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fembuck
I'm not gonna say that it was godawful ... but it was close.
This movie was so fucking irritating to me. It was just like, everything single thing that they could have done to irritate me, they did. I spent probably like half the movie shaking my head in despair and chuckling to myself to stop myself from sobbing at the awfulness.
I'm so sick of teams that are supposed to save the world being made up of childish buffoons. I found it hard to believe that any of these people could be the best at ANYTHING (except for Snake Eyes, Snake Eyes was cool). I wouldn't want any of them for a doubles partner at the local tennis tournament, and I certainly wouldn't have entrusted any of them with saving the goddamn planet. Why can't the heroes of movie these days be competent? I don't get why I'm supposed to cheer for people who are so willfully stupid and arrogant and emotionaly stunted.
I wanted to go to sleep during the last twenty minutes of the film, but it was so goddamn loud that I couldn't even escape into the bliss of sweet, sweet unconsciousness. During that scene is the hospital at the end, if I had had something inexpensive and aerodynamic in my possession, I would have thrown it at the screen.
You know what, I take it back. The movie was godawful.
I mean the closing credits song was fucking a "Boom Boom Pow" remix, for Christ' s sake!
UGH.
What I Liked
1. The fight scene between the Baroness and Scarlett. Watching them pound the shit out of each other was really, really awesome. And the Baroness strangling Scarlett was disturbingly hot, as was the Baroness straddling Scarlett later on in the scene. It was like that field hockey scene between Blair and Serena in the third episode of Gossip Girl. Mind you it wasn't as awesome as that scene, but it had that same kind of wicked hate!sex energy.
2. The Baronesses wardrobe (and Storm Shadows for that matter. He was a total GQMF). The Baroness looked fierce as hell, and Sienna Miller has a fantastic rack.
3. Snake Eyes and the subplot about Snake Eyes and
4. Christopher Eccleston and Joseph Gordon-Levitt. Christopher Eccleston was genuinely entertaining (love the Scottish brogue on him), as was Joseph Gordon-Levitt as Cobra Commander. The scenes with these two were consistently watchable (which is really saying something with this film).
5. Rachel Nichols lookin' real fine. I like her as a redhead.
What I Didn't Like (prepare yourself, this list is much longer!)
1. Channing Tatum is not charming AT ALL, and he's not that cute either. Also, Duke is BORING AS HELL. They could have drawn little squiggly lines on the top of a 2x4 and that plank of wood would have been more engaging that Channing Tatum. I was bored by Duke in the beginning, and as the movie went on I actually came to really, really dislike him. Useless. They kept telling me he was special and shit BUT I DIDN'T SEE IT! All I saw was an incompetent little shit who kept being incompetent and got people killed, and then got patted on the back and told he was awesome for being a complete and utter failure (and a cowardly little shit too! FUCK YOU 'WEARING SUNGLASSES IN THE RAIN' SCENE, I DID NOT FEEL SORRY FOR HIM!!!!)
2. The ruined the Baroness. Just fucking ruined her. She started out well, but the more that they revealed her back story, the shittier her story become until the absolute dredge that it turned into in the end. Like I went from cheering and enjoying her ridiculous (but also really bad-ass entrance into the film) to finally cringing during her last scene. I can't even really explain all the ways I hated this storyline because the rage is so fresh right now.
3. I didn't find Ripcord funny, which meant that this movie was hell for me because he was constantly cracking 'jokes' throughout the whole thing. And that motivation speech he gave Scarlett was shit. In fact that whole "romance" was completely unnecessary and boring. Also, it made Scarlett seem like a complete idiot, because after going on about how she was a genius and graduated from college at 12, they had Ripcord making incredibly simple observations that were supposed to dazzle the audience that by all rights Scarlett should have been making because she's the egghead, but they had to dumb her down and make her an emotional twat in order to make Scarlett/Ripcord seem to work. Ugh.
4. I love me some Rachel Nichols. I saddens me that this is her first major big screen role, because it's so blah. Rachel was kick-ass, and did as good a job as she could have with what she was given. Her entrance was pretty bad-ass, I LOVED her fight with the Baroness, and the motorcycle scene while ridiculous was also really hot (once you get over the sense destruction they were causing). But, Scarlett as a character was kind of mess (like all of them really), and I'm annoyed with how the character was handled, but right now I'm too butt-hurt
to coherent explain why.
5. Those exceleration suits were awful and the terribleness of the CGI for them offended me.
I can't even continue with this. I'm bored of thinking about this film any more. I'm getting sleepy and the rage is beginning to dissipate.
In conclusion ...
Watch at your own risk!
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no subject
Date: 2009-08-07 07:47 am (UTC)Yeah, I saw Channing Tatum on the cover of some magazine touting him as the next new action hero and all I could think was 'why?'. Even on the cover, he looked like Blandy McBoring.
no subject
Date: 2009-08-08 06:13 am (UTC)i only became aware of channing tatum because i accidentally watched that movie w/ him and amanda bynes one night i was really drunk...he was so bad in that movie, it actually sobered me up...that was not a good night...needless to say, shallow me will go see this movie...
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Date: 2009-08-10 11:11 pm (UTC)lol! I know. He's just awful in everything. He's like the "Twilight" movie in and of himself. Just thinking about him makes me want to take a nap.
needless to say, shallow me will go see this movie...
Obviously, I cannot judge. Just get good and drunk before hand. It'll dull the pain.
no subject
Date: 2009-08-10 11:09 pm (UTC)I understand. I knew it was going to be awful going into it, and I still couldn't resist seeing it.
Although, downloading the shitty cam version of torrents is starting to look mighty appealing!
But the dazzling good looks of Rachel Nichols and Sienna Miller will be compromised, and really their hotness is all that got me through it (well, that and Christopher Eccleston and Joseph Gordon-Levitt)
and all I could think was 'why?'. Even on the cover, he looked like Blandy McBoring.
I know. He's so incredibly uncharismatic, and he's not even that good looking. He's average. I don't know why Hollywood keeps trying to shove him down my throat. Pimp Jeremy Renner, Hollywood! He's got the same kind of look as Tatum, only he's much, much, much hotter and the man can ACT!
no subject
Date: 2009-08-07 08:23 am (UTC)i had a thing for The Baroness as a kid. i hope this movie does not kill my fondness.
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Date: 2009-08-10 11:13 pm (UTC)i had a thing for The Baroness as a kid. i hope this movie does not kill my fondness.
For about 2/3rds of the movie the Baroness is the shit. Like I was digging her for most of the movie. The only thing that drags her down is the awful backstory/love story to have going on between her and Duke. I'm just erasing those parts from my memory and remembering the badass Baroness for the first two thirds of the film.
no subject
Date: 2009-08-07 01:53 pm (UTC)LOL! I can't help it. My brain is just like in hyper G.I. Joe mode right now.
It probably doesn't help that I would willingly be Baroness' bitch. She could slap me around, and I wouldn't mind at all. Hell, I would sit through, like, 50 godawful movies if it meant I could be her bitch for a day.
no subject
Date: 2009-08-10 11:14 pm (UTC)Dude, you are not alone there. I would let Baroness do naughty, dirty things to me and I'd love every minute of it.
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Date: 2009-08-10 11:15 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-08-07 04:11 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-08-10 11:15 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-08-07 05:20 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-08-10 11:15 pm (UTC)He's good in it. I love the Scottish brogue he has going on in it. The movie is shit, but I totally understand seeing a movie for a particular actor, and at least your actor is awesome!
no subject
Date: 2009-08-10 11:18 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-08-10 11:35 pm (UTC)Yeah, that was a nice surprise. It was like the week of surprise Jonathan Pryce cameos for me, cause like two days after GI JOE I saw "Brothers of the Head" and was like, "Hey! Jonathan Pryce!"
...the CGI ranks up there with Wolverine in horribleness.
I know! You'd think in 2009 that these big budget movie would be able to have decent effects. It's like, "what they fuck did you guys blow the budget on, since it wasn't good CGI? The food at craft services must have been a revelation!"
no subject
Date: 2009-08-10 11:39 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-08-10 11:43 pm (UTC)LOL! Star Trek WAS awesome though! But yeah, it's like they blew their whole wad on it, and couldn't dredge up an ounce of care from Give-A-Fuck Bay for G.I. JOE.
The CGI in the scenes with those exceleration suits were cringe worthy. It's like, this movie is shit, you obvious didn't spend the money on the script, so it could at least LOOK good! But even when considering the shallow G.I. Joe managed to fail.
no subject
Date: 2009-08-07 06:27 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-08-10 11:17 pm (UTC)If the movie was less awful, I'd feel bad about discouraging you. But it's pretty awful.
I can't say no to free movies. >.< It'll be knowingly walking into a deathtrap.
Free is the way to go. You know, if you drunk beforehand and get in for free it might almost be kind of enjoyable.
no subject
Date: 2009-08-07 10:07 pm (UTC)Now I don't even feel motivated to rent the damn thing. Oh well. I'm sure someone will drag me to the theater anyway. Maybe I'll make them pay for my ticket...
no subject
Date: 2009-08-10 11:18 pm (UTC)It's at least worth a rental, I'd say! Especially since at home you can continue drinking throughout the whole thing, instead of only drinking before it.
Maybe I'll make them pay for my ticket...
This would definitely help dull the pain ;)
no subject
Date: 2009-08-10 11:23 pm (UTC)Every time Ripcord makes a bad joke, take a drink? Every time he makes a joke and you laugh anyway, take two?
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Date: 2009-08-10 11:31 pm (UTC)Oh, I'd say so. It was pretty funny to me until the alcohol started to leave my system.
Every time Ripcord makes a bad joke, take a drink?
This is a good way to get alcohol poisoning, lol! But that's the spirit. Here's another one: Drink everytime Duke tries to convey an emotion but just looks constipated.
no subject
Date: 2009-08-10 11:36 pm (UTC)I won't lie. I'm tempted to catch a late night showing with friends and smuggle alcohol in or something. Buy a drink from the concession stand, replace the contents, etc.
If it goes terribly wrong, I'll blame everything on you. Terrible influence, you are~
no subject
Date: 2009-08-10 11:38 pm (UTC)Do it! I'd considered doing this before and didn't and OH HOW I WISH I HAD! As long as you don't start a riot nobody will know, and you might actually be able to enjoy the movie!
Terrible influence, you are~
Oh, that's why I'm so fun! ;)
no subject
Date: 2009-08-10 11:47 pm (UTC)And yes, you definitely are very fun :P
♥
Question:
If you were to play the GI Joe drinking game, what would be your drink of choice?
no subject
Date: 2009-08-11 12:09 am (UTC)lol! I feel you on this. September is gonna be like detox for me from all of the excess of summer, and it's going to SUCK!
And yes, you definitely are very fun :P
Why, thank you. That's what it says on the all the washroom stalls as well ;)
f you were to play the GI Joe drinking game, what would be your drink of choice?
Sherry. Because it's cheap, it gets you drunk FAST, and people find it really amusing that someone in their 20s would drink that. Also, I feel like it's classier than vodka based drinks, and it doesn't make me want to hurl.
Southern Comfort and Coke would also be a good mix. It'll be like drinking Dr. Pepper, but you also get drunk!
no subject
Date: 2009-08-11 02:20 am (UTC)No joke. Summer has been incredibly fun. But I feel like I haven't stopped partying for a full month. I probably won't make another week of this before I just collapse entirely. At least when I collapse, I'll be very happy.
SoCo and coke sounds brilliant. I've never tried sherry before. If only it weren't such a pain in the ass to get my hands on alcohol. Asking my ex's brother gets awkward when he tries to ask me out for coffee afterward.
Thanks for the suggestions! I was getting really sick of Smirnoff mixed with x, y, or z.
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Date: 2009-08-07 10:26 pm (UTC)ps: not even material for Baroness/Scarlett fiction? :( This cheered me up a bit, courtesy of
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Date: 2009-08-10 11:16 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-08-10 11:28 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-08-10 11:32 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-08-11 02:57 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-08-11 03:28 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-08-10 11:28 pm (UTC)amn you Sienna Miller! Damn YOU!
lol! I know. She's so charming and lovely. I really, really do enjoy Sienna Miller. She's a delightful interview.
Rachel Nichols, "Sweetie" in response to that comment about Sienna making love to a perfume bottle cracked me up, and kind of turned me on.
no subject
Date: 2009-08-10 11:34 pm (UTC)Concurred.
no subject
Date: 2009-08-10 11:40 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-08-11 12:37 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-08-11 03:09 am (UTC)I'm pretty sure that Rachel has a crush on Sienna or something. You just have to see this picspam that
Both of us are on a Sienna!Baroness/Rachel!Scarlett overload since Friday. It's so much fun I have to say.
no subject
Date: 2009-08-11 03:03 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-08-08 11:16 am (UTC)Only versions I do like are the short clips you see on Robot Chicken.=P
no subject
Date: 2009-08-10 11:19 pm (UTC)I watched it as a kid, but I don't remember it too well. It was some kind of vague nostalgia that made me kind of excited for it. The nostalgia is gone.
Only versions I do like are the short clips you see on Robot Chicken.
Robot Chicken makes everything better ;)
no subject
Date: 2009-08-09 04:29 am (UTC)All they need to do is remake Thundercats, the Smurfs and Bionic Six and my childhood will have been completely destroyed. *sigh*
no subject
Date: 2009-08-10 11:22 pm (UTC)I feel ya, on this. I'd heard it was awful, but I still saw it.
Opening week has more to do with how many people want to see if it sucks or not than the actual quality of the film.
Yeah, I know. I hate that. It makes it seem like mediocre films are actually decent. But with a film like this, it'll have to do well for more than one weekend to be a monetary success and hopefully word of mouth will turn people off.
All they need to do is remake Thundercats, the Smurfs and Bionic Six and my childhood will have been completely destroyed.
lol! Every couple of years there's talk about a Thundercats movie, you know. Thank god, they haven't managed to ruin that yet. I LOVED Thundercats as a kid. I wanted to marry Lion-O. My the leg on my Lion-O action figure broke off, my dad had to screw it back on to get me to stop crying!