Jumper? More like Clunker!
Feb. 18th, 2008 05:49 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
fembuckNow that I've dazzled you all with my wit ... onto complaining about Jumper.
1. Rachel Bilson used to be attractive I think. She's not anymore. Every time she was on screen I kept thinking that she looked like - and believe me I know how cruel this will sound but it's honestly what I was thinking - that she looked like the half-human, half-alien that was created from Ripley's DNA in Alien Resurrection. True story. Psst, hey Rachel ... EAT SOMETHING!
2. Samuel L. Jackson is always watchable. Seriously, he still managed to be good even in this pile of poo.
3. Jamie Bell saved this thing for me. I was nearly nodding off to sleep until he showed up. I won't say I wish he was the main character, because the main character sucked balls, but thank you Jamie Bell for not sucking and for proving that people under the age of 30 can actually act.
4. The main character in this movie sucked balls. Seriously, David was a huge douchebag. From about ten minutes in until the end I hated him. Hayden Christensen is pretty, but looking at him in his very nice jackets (and they were very nice) was not enough to save the movie. When the protagonist is a selfish prick it's really hard to root for them (or to want a sequel).
5. This movie needed more Diane Lane. I almost want a sequel because I think that it would involve Diane Lane (and likely Kristen Stewart) hunting down Hayden's ass and trying to killinate him, which sounds like fun. But the sequel probably still wouldn't have enough Diane Lane, so let's just forget about the whole thing.
6. I really liked the idea of the movie, it's just too bad that it was so relentlessly average. Cool special effects and some funny lines from Griffin (Jamie Bell) but other than that it was like straight to DVD plotting and characterization ... ha, oh silly me, there was no characterization, what was I thinking.
In conclusion the best part of the movie was the Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull trailer (and I missed half of it). The half of it I saw had Cate Blanchett in it looking totally hot though, and that's good enough for me!
Oh, and Lena Headey.
1. Rachel Bilson used to be attractive I think. She's not anymore. Every time she was on screen I kept thinking that she looked like - and believe me I know how cruel this will sound but it's honestly what I was thinking - that she looked like the half-human, half-alien that was created from Ripley's DNA in Alien Resurrection. True story. Psst, hey Rachel ... EAT SOMETHING!
2. Samuel L. Jackson is always watchable. Seriously, he still managed to be good even in this pile of poo.
3. Jamie Bell saved this thing for me. I was nearly nodding off to sleep until he showed up. I won't say I wish he was the main character, because the main character sucked balls, but thank you Jamie Bell for not sucking and for proving that people under the age of 30 can actually act.
4. The main character in this movie sucked balls. Seriously, David was a huge douchebag. From about ten minutes in until the end I hated him. Hayden Christensen is pretty, but looking at him in his very nice jackets (and they were very nice) was not enough to save the movie. When the protagonist is a selfish prick it's really hard to root for them (or to want a sequel).
5. This movie needed more Diane Lane. I almost want a sequel because I think that it would involve Diane Lane (and likely Kristen Stewart) hunting down Hayden's ass and trying to killinate him, which sounds like fun. But the sequel probably still wouldn't have enough Diane Lane, so let's just forget about the whole thing.
6. I really liked the idea of the movie, it's just too bad that it was so relentlessly average. Cool special effects and some funny lines from Griffin (Jamie Bell) but other than that it was like straight to DVD plotting and characterization ... ha, oh silly me, there was no characterization, what was I thinking.
In conclusion the best part of the movie was the Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull trailer (and I missed half of it). The half of it I saw had Cate Blanchett in it looking totally hot though, and that's good enough for me!
Oh, and Lena Headey.
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no subject
Date: 2008-02-18 11:10 pm (UTC)Now that I've got that out of my system (yeah right), awwww what a disappointment!! It's gotten so many negative reviews that I don't know if I can ignore them anymore (planning to watch it on Sat with teh sisterness). Boo humbuggers :(
...Lena Headey!
no subject
Date: 2008-02-18 11:35 pm (UTC)I don't think we'll every get "Lena Headey" completely out of our systems and I for one am grateful. Lena Headey!
It's gotten so many negative reviews that I don't know if I can ignore them anymore (planning to watch it on Sat with teh sisterness). Boo humbuggers :(
I heard it was shit too and still went to see it so I'm not really one to talk. Whenever the smell of poo becomes too overwhelming but think "Lean Headey" and you should be able to make it through!
Saffron Burrows! Um, I mean Lena Headey!
no subject
Date: 2008-02-19 12:03 am (UTC)Hm yes if we do end up watching it on Sat I think I might have to stock up on mental images of Lena. One per frame! :/
no subject
Date: 2008-02-19 12:25 am (UTC)The legs, the neck, the everything! Frilly heck that woman is a tall, cool glass of lemonade. I likely would have seen The Bank Job eventually, but I'll gonna be there opening night so that I can stare at Saffron for two hours.
LENA HEADEY!
no subject
Date: 2008-02-19 01:02 am (UTC)This could just go on for hours.
Is The Bank Job the one with Jason Statham in it? *goes to check* Ooh yes it is. I thought it sounded intriguing cos of how the "true story has never been told"... *insert dun dun dun music here*
I can't view the post with the picture now; it seems to be flocked. Ahh carrot & stick lol :(
no subject
Date: 2008-02-19 01:07 am (UTC)And Catherine Zeta-Jones, and Olivia Wilde, and Polly Walker and ... yes, yes, this really could go on for hours (and what wonderful hours they would be)
I can't view the post with the picture now; it seems to be flocked. Ahh carrot & stick lol :(
*scratches head* How did that happen? Anyway, it's unlocked. Also, I've added you to my friends list so that something like this will never happen again! NEVER AGAIN! *glares at self in mirror for not doing that sooner*
no subject
Date: 2008-02-18 11:14 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-02-18 11:37 pm (UTC)Heh, heh *looks around uncomfortably* So that was just me, then? heh heh *cries a little*
of course i didn't need to actually see the movie to know it was a heaping pile of shit...or as my grandmother use to say..."doo-doo on top of doo-doo..."
Yeah, I really have nobody to blame but myself for this. I knew it was gonna be shit before I went in and I wasn't pleasantly surprised. Doo-doo on top of doo-doo indeed. Maybe even with some doo-doo on top.
no subject
Date: 2008-02-18 11:24 pm (UTC)Here, have a picture of famous girls kissing to cheer you up.
no subject
Date: 2008-02-18 11:33 pm (UTC)I love you.
I think Jumper was the worst thing to happen to Rome since the Germanic hordes.
LOL! I couldn't agree more. In fact I'm pretty sure that the unwashed hordes of Germania couldn't have stunk more than this movie.
no subject
Date: 2008-02-19 12:47 am (UTC)*sigh*
and I was looking forward to skipping that movie..
no subject
Date: 2008-02-19 12:52 am (UTC)Cate Blanchett is in it however, which is going to lure me in *shakes fist*
no subject
Date: 2008-02-19 12:57 am (UTC)and WOO!
ain't never seen an indiana jones movie, don't ever wanna see one unless there's a hottie
*runs off to go see cast list for mummy 3 for no reason*
no subject
Date: 2008-02-19 02:06 am (UTC)