Hollywood I am Dissappoint
May. 31st, 2009 04:14 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
fembuckSo, this weekend I saw ...
Oh my god, this movie was boring. I nearly nodded off like three times during it. It's been a while since I've seen such a soulless piece of dreck. I didn't care about one goddamn character in this movie. Well, maybe Kyle and Kate and John, but even then only a little bit.
All I could think about the whole time I was watching was how much better the worst episode of Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles was. People complained that that show was too talky and philosphical, but Terminator: Salvation just proves that it's better to have character development than explosions.
When I'm watching a film, and I'm thinking that I'd rather be watching Thomas Dekker than Christian Bale you know someone screwed up big time.
More Thoughts:
1. Sam Worthington poses well, but is pretty charisma free. I think they're hoping for the next Hugh Jackman or Gerard Butler with him, but I think he's going to be the next Paul Walker.
2. Christian Bale was criminally underused.
I don't understand how John Connor was practically a minor freaking character in this. Why on earth would they make the whole movie about Marcus' journey? We've been invested in John Connor for three movies and one television series, and you're going to then make it all about Marcus' journey to discover who and what he is? The fuck? I cannot express how much it bugged me that Marcus and Blair got more of a love subplot than John and Kate did (especially because I really liked Bryce Dallas Howard in this, and I really liked how John and Kate seemed to operate like partners. They're relationship actually seemed kind of interesting, you know in like the 3, minute long scenes they had together.
3. Why didn't that little girl talk? Whatever they were trying to do with her character, IT DIDN'T WORK!
4. Helena Bonham Carter was sadly not on screen long enough. I was somewhat engaged during her scenes so of course she was only on screen for like 5 minutes.
5. Moon Bloodgood is really goodlooking, but sometimes that just isn't enough.
6. An attempted rape scene, how unexpected. *Sarcasm meter explodes*
7. Ugh ... I'm just paralyzed with not caring. I can't even come up with a seventh thought.
Jesus H. Christ, this makes me want to go back and watch Terminator 3. Terminator 3 people! Terminator Salvation makes that shit look good. *sigh*
LESBIAN VAMPIRE KILLERS
The title of this movie is awesome. The movie itself is not.
I called Terminator: Salvation a soulless piece of dreck. Well, this movie has it beat. I said there were two people that I kind of cared about in Terminator (and a few others that I was close to caring about), there was not one character that I liked in Lesbian Vampire Killers.
I think it was supposed to be a comedy. But I'm confused because I thought comedies were supposed to be funny! Seriously, a bad Swedish accents really still the cutting edge of comedy? Am I supposed to laugh at "Yeah Yeah" jokes, and implant humor. Is a fat, loud, drunken idiot, perving over a teenage girl and counting down until she's eighteen really supposed to amuse me? What about a cock sword? Oh, I know what's comedy gold! Let's have the lesbian vampires look like some guy jizzed all over them while we shove phallicly shaped sharp objects in them and then cheer. A frying pan? Seriously? Ugh. And don't even get me started on the lame meta humor.
Jimmy was a non-entity that I didn't give two shits about, and Fletch was one of THE most annoying characters I've encountered on screen in a while. I think these guys were supposed to be lovable, buffon losers who we loved and cheered for, but I just wanted them to die horrible fucking deaths so I wouldn't have to look at them anymore, especially Fletch.
I cry of Myanna Byring who is actually a decent actress, and actually tried during this. If the script wasn't so horrible I probably would have liked her character Lotte, but because the script was so god awful, I couldn't even like this character no matter how much I tried. And I did try.
And for a movie with a title like Lesbian Vampire Killers, there was very little lesbianism and none of it was appealing or sexy at all. Soulless and clinical. I was bored people, it was lesbian vampires and I was bored out of my fucking skull.
I'm seriously struggling to find one good thing to say about this movie. I think I'm going to have to go with the vampires looked kind of neat. They had an etheral wood nymph quality that was visually pretty spectacular. That's it people. That's all I can say I actually liked.
Horrible. Terrible. Awful.
AVOID AVOID AVOID AVOID!
Overall ... not impressed
Oh my god, this movie was boring. I nearly nodded off like three times during it. It's been a while since I've seen such a soulless piece of dreck. I didn't care about one goddamn character in this movie. Well, maybe Kyle and Kate and John, but even then only a little bit.
All I could think about the whole time I was watching was how much better the worst episode of Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles was. People complained that that show was too talky and philosphical, but Terminator: Salvation just proves that it's better to have character development than explosions.
When I'm watching a film, and I'm thinking that I'd rather be watching Thomas Dekker than Christian Bale you know someone screwed up big time.
More Thoughts:
1. Sam Worthington poses well, but is pretty charisma free. I think they're hoping for the next Hugh Jackman or Gerard Butler with him, but I think he's going to be the next Paul Walker.
2. Christian Bale was criminally underused.
I don't understand how John Connor was practically a minor freaking character in this. Why on earth would they make the whole movie about Marcus' journey? We've been invested in John Connor for three movies and one television series, and you're going to then make it all about Marcus' journey to discover who and what he is? The fuck? I cannot express how much it bugged me that Marcus and Blair got more of a love subplot than John and Kate did (especially because I really liked Bryce Dallas Howard in this, and I really liked how John and Kate seemed to operate like partners. They're relationship actually seemed kind of interesting, you know in like the 3, minute long scenes they had together.
3. Why didn't that little girl talk? Whatever they were trying to do with her character, IT DIDN'T WORK!
4. Helena Bonham Carter was sadly not on screen long enough. I was somewhat engaged during her scenes so of course she was only on screen for like 5 minutes.
5. Moon Bloodgood is really goodlooking, but sometimes that just isn't enough.
6. An attempted rape scene, how unexpected. *Sarcasm meter explodes*
7. Ugh ... I'm just paralyzed with not caring. I can't even come up with a seventh thought.
Jesus H. Christ, this makes me want to go back and watch Terminator 3. Terminator 3 people! Terminator Salvation makes that shit look good. *sigh*
LESBIAN VAMPIRE KILLERS
The title of this movie is awesome. The movie itself is not.
I called Terminator: Salvation a soulless piece of dreck. Well, this movie has it beat. I said there were two people that I kind of cared about in Terminator (and a few others that I was close to caring about), there was not one character that I liked in Lesbian Vampire Killers.
I think it was supposed to be a comedy. But I'm confused because I thought comedies were supposed to be funny! Seriously, a bad Swedish accents really still the cutting edge of comedy? Am I supposed to laugh at "Yeah Yeah" jokes, and implant humor. Is a fat, loud, drunken idiot, perving over a teenage girl and counting down until she's eighteen really supposed to amuse me? What about a cock sword? Oh, I know what's comedy gold! Let's have the lesbian vampires look like some guy jizzed all over them while we shove phallicly shaped sharp objects in them and then cheer. A frying pan? Seriously? Ugh. And don't even get me started on the lame meta humor.
Jimmy was a non-entity that I didn't give two shits about, and Fletch was one of THE most annoying characters I've encountered on screen in a while. I think these guys were supposed to be lovable, buffon losers who we loved and cheered for, but I just wanted them to die horrible fucking deaths so I wouldn't have to look at them anymore, especially Fletch.
I cry of Myanna Byring who is actually a decent actress, and actually tried during this. If the script wasn't so horrible I probably would have liked her character Lotte, but because the script was so god awful, I couldn't even like this character no matter how much I tried. And I did try.
And for a movie with a title like Lesbian Vampire Killers, there was very little lesbianism and none of it was appealing or sexy at all. Soulless and clinical. I was bored people, it was lesbian vampires and I was bored out of my fucking skull.
I'm seriously struggling to find one good thing to say about this movie. I think I'm going to have to go with the vampires looked kind of neat. They had an etheral wood nymph quality that was visually pretty spectacular. That's it people. That's all I can say I actually liked.
Horrible. Terrible. Awful.
AVOID AVOID AVOID AVOID!
Overall ... not impressed
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Date: 2009-06-01 08:10 pm (UTC)I saw we practice until we find a way to make this happen! And if we don't ... well, sometimes "practicing" is it's own reward ;)
i love the betty white thing...it made me laugh especially since i've been watching the golden girls all day.
Betty White is made of awesome and win.
i didn't hate it as much as you. then again, i was a bit hungover when i saw it, so pretty much anything that took my mind off of the fact i was pretty nauseous all day was welcomed.
I didn't really hate it. I was just very
http://i7.photobucket.com/albums/y295/fembuck/giveafuckbay.jpg
about it. I just felt like I should warn people that if they were torn between watching T:S and say talking a nap or clipping their nails, that they'd be better of clipping their nails and then taking a nap then seeing the movie.
Oh, hangovers. The actions that lead to you are so much fun, but sadly you are not. I hope that you are fully recovered now, and if T: S made you feel less nauseous then it has a reason for existing, and I am glad for it.
i don't think you can expect a whole lot from a franchise once the originators of said franchise jump ship because it usually becomes something else.
This. I'm really worried about the new Batman franchise. I think I'll probably avoid the films once Nolan leaves. Once the person with the vision is out of the picture things really do usually devovle into a pile of poo.
and proof that michael ironside is still alive and badass
lol! I know. When he popped up, I was like "MICHAEL IRONSIDE! SWEET!" For some reason he was in that category of older actors who I'm not sure if they're dead or alive, so it was nice to see him alive and kicking :D