Damn you, Milla Jovovich!

[fembuck]

Just when I was starting to get over the black and white dreams of Megan Fox and Olivia Wilde as a step-daughter and a step-mother with a very sexy secret, with a co-staring role from you as the crazy, half-Russian, possibly incestuous, possible step-sister you had to go and do a photo shoot like ...



I've decided in my head that Milla's character name in this film noir would be Anna.  So, here we have Anna and her bitch equally crazy Russian bestie, Sasha Pivovarova (I'm not gonna bother changing this name because it sounds made-up and awesome anyway!) taking it easy before before hitting all of the sexy, stylish lesbian jazz clubs in town.  Anna's getting ready to order Chinese food I think.  It's very serious business.


And here we have our two ladies, dressed for success, ready to dance up a storm and break some hearts.  Sasha's looking particularly sassy here, which I think indicates they're after a menage tonight.


They were after a menage, and it was good.  Anna's happy, relaxed, and sexed out .... JUST KIDDING!  Anna doesn't get sexed out.  She's Russian!  She's just taking a smoke break, then she's going to go back into that bedroom and show those girls some tricks she learned when she was touring with the Russian circus!


Anna is not just a sexy girl, she's also a bad girl and now she's ready to get into trouble.  I think she's probably going to meet with someone who can sell her drugs, or guns, or both.  They're probably gonna meet in a burlesque house as well, because Anna knows the girls and can get a discount on drinks, and ... well, burlesque, baby!  Fuck yeah!


Act natural, Sasha!  Act natural!  We're just two fabulous ladies, out for a walk.  ACT NATURAL!  Nobody needs to know that my purse is full of cocaine, absinthe, hundred dollar bills, pistols and panties.  And it's none of their business anyway!  Just act natural and it'll all be okay.  Anna will take care of you baby, you know I will.  Just keep walking, baby and I'll make it all better when we get home, I promise.


Fuck yeah!  The sweet taste of success.  Huh, imagine that it taste a lot like white wine.  Yummy.  Didn't Anna promise you she'd take care of you?  Didn't Anna promise you everything would be okay!  Now look us.  Having a picnic on a motherfucking beach!  Hells yes.  Anna knows how to take care of business.  Get out the strawberries, baby, Mama wants to suck on something sweet.


Tell me that doesn't look like a whore house!  You can't, cause it does.  A really fabulous one!


Oh, my god, Becky!  Look at her ass!  You could bounce a quarter off of that thing!

Source

*sigh*  Why can't this dream come true!?!?!?!

Comments

[seriousfic.livejournal.com]

Tell me that doesn't look like a whore house! You can't, cause it does. A really fabulous one!

You know Anna would be really good at running a whorehouse. She'd take care of her girls, and if someone didn't pay, shotgun time!

[fembuck.livejournal.com]

She'd take care of her girls, and if someone didn't pay, shotgun time!

Mmm, yes! Milla would be the sexiest pimp ever. And you know her girls would be the best in town, because she'd personally give them some TLC. She's the type of Madam, who would sponge you down in the bath and ... I really, really like this idea!

[seriousfic.livejournal.com]

And she'd have the mayor and off-duty cops hanging around in her whorehouse, because she has shit on everyone and could totally run the city if she wanted to, but that would cut into her siesta-and-outrageously-flirting-with-cute-reporters-and-PIs-time. Her big contribution to the war effort is giving anyone in uniform half off. If it's Prohibition era, she moves more alcohol than a frathouse.

[fembuck.livejournal.com]

Fuck yeah!

but that would cut into her siesta-and-outrageously-flirting-with-cute-reporters-and-PIs-time.

Hee. She doesn't need the beauty sleep, but she sure as hell wants it! Also, I could totally see her flirting it up with cute reporters and PIs. They'd be so overwhelmed by her charisma and good looks that while talking to her their panties would probably fall right off.

The best part about her is that, not only is she manipulating and blackmailing this politicians, but she's also probably banging their wives in secret!

Her big contribution to the war effort is giving anyone in uniform half off.

lol!

Also, you know that she smokes French cigarettes, and drinks nothing but Vodka (straight up!). And, when the girls are naughty, she takes them over her knee and shows them who's boss. And they like it dammit! She has to be all like, "Girls! Don't be bad on purpose. If you want a little attention from Mama, all you have to do is ask." And they all just swoon and jizz in their panties.

I feel like she should be a Countess who escaped from Mother Russia so that she could live her life as she wanted to (i.e. bang hot chicks whenever) without constraint.

I think she should also be a hunter, and have riding boots, many assortments of guns, and large half-wolf dogs that patrol the whorehouse.

[seriousfic.livejournal.com]

With Michelle Rodriguez as the private eye who, IDK, was a soldier in the war but was discharged when they found out she was cross-dressing so she could kill Nazis?

Then she's hired to find out the real killer of the husband and she goes to interview Anna because the step-mother used to be one of her girls, and Sasha is lying on the bed naked all "Anna, baby, come back to bed" and Anna just swears at her in Russian and is all "you like her, detective? I only hire her out to a select clientele, but the discount is to die for. You don't have to pay a cent so long as you let me watch."

[trancer21.livejournal.com]

Okay, that's it. This movie *has* to made so it can become a giant blockbuster that spins off this:

...a soldier in the war but was discharged when they found out she was cross-dressing so she could kill Nazis?

It'll be like Inglorious Bastards except with lesbians! Inglorious LESBIANS!! Mostly, it's just to see Michelle Rodriguez in a uniform shooting guns.. and making out with Milla Jovovich.

[seriousfic.livejournal.com]

Kristanna Loken can be the sultry nightclub singer whose affair with Michelle is what gets her exposed as a woman. That way Detective Michelle can have a lost love to brood over while she drinks SHOTS OF WHISKEY and buries her sorrow in the arms of LOOSE WOMEN! YEAH!

[fembuck.livejournal.com]

Kristanna Loken can be the sultry nightclub singer whose affair with Michelle is what gets her exposed as a woman.

I would sell a vital organ to see this.

I wish Kristanna would star in something that didn't suck soon so that I could watch her fine ass guilt free. I tried to sit through a rerun of Painkiller Jane recently so that I could look at her, and it was just too hard!

Also, I love that 'shots of whiskey' and 'loose women' were capitalized, because they are 100% awesome and should be!

[seriousfic.livejournal.com]

Also, I love that 'shots of whiskey' and 'loose women' were capitalized, because they are 100% awesome and should be!

Because Michelle does shots of whiskey while sexing up loose women, THAT'S HOW BITTER AND JADED SHE IS.

[fembuck.livejournal.com]

It'll be like Inglorious Bastards except with lesbians! Inglorious LESBIANS!!

Ah, so you mean and Inglorious Bastards I actually look forward to seeing? *nods*

[fembuck.livejournal.com]

Sasha is lying on the bed naked all "Anna, baby, come back to bed" and Anna just swears at her in Russian and is all "you like her, detective? I only hire her out to a select clientele, but the discount is to die for. You don't have to pay a cent so long as you let me watch."

Jimp'ed.

That sentence is a work of art. Honestly. Hot like fire.

Michelle Rodriguez as the private eye who, IDK, was a soldier in the war but was discharged when they found out she was cross-dressing so she could kill Nazis?

Leave it up to Michelle Rodriquez to be awesome enough to play a P.I. AND a Nazi killer in one movie. The woman is a wonder, truly.

[tristianmakhai.livejournal.com]

...you do realise that you have most of the 'plot' worked out and now you need to write this, right? Cause I'd fucking read this in a heart beat. Hell, I'm laughing myself silly over just the play-by-play, but if this were seriously written. Mmm, lovin the visuals already.

Tell you what, I win lotto and I'll fund this project. Been drooling over Milla for freaking years now, and she gets me every damn time. [sighs happily]

BTW, your captions in the original post made the shoot awesome. I mean, it already was wicked cool with the Milla, but you...your snark and imagination are priceless.