's going to be the next Paul Walker.
2. Christian Bale was criminally underused.
I don't understand how John Connor was practically a minor freaking character in this. Why on earth would they make the whole movie about Marcus' journey? We've been invested in John Connor for three movies and one television series, and you're going to then make it all about Marcus' journey to discover who and what he is? The fuck? I cannot express how much it bugged me that Marcus and Blair got more of a love subplot than John and Kate did (especially because I really liked Bryce Dallas Howard in this, and I really liked how John and Kate seemed to operate like partners. They're relationship actually seemed kind of interesting, you know in like the 3, minute long scenes they had together.
3. Why didn't that little girl talk? Whatever they were trying to do with her character, IT DIDN'T WORK!
4. Helena Bonham Carter was sadly not on screen long enough. I was somewhat engaged during her scenes so of course she was only on screen for like 5 minutes.
5. Moon Bloodgood is really goodlooking, but sometimes that just isn't enough.
6. An attempted rape scene, how unexpected. *Sarcasm meter explodes*
7. Ugh ... I'm just paralyzed with not caring. I can't even come up with a seventh thought.
Jesus H. Christ, this makes me want to go back and watch Terminator 3. Terminator 3 people! Terminator Salvation makes that shit look good. *sigh*
LESBIAN VAMPIRE KILLERS
The title of this movie is awesome. The movie itself is not.
I called Terminator: Salvation a soulless piece of dreck. Well, this movie has it beat. I said there were two people that I kind of cared about in Terminator (and a few others that I was close to caring about), there was not one character that I liked in Lesbian Vampire Killers.
I think it was supposed to be a comedy. But I'm confused because I thought comedies were supposed to be funny! Seriously, a bad Swedish accents really still the cutting edge of comedy? Am I supposed to laugh at "Yeah Yeah" jokes, and implant humor. Is a fat, loud, drunken idiot, perving over a teenage girl and counting down until she's eighteen really supposed to amuse me? What about a cock sword? Oh, I know what's comedy gold! Let's have the lesbian vampires look like some guy jizzed all over them while we shove phallicly shaped sharp objects in them and then cheer. A frying pan? Seriously? Ugh. And don't even get me started on the lame meta humor.
Jimmy was a non-entity that I didn't give two shits about, and Fletch was one of THE most annoying characters I've encountered on screen in a while. I think these guys were supposed to be lovable, buffon losers who we loved and cheered for, but I just wanted them to die horrible fucking deaths so I wouldn't have to look at them anymore, especially Fletch.
I cry of Myanna Byring who is actually a decent actress, and actually tried during this. If the script wasn't so horrible I probably would have liked her character Lotte, but because the script was so god awful, I couldn't even like this character no matter how much I tried. And I did try.
And for a movie with a title like Lesbian Vampire Killers, there was very little lesbianism and none of it was appealing or sexy at all. Soulless and clinical. I was bored people, it was lesbian vampires and I was bored out of my fucking skull.
I'm seriously struggling to find one good thing to say about this movie. I think I'm going to have to go with the vampires looked kind of neat. They had an etheral wood nymph quality that was visually pretty spectacular. That's it people. That's all I can say I actually liked.
Horrible. Terrible. Awful.
AVOID AVOID AVOID AVOID!
Overall ... not impressed
Oh my god, this movie was boring. I nearly nodded off like three times during it. It's been a while since I've seen such a soulless piece of dreck. I didn't care about one goddamn character in this movie. Well, maybe Kyle and Kate and John, but even then only a little bit.
All I could think about the whole time I was watching was how much better the worst episode of Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles was. People complained that that show was too talky and philosphical, but Terminator: Salvation just proves that it's better to have character development than explosions.
When I'm watching a film, and I'm thinking that I'd rather be watching Thomas Dekker than Christian Bale you know someone screwed up big time.
More Thoughts:
1. Sam Worthington poses well, but is pretty charisma free. I think they're hoping for the next Hugh Jackman or Gerard Butler with him, but I think he's going to be the next Paul Walker.
2. Christian Bale was criminally underused.
I don't understand how John Connor was practically a minor freaking character in this. Why on earth would they make the whole movie about Marcus' journey? We've been invested in John Connor for three movies and one television series, and you're going to then make it all about Marcus' journey to discover who and what he is? The fuck? I cannot express how much it bugged me that Marcus and Blair got more of a love subplot than John and Kate did (especially because I really liked Bryce Dallas Howard in this, and I really liked how John and Kate seemed to operate like partners. They're relationship actually seemed kind of interesting, you know in like the 3, minute long scenes they had together.
3. Why didn't that little girl talk? Whatever they were trying to do with her character, IT DIDN'T WORK!
4. Helena Bonham Carter was sadly not on screen long enough. I was somewhat engaged during her scenes so of course she was only on screen for like 5 minutes.
5. Moon Bloodgood is really goodlooking, but sometimes that just isn't enough.
6. An attempted rape scene, how unexpected. *Sarcasm meter explodes*
7. Ugh ... I'm just paralyzed with not caring. I can't even come up with a seventh thought.
Jesus H. Christ, this makes me want to go back and watch Terminator 3. Terminator 3 people! Terminator Salvation makes that shit look good. *sigh*
LESBIAN VAMPIRE KILLERS
The title of this movie is awesome. The movie itself is not.
I called Terminator: Salvation a soulless piece of dreck. Well, this movie has it beat. I said there were two people that I kind of cared about in Terminator (and a few others that I was close to caring about), there was not one character that I liked in Lesbian Vampire Killers.
I think it was supposed to be a comedy. But I'm confused because I thought comedies were supposed to be funny! Seriously, a bad Swedish accents really still the cutting edge of comedy? Am I supposed to laugh at "Yeah Yeah" jokes, and implant humor. Is a fat, loud, drunken idiot, perving over a teenage girl and counting down until she's eighteen really supposed to amuse me? What about a cock sword? Oh, I know what's comedy gold! Let's have the lesbian vampires look like some guy jizzed all over them while we shove phallicly shaped sharp objects in them and then cheer. A frying pan? Seriously? Ugh. And don't even get me started on the lame meta humor.
Jimmy was a non-entity that I didn't give two shits about, and Fletch was one of THE most annoying characters I've encountered on screen in a while. I think these guys were supposed to be lovable, buffon losers who we loved and cheered for, but I just wanted them to die horrible fucking deaths so I wouldn't have to look at them anymore, especially Fletch.
I cry of Myanna Byring who is actually a decent actress, and actually tried during this. If the script wasn't so horrible I probably would have liked her character Lotte, but because the script was so god awful, I couldn't even like this character no matter how much I tried. And I did try.
And for a movie with a title like Lesbian Vampire Killers, there was very little lesbianism and none of it was appealing or sexy at all. Soulless and clinical. I was bored people, it was lesbian vampires and I was bored out of my fucking skull.
I'm seriously struggling to find one good thing to say about this movie. I think I'm going to have to go with the vampires looked kind of neat. They had an etheral wood nymph quality that was visually pretty spectacular. That's it people. That's all I can say I actually liked.
Horrible. Terrible. Awful.
AVOID AVOID AVOID AVOID!
Overall ... not impressed
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no subject
Date: 2009-05-31 10:59 pm (UTC)not quite-redeeming-aspects include...
a. bryce. i still love her from the village and holy crap was she legit pregnant because she looked it. i agree she and john had this really interesting partnership going that i enjoyed watching [for all...5 minutes of it]. more of her pls.
b. 'that-guy-who-plays-chekov'. not gonna lie. we wanted to see more of him. even if his character was redonk.
c. the ridiculously desaturated color palette [minus red seaweed plants], some really sweet explosions, and an overall pretty looking flick. the satellite dishes being destroyed was niiiice.
d. that we snuck in to it after seeing 'up' and it was free
no subject
Date: 2009-05-31 11:47 pm (UTC)Yeah, you know what. I'm not really a film snob. I just want to be entertained. I don't need movies to be all deep and shit, just make me laugh, and make me go "fuck that's cool", and give me some likable characters and I'm pretty happy. I mean, I own Ghosts of Mars on DVD for fucks sake, I have no room to judge really.
But this movie committed the unforgivable sin of boring the shit out of me.
a. bryce.
Bryce was a light in a tunnel of darkness. I've liked her since The Village too, and I thought she was great as Gwen in Spiderman 4 (in fact she was the only thing I liked about Spiderman 4). I even watched that Mermaid M. Night movie for her (I can't remember what it's called now and I don't care enough to look it up, Lady in the Water or something). I was actually really interested in Kate, and would have loved to see more of her. And of course more of her and John.
b. 'that-guy-who-plays-chekov'. not gonna lie. we wanted to see more of him. even if his character was redonk.
I really heart Anton Yelchin. I've loved him for years. So, yeah I was interested when Kyle was onscreen. I would have loved it even more if he didn't have to share screen time with Marcus though. Kyle and John fighting together would have been the awesomest thing ever to watch.
an overall pretty looking flick
This. It was all style over substance. It did look great, it was just a pretty shell though.
d. that we snuck in to it after seeing 'up' and it was free
Nice. I saw it for free too, which is probably one of the reasons I'm not ranting more, lol