Hollywood I am Dissappoint
May. 31st, 2009 04:14 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
fembuckSo, this weekend I saw ...
Oh my god, this movie was boring. I nearly nodded off like three times during it. It's been a while since I've seen such a soulless piece of dreck. I didn't care about one goddamn character in this movie. Well, maybe Kyle and Kate and John, but even then only a little bit.
All I could think about the whole time I was watching was how much better the worst episode of Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles was. People complained that that show was too talky and philosphical, but Terminator: Salvation just proves that it's better to have character development than explosions.
When I'm watching a film, and I'm thinking that I'd rather be watching Thomas Dekker than Christian Bale you know someone screwed up big time.
More Thoughts:
1. Sam Worthington poses well, but is pretty charisma free. I think they're hoping for the next Hugh Jackman or Gerard Butler with him, but I think he's going to be the next Paul Walker.
2. Christian Bale was criminally underused.
I don't understand how John Connor was practically a minor freaking character in this. Why on earth would they make the whole movie about Marcus' journey? We've been invested in John Connor for three movies and one television series, and you're going to then make it all about Marcus' journey to discover who and what he is? The fuck? I cannot express how much it bugged me that Marcus and Blair got more of a love subplot than John and Kate did (especially because I really liked Bryce Dallas Howard in this, and I really liked how John and Kate seemed to operate like partners. They're relationship actually seemed kind of interesting, you know in like the 3, minute long scenes they had together.
3. Why didn't that little girl talk? Whatever they were trying to do with her character, IT DIDN'T WORK!
4. Helena Bonham Carter was sadly not on screen long enough. I was somewhat engaged during her scenes so of course she was only on screen for like 5 minutes.
5. Moon Bloodgood is really goodlooking, but sometimes that just isn't enough.
6. An attempted rape scene, how unexpected. *Sarcasm meter explodes*
7. Ugh ... I'm just paralyzed with not caring. I can't even come up with a seventh thought.
Jesus H. Christ, this makes me want to go back and watch Terminator 3. Terminator 3 people! Terminator Salvation makes that shit look good. *sigh*
LESBIAN VAMPIRE KILLERS
The title of this movie is awesome. The movie itself is not.
I called Terminator: Salvation a soulless piece of dreck. Well, this movie has it beat. I said there were two people that I kind of cared about in Terminator (and a few others that I was close to caring about), there was not one character that I liked in Lesbian Vampire Killers.
I think it was supposed to be a comedy. But I'm confused because I thought comedies were supposed to be funny! Seriously, a bad Swedish accents really still the cutting edge of comedy? Am I supposed to laugh at "Yeah Yeah" jokes, and implant humor. Is a fat, loud, drunken idiot, perving over a teenage girl and counting down until she's eighteen really supposed to amuse me? What about a cock sword? Oh, I know what's comedy gold! Let's have the lesbian vampires look like some guy jizzed all over them while we shove phallicly shaped sharp objects in them and then cheer. A frying pan? Seriously? Ugh. And don't even get me started on the lame meta humor.
Jimmy was a non-entity that I didn't give two shits about, and Fletch was one of THE most annoying characters I've encountered on screen in a while. I think these guys were supposed to be lovable, buffon losers who we loved and cheered for, but I just wanted them to die horrible fucking deaths so I wouldn't have to look at them anymore, especially Fletch.
I cry of Myanna Byring who is actually a decent actress, and actually tried during this. If the script wasn't so horrible I probably would have liked her character Lotte, but because the script was so god awful, I couldn't even like this character no matter how much I tried. And I did try.
And for a movie with a title like Lesbian Vampire Killers, there was very little lesbianism and none of it was appealing or sexy at all. Soulless and clinical. I was bored people, it was lesbian vampires and I was bored out of my fucking skull.
I'm seriously struggling to find one good thing to say about this movie. I think I'm going to have to go with the vampires looked kind of neat. They had an etheral wood nymph quality that was visually pretty spectacular. That's it people. That's all I can say I actually liked.
Horrible. Terrible. Awful.
AVOID AVOID AVOID AVOID!
Overall ... not impressed
Oh my god, this movie was boring. I nearly nodded off like three times during it. It's been a while since I've seen such a soulless piece of dreck. I didn't care about one goddamn character in this movie. Well, maybe Kyle and Kate and John, but even then only a little bit.
All I could think about the whole time I was watching was how much better the worst episode of Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles was. People complained that that show was too talky and philosphical, but Terminator: Salvation just proves that it's better to have character development than explosions.
When I'm watching a film, and I'm thinking that I'd rather be watching Thomas Dekker than Christian Bale you know someone screwed up big time.
More Thoughts:
1. Sam Worthington poses well, but is pretty charisma free. I think they're hoping for the next Hugh Jackman or Gerard Butler with him, but I think he's going to be the next Paul Walker.
2. Christian Bale was criminally underused.
I don't understand how John Connor was practically a minor freaking character in this. Why on earth would they make the whole movie about Marcus' journey? We've been invested in John Connor for three movies and one television series, and you're going to then make it all about Marcus' journey to discover who and what he is? The fuck? I cannot express how much it bugged me that Marcus and Blair got more of a love subplot than John and Kate did (especially because I really liked Bryce Dallas Howard in this, and I really liked how John and Kate seemed to operate like partners. They're relationship actually seemed kind of interesting, you know in like the 3, minute long scenes they had together.
3. Why didn't that little girl talk? Whatever they were trying to do with her character, IT DIDN'T WORK!
4. Helena Bonham Carter was sadly not on screen long enough. I was somewhat engaged during her scenes so of course she was only on screen for like 5 minutes.
5. Moon Bloodgood is really goodlooking, but sometimes that just isn't enough.
6. An attempted rape scene, how unexpected. *Sarcasm meter explodes*
7. Ugh ... I'm just paralyzed with not caring. I can't even come up with a seventh thought.
Jesus H. Christ, this makes me want to go back and watch Terminator 3. Terminator 3 people! Terminator Salvation makes that shit look good. *sigh*
LESBIAN VAMPIRE KILLERS
The title of this movie is awesome. The movie itself is not.
I called Terminator: Salvation a soulless piece of dreck. Well, this movie has it beat. I said there were two people that I kind of cared about in Terminator (and a few others that I was close to caring about), there was not one character that I liked in Lesbian Vampire Killers.
I think it was supposed to be a comedy. But I'm confused because I thought comedies were supposed to be funny! Seriously, a bad Swedish accents really still the cutting edge of comedy? Am I supposed to laugh at "Yeah Yeah" jokes, and implant humor. Is a fat, loud, drunken idiot, perving over a teenage girl and counting down until she's eighteen really supposed to amuse me? What about a cock sword? Oh, I know what's comedy gold! Let's have the lesbian vampires look like some guy jizzed all over them while we shove phallicly shaped sharp objects in them and then cheer. A frying pan? Seriously? Ugh. And don't even get me started on the lame meta humor.
Jimmy was a non-entity that I didn't give two shits about, and Fletch was one of THE most annoying characters I've encountered on screen in a while. I think these guys were supposed to be lovable, buffon losers who we loved and cheered for, but I just wanted them to die horrible fucking deaths so I wouldn't have to look at them anymore, especially Fletch.
I cry of Myanna Byring who is actually a decent actress, and actually tried during this. If the script wasn't so horrible I probably would have liked her character Lotte, but because the script was so god awful, I couldn't even like this character no matter how much I tried. And I did try.
And for a movie with a title like Lesbian Vampire Killers, there was very little lesbianism and none of it was appealing or sexy at all. Soulless and clinical. I was bored people, it was lesbian vampires and I was bored out of my fucking skull.
I'm seriously struggling to find one good thing to say about this movie. I think I'm going to have to go with the vampires looked kind of neat. They had an etheral wood nymph quality that was visually pretty spectacular. That's it people. That's all I can say I actually liked.
Horrible. Terrible. Awful.
AVOID AVOID AVOID AVOID!
Overall ... not impressed
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no subject
Date: 2009-05-31 11:30 pm (UTC)lol. I know, working on that piece of shit would put anyone on edge. Still, dude did sign on to make the movie after reading the piece of shit script, so I can't feel too sorry for him.
There was absolutely no point to this movie. NO POINT. I have no idea what the writers (who also wrote T:3) were smoking when they pitched this, let alone what FOX was thinking when they actually bought it.
This. It added absolutely NOTHING to the Terminator universe. And since they had Marcus!bot have Marcus!Criminal brain and heart, there was really no question as to whether he was human or not. He was just a cyborg. T: TSCC addressed that issue of what makes us human, and could cybernetic organisms ever really feel etc. MUCH MUCH MUCH better with Cameron.
Oh wow, a movie about a convicted killer finding redemption as a cyborg hybrid that has very little to do with John Connor - FASCINATING? NOT!!
I'm baffled as to why I was supposed to be interested in this guy. I mean, he was kind of an asshole to people throughout the movie also, so I have no idea what they were trying to do with this character. Only that it was boring as hell. I can't believe we could have seen John and Kyle working together but instead we got saddled with a Marcus/Kyle buddy cop show.
Oh, and did you know McG and the writers ORIGINAL ending was to have John become a cyborg? Until Bale stepped in and was all 'oh, *fuck* naw!'.
Ugh. I thought they were going to do that for a while in the movie, and was relieved as fuck when they didn't. But to know that this was McG's original plan, just explains to me why the movie was such shit. If he thought that was a good idea, there was no hope for this to be a good film. Thank god for Bale.
That scene made me want to punch somebody in the face!
I know. I kind of mentally checked out a bit after that scene. I hated it so much. It was just bit in there so that THE FUCKING KILLER could sweep in and save her, and show us WHAT A GOOD GUY HE IS. FUCK YOU! Blair was a trained resistance fighter. There was no way she would have just showed up there, taken off her weapon and wandered away. She should have been able to handle that shit herself. FUCKING PERIMETER CHECK BLAIR! It was so amateurish. A trained fighter never would have done that. It was all so Marcus could be the fucking hero.
And thanks for the warning about Lesbian Vampire Killers!
Oh, it's awful. It's so awful. *shudder*
no subject
Date: 2009-06-01 01:26 am (UTC)You know what *really* pisses me off? FOX's hand-wringing over TSCC being the one that fucks up the Terminator franchise and the subsequent snubbing by the studio. Like, really? You thought this piece of shit script was the *better* alternative? I'd also rant about how FOX could have used TSCC as a promotional piece for the movie benefiting both. I mean, really, *one* extended trailer? No behind the scenes stuff, no interviews with the cast? No using TSCC as a BUILT-IN HYPE MACHINE to promote the movie in a way that would help boost the show's ratings? SO, thanks FOX for fucking over a good tv show for a shitty movie!
It was just bit in there so that THE FUCKING KILLER could sweep in and save her, and show us WHAT A GOOD GUY HE IS.
Lol, yes. But not just that, it was supposed to make us wonder whether or not he was a machine. Which is my other biggest criticism of the movie is the trailers SPOIL EVERYTHING!! So, I was bored out of my skull waiting for John to show up (since I already knew what was going to happen) and reveal to Marcus that he's a machine and that took like HALF THE MOVIE! Then again, I guess if the trailer's had been bit more honest and showed that the movie was about some dude named Marcus instead of John FUCKING Connor? It'd be tanking at the box office worse than it already is.
Sadly, I still think they're gonna make a sequel. Hopefully, McG and the writers for this WON'T be invited back! Watching this movie made me appreciate James Cameron.. and I *never* thought I'd say that!