fembuck | Damn you, Milla Jovovich!

Just when I was starting to get over the black and white dreams of Megan Fox and Olivia Wilde as a step-daughter and a step-mother with a very sexy secret, with a co-staring role from you as the crazy, half-Russian, possibly incestuous, possible step-sister you had to go and do a photo shoot like ...

I've decided in my head that Milla's character name in this film noir would be Anna. So, here we have Anna and her ~~bitch~~ equally crazy Russian bestie, Sasha Pivovarova (I'm not gonna bother changing this name because it sounds made-up and awesome anyway!) taking it easy before before hitting all of the sexy, stylish lesbian jazz clubs in town. Anna's getting ready to order Chinese food I think. It's very serious business.

And here we have our two ladies, dressed for success, ready to dance up a storm and break some hearts. Sasha's looking particularly sassy here, which I think indicates they're after a menage tonight.

They were after a menage, and it was good. Anna's happy, relaxed, and sexed out .... JUST KIDDING! Anna doesn't get sexed out. She's Russian! She's just taking a smoke break, then she's going to go back into that bedroom and show those girls some tricks she learned when she was touring with the Russian circus!

Anna is not just a sexy girl, she's also a bad girl and now she's ready to get into trouble. I think she's probably going to meet with someone who can sell her drugs, or guns, or both. They're probably gonna meet in a burlesque house as well, because Anna knows the girls and can get a discount on drinks, and ... well, burlesque, baby! Fuck yeah!

Act natural, Sasha! Act natural! We're just two fabulous ladies, out for a walk. ACT NATURAL! Nobody needs to know that my purse is full of cocaine, absinthe, hundred dollar bills, pistols and panties. And it's none of their business anyway! Just act natural and it'll all be okay. Anna will take care of you baby, you know I will. Just keep walking, baby and I'll make it all better when we get home, I promise.

Fuck yeah! The sweet taste of success. Huh, imagine that it taste a lot like white wine. Yummy. Didn't Anna promise you she'd take care of you? Didn't Anna promise you everything would be okay! Now look us. Having a picnic on a motherfucking beach! Hells yes. Anna knows how to take care of business. Get out the strawberries, baby, Mama wants to suck on something sweet.